Terminating Parental Rights in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

DP here. HOW did you find this angel of a human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, voluntary placement is very much a thing in Maryland, and no you don't need to retain a lawyer to access it. Here is a link to the actual state law-
https://www.law.cornell.edu/regulations/maryland/COMAR-07-02-11-06

OP, you can call the MD Department of Health and Human Services for more information on how to start the process. They will help you.

OP, do not call a mandated reporter and tell them you want to terminate parental rights on one of your children before talking to a family lawyer who has experience with MD's child welfare system. You are inviting a lot of scrutiny into your home and parenting and could wind up losing custody of all your kids.

God yes this IS fear mongering. You don't tell them you want to give up your rights, you tell them you want help finding residential treatment. I HAVE DONE THIS and did NOT LOSE MY OTHER CHILDREN>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, voluntary placement is very much a thing in Maryland, and no you don't need to retain a lawyer to access it. Here is a link to the actual state law-
https://www.law.cornell.edu/regulations/maryland/COMAR-07-02-11-06

OP, you can call the MD Department of Health and Human Services for more information on how to start the process. They will help you.

OP, do not call a mandated reporter and tell them you want to terminate parental rights on one of your children before talking to a family lawyer who has experience with MD's child welfare system. You are inviting a lot of scrutiny into your home and parenting and could wind up losing custody of all your kids.

God yes this IS fear mongering. You don't tell them you want to give up your rights, you tell them you want help finding residential treatment. I HAVE DONE THIS and did NOT LOSE MY OTHER CHILDREN>

They still need to do an investigation and depending on the age of the child, the child welfare rules are the child cannot remain in foster care till they are 18 without trying reunification or adoption. It isn't fear mongering. If your child has that serious mental health issues, very unlikely to get an adoptive placement but legally they have to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Kentucky. I know someone whose sister went to go live with foster parents without terminating rights. This means that when the foster parent can’t or doesn’t want to do it anymore they have to find someone else. However, this means she cones home on weekends or whatever arrangement they have agreed upon. So the child still stayed connected to the family. I wish I could remember what this was called.

I agree you should find an attorney. You might be surprised and they waive or reduce the fees. My brother was adopted and he always does adoptions pro bono for example.

There’s also many boarding schools and alternative education options in the Philadelphia area. Special needs education tuition is tax deductible under medical expenses.



Wishing your whole family help and peace. I’m so sorry

It sounds like they cannot or will not pay for a private placement and it's not serious enough for the school system to pay and the child is very young so that's another issue. Parents of kids in foster care get visitation depending on the court recommendation but imagine being a child whose parents gave you up, kept your siblings, clearly don't want you and being forced to visit in that home environment. That may not be in the child's best interests. Also, there is no guarantee the child would go into a residential placement. They could go in a full range from a regular foster home, therapeutic foster home, group home to residential care.

The court will assign them an attorney if they cannot find one. That's a non-issue. The child will have to be placed in foster care by the courts. If the parents want the child back they will have to follow the court orders to get them back or their rights can be terminated if they don't voluntarily sign. Hopefully CPS can find this child a loving home with parents who want them.

You aren’t really in the discussion.

Yes, I am. There is no guarantee your child would get residential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Kentucky. I know someone whose sister went to go live with foster parents without terminating rights. This means that when the foster parent can’t or doesn’t want to do it anymore they have to find someone else. However, this means she cones home on weekends or whatever arrangement they have agreed upon. So the child still stayed connected to the family. I wish I could remember what this was called.

I agree you should find an attorney. You might be surprised and they waive or reduce the fees. My brother was adopted and he always does adoptions pro bono for example.

There’s also many boarding schools and alternative education options in the Philadelphia area. Special needs education tuition is tax deductible under medical expenses.



Wishing your whole family help and peace. I’m so sorry

It sounds like they cannot or will not pay for a private placement and it's not serious enough for the school system to pay and the child is very young so that's another issue. Parents of kids in foster care get visitation depending on the court recommendation but imagine being a child whose parents gave you up, kept your siblings, clearly don't want you and being forced to visit in that home environment. That may not be in the child's best interests. Also, there is no guarantee the child would go into a residential placement. They could go in a full range from a regular foster home, therapeutic foster home, group home to residential care.

The court will assign them an attorney if they cannot find one. That's a non-issue. The child will have to be placed in foster care by the courts. If the parents want the child back they will have to follow the court orders to get them back or their rights can be terminated if they don't voluntarily sign. Hopefully CPS can find this child a loving home with parents who want them.

You aren’t really in the discussion.

Yes, I am. There is no guarantee your child would get residential.

There’s never any guarantee. But there are residential schools for this. So WHAT is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Kentucky. I know someone whose sister went to go live with foster parents without terminating rights. This means that when the foster parent can’t or doesn’t want to do it anymore they have to find someone else. However, this means she cones home on weekends or whatever arrangement they have agreed upon. So the child still stayed connected to the family. I wish I could remember what this was called.

I agree you should find an attorney. You might be surprised and they waive or reduce the fees. My brother was adopted and he always does adoptions pro bono for example.

There’s also many boarding schools and alternative education options in the Philadelphia area. Special needs education tuition is tax deductible under medical expenses.



