Reply to Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.[/quote]

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active.  In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex?  It makes them vulnerable and  messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their  family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents  and culture.  Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.[/quote]

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT.  People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex.  Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates.  How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest.  A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones.  Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations. [/quote]

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White.  I am Indian.  Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex?  Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel.  So, you do need to have conversations about sex  pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent  dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society.  Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties".  They are raising their kids as how they were raised.  On the other hand,  if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance.   Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over.  You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another.  Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone.   Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young.  So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that.  Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit,  give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

[b]Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children.  Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .[/b][/quote]

+1[/quote]

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around[/quote]

Yeah.  My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son.  He tells me everything.  That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.  :( [/quote]

[b]Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe?[/b] If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex. [/quote]

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?[/quote]

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.[/quote]

+1. I talk with my kids about a lot of things. That doesn't mean they fully understand what it means, especially in the heat of the moment. There are adults who get confused about consent all the time -- they think they want something, and then realize that they didn't really want it. Why do we think teens would be better at this than adults?[/quote]

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