Do you let your children call adults by their first names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

Have you told the kid or parents what you want to be called?

That's offensive! Why can't they look up my cultural background and interview my extended family to make an educated guess about how I'd like to be addressed? Why should I have to tell them my preferences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

Have you told the kid or parents what you want to be called?

No, she hasn’t. She just silently judges them.

I think she doesn't want to look like a total jerk by correcting the mom in front of the kid, so she's trying to roll with it like many humans would.

[Anonymous]

I would. Way more parents with different last names than their kid in this area/age so Mr/Mrs Whatever doesn’t make sense as it did where I grew up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

Have you told the kid or parents what you want to be called?

No, she hasn’t. She just silently judges them.

I think she doesn't want to look like a total jerk by correcting the mom in front of the kid, so she's trying to roll with it like many humans would.

It's not the "correcting" part that would make her look like a "total jerk."

This is basically like someone with a doctorate in sociology asking to be called "Doctor" in a social, or at least non-academic, situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

Have you told the kid or parents what you want to be called?

No, she hasn’t. She just silently judges them.

I think she doesn't want to look like a total jerk by correcting the mom in front of the kid, so she's trying to roll with it like many humans would.

It's not the "correcting" part that would make her look like a "total jerk."

This is basically like someone with a doctorate in sociology asking to be called "Doctor" in a social, or at least non-academic, situation.

You lost me. Preferring "Larla's mom" or "Ms. Jenny" from a 6 year old to an adult is the equivalent of a Ph.D. demanding to be called "doctor" at a cocktail party? Some of the "my kids can do whatever tf they want" parents are really coming at this from an angle I cannot fathom. Like there's pent-up rage from childhood spilling out on this thread and it doesn't seem proportional to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

Have you told the kid or parents what you want to be called?

No, she hasn’t. She just silently judges them.

I think she doesn't want to look like a total jerk by correcting the mom in front of the kid, so she's trying to roll with it like many humans would.

It's not the "correcting" part that would make her look like a "total jerk."

This is basically like someone with a doctorate in sociology asking to be called "Doctor" in a social, or at least non-academic, situation.

You lost me. Preferring "Larla's mom" or "Ms. Jenny" from a 6 year old to an adult is the equivalent of a Ph.D. demanding to be called "doctor" at a cocktail party? Some of the "my kids can do whatever tf they want" parents are really coming at this from an angle I cannot fathom. Like there's pent-up rage from childhood spilling out on this thread and it doesn't seem proportional to the conversation.

Yes, yes it is. On what basis have you earned a particular title that is relevant to the situation?

[Anonymous]

How is ‘ Larla’s mom’ better than your actual name? We’re not talking about 4-yr olds, nor are they interacting with you in a professional setting. The alternative is they grunt or call you nothing (uh, hi). I’d much prefer my first name.

[Anonymous]

I say just use first name. I prefer to be called my name.

[Anonymous]

People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

[Anonymous]

I insist on being called Mrs, but I'm upfront about it. My children are not allowed to call adults by their first name, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I insist on being called Mrs, but I'm upfront about it. My children are not allowed to call adults by their first name, ever.

What if the other person wants your child to use their first name?

I grew up in a pretty household where adults were never called by first name. I’m 50 and my parents will still correct me if I am talking to my parents but not the actual person of their generation and don’t use a title.

It puts your child in a weird spot if you don’t teach them to use the form of address people want and just insist on last name.

Anyway this is the tween/teen thread, and I don’t broker most of these interactions anymore. I tell my kids to start as formal as possible. Last name versus first name. Dr instead of Mr/Ms. If you don’t know a last name, you are going to have to find a way to figure it out- including politely asking. If someone wants to be called something more informally, they will tell you. But it rarely happens the other way even when people are rubbed the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

Giving someone permission to call you a more familiar name than what they've used is a standard thing to do if you're open to it, and it's well within anyone's purview to do in any conversation. Telling someone "you are addressing me in an inappropriately familiar manner" is a correction of behavior, not a boon. And doing it in front of the parent they are supposed to take instruction from, and in direct conflict with the instruction they were just given, is confusing for a small child and aggressively confrontational for the adults. Look how upset you all are to learn that an anonymous internet stranger finds it rude: but you want me to say "that's rude" to the parent and kid instead of moving on.

It's not rude for someone to call you by your name. It would (generally) be rude, however, for someone to continue calling you by a name after you've asked them to stop. That's not a confusing concept, even to a small child. Many kids have nicknames, so the idea that someone may have preferences for how they'd like to be called is not going to be foreign to a child.

But it sounds like you never asked them to use a different name.

Actually, in many cultures it is extremely rude to address people in a familiar manner without being given leave to do so.

We're not in such a culture. It is extremely common to address people by first names in social situations. You don't seem to have an issue with the mother calling you by your first name, so apparently you just want some people to show deference to you. Does that apply to darker-skinned individuals, too? Or perhaps those in lower castes?

You must be white and unfamiliar with many other cultures. Lots of dark-skinned individuals grew up using title and/or last name for adults. And news flash, even in the US, and the good old DMV, there is variation. Which is why you should want your kid equipped to move through all of this with social grace.

[Anonymous]

Mr & Mrs X. Even if they say if she can call me Ms X. Why? Bc it is a sign of respect. I still call my friend’s parents Mrs or Mr X and I’m in my 50s. (From the Northeast by the way).

I feel ppl are too informal now and I don’t like it for my DD.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids - one is 12 and the other is 6. All of their friends call me by my first name, and they call our adult friends who we know through school or daycare by their first names. I presume that now my 12 year old is making friends whose parents I won't really know or interact with, those friends might call me by Mrs. LASTNAME, and I would encourage my child to do the same, but I will tell the friends that they can call me by my first name.

FWIW, growing up, with the exception of my parents' tight-knit group of friends with kids, all adults were Mr/Mrs. Lastname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is ‘ Larla’s mom’ better than your actual name? We’re not talking about 4-yr olds, nor are they interacting with you in a professional setting. The alternative is they grunt or call you nothing (uh, hi). I’d much prefer my first name.

That entire subhead actually was about a 6 year old calling an adult by their first name, not a grunting teen. So you see it makes sense for a 4 year old to use Larla's mom, but at 6 it's suddenly confusing that that would be preferable to the adult?