Would you leave if your wife cheated?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of beta males who would stay and try to work things out. However, I tend to agree with the person who posted that when a wife cheats, it's because she's already checked out. The only reason she would stay after her affair was discovered would be if her affair partner wasn't available to her. If the AP *is* available, she's leaving FOR him.

I think this is true. I am staying in my marriage, but only because AP is staying in his. If AP left his wife, I would be out of here.

And if he does leave, it will not be for you. Men have the entire world as their oyster at that point. They can do much better when looking for a girlfriend as a single man than when looking just for a married AP who won’t blow up their marriage. They don’t need a fellow liar or someone with kids or somebody else’s stay-at-home wife without a job or her own retirement that they will now have to support.

LMAO. You're a wronged wife, aren't you? So obvious. Cheating husbands don't leave their families so they can sit around, alone and drinking, scrolling through the dating apps. Nine times out of 10, they leave for an AP. They leave because they found someone else that they'd rather be with, someone who is worth the hassle of divorce, someone who they think is worth blowing up the home life for.

Every buddy I had that got divorced after getting discovered in an affair, went on a 2-5 year spree of crazy sex Tinder hook ups and dates and living like college boys after 10-20 years of marriage. None of them left for the woman they had the affair with. I asked one guy and he laughed and said “I’d never trust her if I went out of town or left for work.”

Yep. And they left their families unwillingly after the wife filed for divorce.

+1 every one I know was kicked out. It wasn’t his decision to leave. The wife found out and was done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of beta males who would stay and try to work things out. However, I tend to agree with the person who posted that when a wife cheats, it's because she's already checked out. The only reason she would stay after her affair was discovered would be if her affair partner wasn't available to her. If the AP *is* available, she's leaving FOR him.

I think this is true. I am staying in my marriage, but only because AP is staying in his. If AP left his wife, I would be out of here.

And if he does leave, it will not be for you. Men have the entire world as their oyster at that point. They can do much better when looking for a girlfriend as a single man than when looking just for a married AP who won’t blow up their marriage. They don’t need a fellow liar or someone with kids or somebody else’s stay-at-home wife without a job or her own retirement that they will now have to support.

LMAO. You're a wronged wife, aren't you? So obvious. Cheating husbands don't leave their families so they can sit around, alone and drinking, scrolling through the dating apps. Nine times out of 10, they leave for an AP. They leave because they found someone else that they'd rather be with, someone who is worth the hassle of divorce, someone who they think is worth blowing up the home life for.

Every buddy I had that got divorced after getting discovered in an affair, went on a 2-5 year spree of crazy sex Tinder hook ups and dates and living like college boys after 10-20 years of marriage. None of them left for the woman they had the affair with. I asked one guy and he laughed and said “I’d never trust her if I went out of town or left for work.”

Dude here. You don’t need dating apps. If you are divorced, successful and half-way decent looking the women will be all over you. Trust me. 35-50 something men are in short supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it was a one off.

That’s what she said.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think it’s a deal breaker, and doubt I would leave if my wife was still in love with me but just getting something else on the side. C’mon, people, women are able to have sex for sex’s sake and don’t have to be emotionally involved to cheat. Ask me how I know.

Dude if she cheats she is no longer in love with you. It’s over and you won’t get it back.

PP. This is an extrapolation from the stereotype to the whole. Everyone on DCUM seems comfortable with the idea that men cheat just for sex with no love. News flash: women cheat just for sex too.

Women don’t cheat for sex if they love their husbands. What they are doing is interviewing their husbands replacement.

This isn’t always true. Sure, sometimes it is, just not always. I have counter-examples that prove the point, so the question is what fraction.

[Anonymous]

