Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Putting this in sports forum because I think it belongs here.

My kids are as competitive as they come, doing travel sports, and generally very involved in their sports. So I get it. But I am finding more and more that parents have their kids skip out on birthday parties for local tournaments. Or missing the slumber party portion because they want their kids to be ready to compete the next day. They respond immediately to an invitation before the kids are even home from school, so the parents are making the choices.

To what end? These are simply local tournaments, and there will be another one next weekend. How sad that these competitions trump absolutely everything.

In addition to what some others have stated, many team's tournaments and schedules are known way in advance of when your party planning committe is setting your party date and they have already made commitments. For tournaments they have already made a financial commitment that cannot be refunded, either. Maybe plan your kids party 6 months in advance. But even if you did, my kids will still opt for their sports event. Sowwyy, boohoo.

You’re not mature enough to be parenting children. How embarrassing for you.

[Anonymous]

Would your kid have had a happy (or happier) childhood if they’d never been introduced to their sport or their travel aspect of it?

In someways, some kids (travel sports kids, elite musical kids) today are more like pre-1930s kids when they didn’t really have much of a childhood or time to be teenagers. teenagers (as we think of them) pretty much evolved in the 1950s. By 16 up until mis 1900s you were expected to work. Today that regression is seen a lot in the youth travel sports world. Heck, we’re seeing more academies pop up where sports are emphasizes more and school is scheduled around sports training. This was limited to a few sports like figure skating, gymnastics, ballet in the US. Now we more and more of this for baseball, hockey, and tennis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

Most will play in college

Most? LOL, no, but keep telling yourself that. It helps when those ongoing direct deposits are withdrawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

Most will play in college

Most? LOL, no, but keep telling yourself that. It helps when those ongoing direct deposits are withdrawn.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am adamant that sports not take priority.

I say this as the sister of an elite athlete who had no childhood. I was constantly being dragged to meets. Was not allowed my own EC's. Couldn't hand out with friends on weekends. Until I turned 16 and they were ok with leaving me alone on the weekends, my entire life came second to his.

My parents paid for OOS college as an apology, but the wounds run deep.

This is not at all what we are talking about.

Sure it is. If the athlete isn't getting a childhood the siblings aren't either.

Nonsense. My athlete’s siblings…also have their passionate activities (in our case, music and dance). When one is at a sports tournament, the other is in the studio.

[Anonymous]

I think what OP isn’t getting is that this IS a warm hearted and fun childhood for many kids. The team is filled with their closest friends, and in between tournament games they are bonding at an arcade, at team dinners. The parents are becoming friends and there is a lot of support and comraderie. It just doesn’t look like your childhood or the one your child is experiencing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP isn’t getting is that this IS a warm hearted and fun childhood for many kids. The team is filled with their closest friends, and in between tournament games they are bonding at an arcade, at team dinners. The parents are becoming friends and there is a lot of support and comraderie. It just doesn’t look like your childhood or the one your child is experiencing.

The downside to that is having to make the team every year to keep your friends. My kids have been on teams where they are comfortably in the middle and near the top and it's not stressful at all, but they've also been near the bottom and that is incredibly stressful. An 11 or 12 year old is facing a situation where if they don't make the team, they lose most of their good friends. I've seen it happen to kids and they just seem miserable for the remainder of the season and then they're dropped off of text threads and forgotten by the middle of the next season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the choice some kids and families have made, including mine. What's the big deal?

And to what end? Well, for DD, she has been working and playing with her team for 4 years now, improving, growing and having fun. Tournaments can often be the best part of the experience as you get to stay in hotels with your teammates and/or put your skills to the test. It's sort of like asking a cello player, what is the point of a concert?

Yeah, no. There aren’t concerts every weekend.

Nor are their tournaments every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP isn’t getting is that this IS a warm hearted and fun childhood for many kids. The team is filled with their closest friends, and in between tournament games they are bonding at an arcade, at team dinners. The parents are becoming friends and there is a lot of support and comraderie. It just doesn’t look like your childhood or the one your child is experiencing.

The downside to that is having to make the team every year to keep your friends. My kids have been on teams where they are comfortably in the middle and near the top and it's not stressful at all, but they've also been near the bottom and that is incredibly stressful. An 11 or 12 year old is facing a situation where if they don't make the team, they lose most of their good friends. I've seen it happen to kids and they just seem miserable for the remainder of the season and then they're dropped off of text threads and forgotten by the middle of the next season.

Eh, not all teams are so cutthroat. DD plays for a team that values consistency of players - so unless there becomes a big gulf between a player and the rest of the team skill-wise, people don't get cut. And yet they are ranked within the top 5 teams in the state for their sport (soccer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would your kid have had a happy (or happier) childhood if they’d never been introduced to their sport or their travel aspect of it?

In someways, some kids (travel sports kids, elite musical kids) today are more like pre-1930s kids when they didn’t really have much of a childhood or time to be teenagers. teenagers (as we think of them) pretty much evolved in the 1950s. By 16 up until mis 1900s you were expected to work. Today that regression is seen a lot in the youth travel sports world. Heck, we’re seeing more academies pop up where sports are emphasizes more and school is scheduled around sports training. This was limited to a few sports like figure skating, gymnastics, ballet in the US. Now we more and more of this for baseball, hockey, and tennis.

