How do married people find the random time to cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Business trips. Some people travel a lot for work. Easy to have someone in the city being visited, and evenings are free.

They are working “late” or going to a “conference.” Be suspicious. No one works that much. Check the airline ticket to see where they actually went….

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

+1. Cheaters basically are addicts, with all the lying and secrecy hallmarks of addiction. When you feel pity for their illness it makes it easier to move on and steer clear of their pathology.

+2 another poster that had lots of communication, shared deep thoughts together, socialized and spent all of our time together. We were always great friends and still had sex.

I agree that it was an addiction and a fix and at this time he also started secretly drinking to deal with his self-crisis and the stress of the lying. I wondered why he was all the sudden getting drunk so fast and his tolerance seeming to drop to zero when we socialized with friends on the weekends.

I saw the guy that worked at the hotel talked about drinks being sent up to the room midday. Yep. They usually are drinking too. I found airplane bottles in car. He down one before meeting her—helps with the ability to lie when you numb yourself.

When you resort to betraying and lying, you have done serious issues. Healthy people don’t do this stuff.

Oh sweetie, light pre-game drinking (note: not drunk, just a little buzz) isn't about dealing with lying, it's about making you a talker, loosens you up, you become funnier... and for men, a little extra stamina in the bedroom. And if you're then drinking more with the rendezvous, it makes it so you're drunker faster.

There is sooooo much wrong with the ^ above. Good god. We get it--you are a drunk slut that can cheat on your spouse. Getting lubed up makes you forget about the people you are hurting.

What's sick is these idiots then get in cars in the middle of the day and drive home. Effing loser.

+1. Sex addict and a drunk. Klassy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that travel, are you not scared about getting some crazy? Especially women. Thats all I can think about. Getting some depraved loony on a business trip who is also a serial killer.

I don't know about killer but a loony who easily cyber-stalks your spouse on social media and sends them an (anonymous) message seems probable. But I guess that rarely happens.

NP but this is exactly how I found out my spouse was cheating. They found my work bio online and contacted me AT WORK. I was blindsided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that travel, are you not scared about getting some crazy? Especially women. Thats all I can think about. Getting some depraved loony on a business trip who is also a serial killer.

I don't know about killer but a loony who easily cyber-stalks your spouse on social media and sends them an (anonymous) message seems probable. But I guess that rarely happens.

That too although I meant from the POV of a woman being concerned about a weirdo dude. There is just so much to take advantage of if you are a married woman cheating in some random city. You could be filmed without consent. Have things done to you without consent because are you really going to report SA in a random city when you are cheating.
My fears > my desire to experience someone else.

[Anonymous]

Business trips, we work for the same company but different departments.

He legitimately takes me out on business dinners when I visit his city and then he comes back to my hotel room. We plan business travel to be in the same area when we can and we only communicate via our work phone during work hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Business trips, we work for the same company but different departments.

He legitimately takes me out on business dinners when I visit his city and then he comes back to my hotel room. We plan business travel to be in the same area when we can and we only communicate via our work phone during work hours.

May I ask why you are still in it, pp?

I had an emotional affair so I know how addictive and fun it is, but the guilt was overwhelming to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always the wives who say that they thought they had "affair-proofed" their marriage (maintaining their figure and attractiveness, never saying no to sex, etc) that end up blindsided by their husband cheating.

No one is together 24/7 and it's always the ones you'd never suspect capable of doing it.

For every affair-proofed marriage, there are 25 wives who (reluctantly) perform their monthly duty (but not EVERY month) and then are SHOCKED to find out he meets all those needs elsewhere

[Anonymous]

I was not married but I had a serious girlfriend we saw each other 2-3 nights a week and talked on phone 30-60 minutes every day we did not see each other.

I got caught with another girlfriend which was also a serious girlfriend. I kept it up one year.

I actually kept a change of clothes and stuff under spare tire and I often go direct one girl friend to next. I even would borrow a car now and then to avoid one seeing the other persons car. To add to madness I had a third “booty call” girl during week sometimes and I still went out friends to singles bars 2-3 nights a week to find new girls. Three women in a week was common. It is crazy work to do it.

One of my side girls actually had a BF and I was her bootie call. She liked me more than her BF. So we started double dating. Yes I actually once even did the double date and we planned we both not let out gF:bf stay over and at 11:30 pm we would meet up.

It can be done. I think it works as most would never think someone would do it.

One crazy girl like “the taste” of my GF that was wacky. And also hard to perform on third time but she was always helpful.