Actually for men out there if your wife cheats and you catch her leave her. I don’t have data to back up my claim but my guess is that men or women who cheat and destroy their marriage as a result will not do well in subsequent relationships. I actually believe in karma. The thing is we need to stop looking at women as these creatures who are always loyal and do no harm. When women do cheat, they don’t leave trace behind like men. They have a strategy that work very well with them. If a woman suspects her husband of cheating and confronts him, if he turns out to be innocent he will not be as angry and lash out. On the other hand the same scenario for women is a whole different story. That’s why for men it’s very difficult to catch a cheating wife. She will deny with passion and lash out at you for daring accuse her. I give women props lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually for men out there if your wife cheats and you catch her leave her. I don’t have data to back up my claim but my guess is that men or women who cheat and destroy their marriage as a result will not do well in subsequent relationships. I actually believe in karma. The thing is we need to stop looking at women as these creatures who are always loyal and do no harm. When women do cheat, they don’t leave trace behind like men. They have a strategy that work very well with them. If a woman suspects her husband of cheating and confronts him, if he turns out to be innocent he will not be as angry and lash out. On the other hand the same scenario for women is a whole different story. That’s why for men it’s very difficult to catch a cheating wife. She will deny with passion and lash out at you for daring accuse her. I give women props lol

So you are confirming that women are manipulative creatures lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something I noticed in the workplace when extramarital affair involving two employees became known about:

Men looked at the cheating man either with head-shaking resignation as in "well, he's headed for trouble" or a little of "some like it hot" as in "he's a wild guy, but it's up to him."

But women looked at the cheating woman with actual anger. They were disgusted by it, sort of angry, and if they had been friends with her, that usually ended.

Social norms shaped by centuries of patriarchal dynamics, I think. Historically, for men, it's just a messy situation. For women, because their husbands controlled all the property and non-virgins were damaged goods, a homewrecker was a more existential threat.

Nope. It’s like a minority mentality: you are ruining it for the rest of us. Women had to fight for generations to be in the workplace and taken seriously. They also have to fight stereotypes that they got to the top by sleeping their way there. So the other women are pissed with good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually for men out there if your wife cheats and you catch her leave her. I don’t have data to back up my claim but my guess is that men or women who cheat and destroy their marriage as a result will not do well in subsequent relationships. I actually believe in karma. The thing is we need to stop looking at women as these creatures who are always loyal and do no harm. When women do cheat, they don’t leave trace behind like men. They have a strategy that work very well with them. If a woman suspects her husband of cheating and confronts him, if he turns out to be innocent he will not be as angry and lash out. On the other hand the same scenario for women is a whole different story. That’s why for men it’s very difficult to catch a cheating wife. She will deny with passion and lash out at you for daring accuse her. I give women props lol

Unfortunately the dynamic is that unless she ends up with the AP not other man will have anything to do with her; unless she lies about the cheating, so it’s a Catch-22 where she can never have another honest relationship. Particularly if the husband never knew, bc how could she ever risk it getting discovered.

[Anonymous]

^ doesn’t sound like she ever had an honest relationship. People that can lie and betray easily don’t learn it overnight. It’s a character flaw that likely was there long before she married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something I noticed in the workplace when extramarital affair involving two employees became known about:

Men looked at the cheating man either with head-shaking resignation as in "well, he's headed for trouble" or a little of "some like it hot" as in "he's a wild guy, but it's up to him."

But women looked at the cheating woman with actual anger. They were disgusted by it, sort of angry, and if they had been friends with her, that usually ended.

That's because most women are too tired for sex and the guilt hangs over them constantly, so the realization that there are some women who'd be happy to sleep with their husband is deeply threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ doesn’t sound like she ever had an honest relationship. People that can lie and betray easily don’t learn it overnight. It’s a character flaw that likely was there long before she married.

This sounds like a neat little formulation but it just isn’t true.

[Anonymous]

If it's a ONS, probably not. I totally get the idea of wanting to have sex with someone else. I'd do it as well if I could get away with it as would most men

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced almost everyone commenting on affairs on both sides (pro and against) on this site has never been near one, let alone in one. Which is a good thing, on balance. But don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Men looked at the cheating man either with head-shaking resignation as in "well, he's headed for trouble" or a little of "some like it hot" as in "he's a wild guy, but it's up to him."

I knew guys at work who cheated. No reason for me to be mad at that guy, he’s not cheating with my wife. I lost all respect for them, particularly when they were dumb enough to cheat with women at work. Risk getting fired and blowing up your family? Dumb dumb dumb.

The reason to be more mad at women than men who cheat is not “patriarchy” or “lower expectations of men”. It is that she is the gatekeeper of sex. If she said no, it wasn’t going to happen. Affairs would never happen if women always said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced almost everyone commenting on affairs on both sides (pro and against) on this site has never been near one, let alone in one. Which is a good thing, on balance. But don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

I wish that were true, my friend.