Wishing your whole family help and peace. I’m so sorry

It sounds like they cannot or will not pay for a private placement and it's not serious enough for the school system to pay and the child is very young so that's another issue. Parents of kids in foster care get visitation depending on the court recommendation but imagine being a child whose parents gave you up, kept your siblings, clearly don't want you and being forced to visit in that home environment. That may not be in the child's best interests. Also, there is no guarantee the child would go into a residential placement. They could go in a full range from a regular foster home, therapeutic foster home, group home to residential care.

The court will assign them an attorney if they cannot find one. That's a non-issue. The child will have to be placed in foster care by the courts. If the parents want the child back they will have to follow the court orders to get them back or their rights can be terminated if they don't voluntarily sign. Hopefully CPS can find this child a loving home with parents who want them.

You aren’t really in the discussion.

Yes, I am. There is no guarantee your child would get residential.

There’s never any guarantee. But there are residential schools for this. So WHAT is your point?

What is your point? You cannot walk into a child welfare office and demand a residential placement. It's not that simple.

[Anonymous]

Can you move to better support your child? There are states close by that do not have income requirements, which then allow the child to access all the therapies they need. I know this is really hard, but please don't give up yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another idea- a special needs trained au pair. If you have the space, that would be very inexpensive on a per-hour basis vs any other help you could hire.

We did this and it was a disaster - we paid a huge up front fee and then a large monthly fee to the agency. The agency did do a care plan and seemed organized, but the au pair was AWFUL. Zero special needs experience when tons had been claimed. It was like having an incompetent teenager (even though she was late 20s) in the house and she created more work than she helped with. Proceed carefully b/c this agency gets good reviews. I don't trust the reviews at all after our experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, voluntary placement is very much a thing in Maryland, and no you don't need to retain a lawyer to access it. Here is a link to the actual state law-
https://www.law.cornell.edu/regulations/maryland/COMAR-07-02-11-06

OP, you can call the MD Department of Health and Human Services for more information on how to start the process. They will help you.

OP, do not call a mandated reporter and tell them you want to terminate parental rights on one of your children before talking to a family lawyer who has experience with MD's child welfare system. You are inviting a lot of scrutiny into your home and parenting and could wind up losing custody of all your kids.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Kentucky. I know someone whose sister went to go live with foster parents without terminating rights. This means that when the foster parent can’t or doesn’t want to do it anymore they have to find someone else. However, this means she cones home on weekends or whatever arrangement they have agreed upon. So the child still stayed connected to the family. I wish I could remember what this was called.

I agree you should find an attorney. You might be surprised and they waive or reduce the fees. My brother was adopted and he always does adoptions pro bono for example.

There’s also many boarding schools and alternative education options in the Philadelphia area. Special needs education tuition is tax deductible under medical expenses.



Wishing your whole family help and peace. I’m so sorry

It sounds like they cannot or will not pay for a private placement and it's not serious enough for the school system to pay and the child is very young so that's another issue. Parents of kids in foster care get visitation depending on the court recommendation but imagine being a child whose parents gave you up, kept your siblings, clearly don't want you and being forced to visit in that home environment. That may not be in the child's best interests. Also, there is no guarantee the child would go into a residential placement. They could go in a full range from a regular foster home, therapeutic foster home, group home to residential care.

The court will assign them an attorney if they cannot find one. That's a non-issue. The child will have to be placed in foster care by the courts. If the parents want the child back they will have to follow the court orders to get them back or their rights can be terminated if they don't voluntarily sign. Hopefully CPS can find this child a loving home with parents who want them.

5 is extremely young for a child to be placed in residential care or an RTF. I'm in VA and even 7&8 year-olds are almost impossible to place in RTF and DFS does not want children that young in those settings unless neglect or abuse are occurring and there are no other options.

Foster care or a Level B Group Home may be an option through relief of custody, but once again finding an appropriate foster care placement and TGH is a tall order.

Is there an ICF in Maryland for Children? You may be able to directly place there and they may take a child of that age. Saint Mary's is the largest ICF in VA for children. That website may be helpful to get an idea of the supports available in an ICF. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another idea- a special needs trained au pair. If you have the space, that would be very inexpensive on a per-hour basis vs any other help you could hire.

We did this and it was a disaster - we paid a huge up front fee and then a large monthly fee to the agency. The agency did do a care plan and seemed organized, but the au pair was AWFUL. Zero special needs experience when tons had been claimed. It was like having an incompetent teenager (even though she was late 20s) in the house and she created more work than she helped with. Proceed carefully b/c this agency gets good reviews. I don't trust the reviews at all after our experience

Ha! That sounds like my first experience with ABA.

It was supper expensive, we were on a wait list for 4 months until a spot opened up. Great right? Well, they sent a 20 year old who had just finished an online RBT training and we were her first placement! Yay us! The BCBA would “supervise” via zoom for an hour a couple times a week. She was very nice but super nervous and eager. I felt like I was babysitting HER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Because PP has latched onto this thread trying to guilt and shame OP into doing what OP has found to be heartbreaking and impossible. PP shoots down every idea that doesn’t end with OP capitulating to PP’s POV.

PP is sick in the head but hiding under a morality flag. PP insults OP that OP just hasn’t tried hard enough. And PP has selective reading comprehension because PP does not actually want to help resolve anything in this incredibly complex situation.

PP lacks empathy and flexibility in thinking. PP may actually be a narcissistic shrew who enjoys toying with vulnerable OP at life’s worst moment.