But there is a HUGE gulf between a local kid on a local travel soccer team and a kid shipped off to IMG Academy. Practicing 2-3 times a week plus a game just isn't that much time that kids are "losing their childhood."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP isn’t getting is that this IS a warm hearted and fun childhood for many kids. The team is filled with their closest friends, and in between tournament games they are bonding at an arcade, at team dinners. The parents are becoming friends and there is a lot of support and comraderie. It just doesn’t look like your childhood or the one your child is experiencing.

The downside to that is having to make the team every year to keep your friends. My kids have been on teams where they are comfortably in the middle and near the top and it's not stressful at all, but they've also been near the bottom and that is incredibly stressful. An 11 or 12 year old is facing a situation where if they don't make the team, they lose most of their good friends. I've seen it happen to kids and they just seem miserable for the remainder of the season and then they're dropped off of text threads and forgotten by the middle of the next season.

Eh, not all teams are so cutthroat. DD plays for a team that values consistency of players - so unless there becomes a big gulf between a player and the rest of the team skill-wise, people don't get cut. And yet they are ranked within the top 5 teams in the state for their sport (soccer).

If it’s actually a top 5 (not a gotsoccer top 5), then there are players cycling in an out. If it’s a got soccer top 5, then it isn’t even close to top 5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would your kid have had a happy (or happier) childhood if they’d never been introduced to their sport or their travel aspect of it?

In someways, some kids (travel sports kids, elite musical kids) today are more like pre-1930s kids when they didn’t really have much of a childhood or time to be teenagers. teenagers (as we think of them) pretty much evolved in the 1950s. By 16 up until mis 1900s you were expected to work. Today that regression is seen a lot in the youth travel sports world. Heck, we’re seeing more academies pop up where sports are emphasizes more and school is scheduled around sports training. This was limited to a few sports like figure skating, gymnastics, ballet in the US. Now we more and more of this for baseball, hockey, and tennis.

But there is a HUGE gulf between a local kid on a local travel soccer team and a kid shipped off to IMG Academy. Practicing 2-3 times a week plus a game just isn't that much time that kids are "losing their childhood."

What travel teams are you on with only 2-3x a week? The ones my kids have been on require at least 5 days starting at 8yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would your kid have had a happy (or happier) childhood if they’d never been introduced to their sport or their travel aspect of it?

In someways, some kids (travel sports kids, elite musical kids) today are more like pre-1930s kids when they didn’t really have much of a childhood or time to be teenagers. teenagers (as we think of them) pretty much evolved in the 1950s. By 16 up until mis 1900s you were expected to work. Today that regression is seen a lot in the youth travel sports world. Heck, we’re seeing more academies pop up where sports are emphasizes more and school is scheduled around sports training. This was limited to a few sports like figure skating, gymnastics, ballet in the US. Now we more and more of this for baseball, hockey, and tennis.

But there is a HUGE gulf between a local kid on a local travel soccer team and a kid shipped off to IMG Academy. Practicing 2-3 times a week plus a game just isn't that much time that kids are "losing their childhood."

What travel teams are you on with only 2-3x a week? The ones my kids have been on require at least 5 days starting at 8yo.

EYBL basketball team - 3x a week practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would your kid have had a happy (or happier) childhood if they’d never been introduced to their sport or their travel aspect of it?

In someways, some kids (travel sports kids, elite musical kids) today are more like pre-1930s kids when they didn’t really have much of a childhood or time to be teenagers. teenagers (as we think of them) pretty much evolved in the 1950s. By 16 up until mis 1900s you were expected to work. Today that regression is seen a lot in the youth travel sports world. Heck, we’re seeing more academies pop up where sports are emphasizes more and school is scheduled around sports training. This was limited to a few sports like figure skating, gymnastics, ballet in the US. Now we more and more of this for baseball, hockey, and tennis.

But there is a HUGE gulf between a local kid on a local travel soccer team and a kid shipped off to IMG Academy. Practicing 2-3 times a week plus a game just isn't that much time that kids are "losing their childhood."

What travel teams are you on with only 2-3x a week? The ones my kids have been on require at least 5 days starting at 8yo.

EYBL basketball team - 3x a week practice.

+ Almost all travel soccer teams.

[Anonymous]

Likely unpopular opinion here, but coming to this from a perspective of having older kids.

Looking back at it (I have a senior and a sophomore) I wish we had just stuck with rec sports for our athlete for so many reasons.

First, our child who did/does not play travel sports had to get dragged around to tournaments all year round. He is not a complainer and we took advantage of that. So wrong of us.

Our travel sport athlete (basketball and baseball and developmental soccer so not travel, but not rec) was under such pressure to perform by coaches (especially in baseball) and it was not good. When Covid hit we quit the club sports and he now plays three seasons of sports for his high school and is so much happier. He's playing for the right reasons. He also even tried a new sport in high school that he is loving.

People ask us all the time if he will play one of his sports in college. I think we would like to see him continue a sport at a D3 school if if it's a match in all ways (academics, location, socially, size, etc.) because he thrives with structure, but it's up to him.

I also think about all the travel and other experiences we missed out on when our kids were young.

Your child is only a child once. Let them be a child and have lots of varied experiences.

In my opinion, travel/club sports are the worst thing to happen in youth sports. It's insane that there are travel teams for 1st graders. As they say, "It's all about the Benjamins baby."