My other friend did a married nurse at lunch in the exam room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was not married but I had a serious girlfriend we saw each other 2-3 nights a week and talked on phone 30-60 minutes every day we did not see each other.

I got caught with another girlfriend which was also a serious girlfriend. I kept it up one year.

I actually kept a change of clothes and stuff under spare tire and I often go direct one girl friend to next. I even would borrow a car now and then to avoid one seeing the other persons car. To add to madness I had a third “booty call” girl during week sometimes and I still went out friends to singles bars 2-3 nights a week to find new girls. Three women in a week was common. It is crazy work to do it.

One of my side girls actually had a BF and I was her bootie call. She liked me more than her BF. So we started double dating. Yes I actually once even did the double date and we planned we both not let out gF:bf stay over and at 11:30 pm we would meet up.

It can be done. I think it works as most would never think someone would do it.

One crazy girl like “the taste” of my GF that was wacky. And also hard to perform on third time but she was always helpful.

My other friend did a married nurse at lunch in the exam room.

I have apparently led a very sheltered life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was not married but I had a serious girlfriend we saw each other 2-3 nights a week and talked on phone 30-60 minutes every day we did not see each other.

I got caught with another girlfriend which was also a serious girlfriend. I kept it up one year.

I actually kept a change of clothes and stuff under spare tire and I often go direct one girl friend to next. I even would borrow a car now and then to avoid one seeing the other persons car. To add to madness I had a third “booty call” girl during week sometimes and I still went out friends to singles bars 2-3 nights a week to find new girls. Three women in a week was common. It is crazy work to do it.

One of my side girls actually had a BF and I was her bootie call. She liked me more than her BF. So we started double dating. Yes I actually once even did the double date and we planned we both not let out gF:bf stay over and at 11:30 pm we would meet up.

It can be done. I think it works as most would never think someone would do it.

One crazy girl like “the taste” of my GF that was wacky. And also hard to perform on third time but she was always helpful.

My other friend did a married nurse at lunch in the exam room.

I have apparently led a very sheltered life.

Yeah. Most of us grew up thinking this was just a select few people. Nope.

[Anonymous]

lunchtime wherever, late afternoon, out with girls, car wash, doc appt, therapy appt, so many possibilities I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lunchtime wherever, late afternoon, out with girls, car wash, doc appt, therapy appt, so many possibilities I'm sure.

Sure- if you are a whore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was not married but I had a serious girlfriend we saw each other 2-3 nights a week and talked on phone 30-60 minutes every day we did not see each other.

I got caught with another girlfriend which was also a serious girlfriend. I kept it up one year.

I actually kept a change of clothes and stuff under spare tire and I often go direct one girl friend to next. I even would borrow a car now and then to avoid one seeing the other persons car. To add to madness I had a third “booty call” girl during week sometimes and I still went out friends to singles bars 2-3 nights a week to find new girls. Three women in a week was common. It is crazy work to do it.

One of my side girls actually had a BF and I was her bootie call. She liked me more than her BF. So we started double dating. Yes I actually once even did the double date and we planned we both not let out gF:bf stay over and at 11:30 pm we would meet up.

It can be done. I think it works as most would never think someone would do it.

One crazy girl like “the taste” of my GF that was wacky. And also hard to perform on third time but she was always helpful.

My other friend did a married nurse at lunch in the exam room.

I have apparently led a very sheltered life.

Yeah. Most of us grew up thinking this was just a select few people. Nope.

I have a difficult time believing that a nurse would do that on the job during the workday in an exam room. Was that just some kind of bachelor party girl dressed up like a nurse? Regular people don’t put their marriage, employment and reputation in the community on the line like this in one fell swoop. They just don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw a funny tiktok yesterday that said - I just realized my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because he'd need me to plan that for him.

The Other Woman is usually more than happy to plan the meetup.

Yep. And make herself available at the drop of a hat.

Man here. Reasonably attractive. Good, game, and giving in the bedroom. I couldn't imagine a woman wanting to put that kind of effort in just to have quickie sex with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw a funny tiktok yesterday that said - I just realized my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because he'd need me to plan that for him.

The Other Woman is usually more than happy to plan the meetup.

Yep. And make herself available at the drop of a hat.

Man here. Reasonably attractive. Good, game, and giving in the bedroom. I couldn't imagine a woman wanting to put that kind of effort in just to have quickie sex with me.

My husband stopped having sex with me for years. If I found an attractive man who made it clear he wanted sex with me during that time, I would have made the effort. Fortunately the stars didn’t align that way!