Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

Well, if the team needs them there, they made a commitment to the team. They are not supposed to choose the birthday party over the tournament.

[Anonymous]

Being on teams and sports is part of childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being on teams and sports is part of childhood.

I don't get the issue here. I was a national high school champion in my sport, and yes, used it to get to college. But even if I wasn't that good, the competition was intense and made me feel like I was living, and not just getting by. And it wasn't my single mother parent pushing me. She was supportive but this was all my decision. Yes, I missed out on a lot -no prom -no parties-no drinking or pot and so on as the stakes got higher from the 7th grade when I first got noticed. But I did unusual things. A week after getting my license I drove at age 16 to run a national meet in Knoxville against college runners. Stopped at Indianapolis to get a training session in, and cadged a free dorm stay at Univ of Tenn - lived on peanut butter but who wouldn't loved this at age 16? Of course there were nerves involved as you had to compete with insane intensity, but everything else later in life did not seem so hard. I can't imagine a life without sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being on teams and sports is part of childhood.

I don't get the issue here. I was a national high school champion in my sport, and yes, used it to get to college. But even if I wasn't that good, the competition was intense and made me feel like I was living, and not just getting by. And it wasn't my single mother parent pushing me. She was supportive but this was all my decision. Yes, I missed out on a lot -no prom -no parties-no drinking or pot and so on as the stakes got higher from the 7th grade when I first got noticed. But I did unusual things. A week after getting my license I drove at age 16 to run a national meet in Knoxville against college runners. Stopped at Indianapolis to get a training session in, and cadged a free dorm stay at Univ of Tenn - lived on peanut butter but who wouldn't loved this at age 16? Of course there were nerves involved as you had to compete with insane intensity, but everything else later in life did not seem so hard. I can't imagine a life without sports.

+1. I don’t know if my son will ever be as good as you but sports are who he is and he’s following his passion and dream. IMO this is one of those IYKYK situations. Not everyone is going to understand or agree with these values. My son plays his sport 6 days a week during the winter and 5 days a week in the spring and fall. He’s been doing this since he was 10. It’s who he is. He probably wouldn’t even miss practice for a birthday party. He’s committed and we support that. Some people on here make discipline sound like a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:That's the choice some kids and families have made, including mine. What's the big deal?

And to what end? Well, for DD, she has been working and playing with her team for 4 years now, improving, growing and having fun. Tournaments can often be the best part of the experience as you get to stay in hotels with your teammates and/or put your skills to the test. It's sort of like asking a cello player, what is the point of a concert?

Yeah, no. There aren’t concerts every weekend.

Nor are their tournaments every weekend.

Oh, I see. Are you always this clueless and literal?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think that it's only about missing specific events, but what about free play/free time? Everything a kid/teen does now a days is always an organized event.

Depends on the kid. It’s more an issue for an older kid who plays multiple sports at a competitive level. But for us, our travel athlete has a very intense season (spring through early summer) but the rest of the year is much more chill.

No matter the kids age or whether or not they actually like these types of activities, free time is so important. I don't think kids get nearly enough.

Travel sports are typically a couple practices a week and tournaments here and there. How much free time do you think a kid needs?

What? No. That is not “typical” for travel sports at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think that it's only about missing specific events, but what about free play/free time? Everything a kid/teen does now a days is always an organized event.

Yes and we are seeing the issues played out in STEM. You need downtime, time to get bored and figure out how to entertain yourself without help, are all necessary for engineering and other STEM fields. Kids are natural tinkerers and they don’t have enough time to truly dabble.

This isn’t a STEM issue. I grew up in the free play, go outside and entertain yourself era of the 80s and tinkering was never something I did and STEM was never a strength or an interest.

Yeah I think it's only a certain kind of kid who tinkers with stuff in their free time. The kids I know how are like this aren't really interested in sports. Not everyone who ends up in STEM was a tinkerer in childhood.

On the topic of not having downtime or time to get bored and figure out how to entertain yourself... with certain sports you actually do engage in some level of this. I was a swimmer and spent a lot of time staring at the black line on the bottom of the pool. You have to pay attention to what you're doing, but at the same time a lot of it is repetitive and automatic. I remember having a lot of time to think while I swam. I would come up with all kinds of ideas and would entertain myself by translating every thought I had into the language I was learning at the time. So I was definitely getting some cognitive benefits in addition to the exercise.

I realize team sports taking place on land don't really offer this type of quiet time. But I would bet a similar thing happens for cross country runners or other sports where there's a lot of repetition or waiting around alone?

Idk

Car rides
Between games
If you have 1 game you have tons of down time the rest of the day for 8am game

Also down time needs is not the same for every kid. My introvert needs tons of down time and my extroverted son doesn’t.

You’re counting “car rides” as downtime? ROFL. Yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For DS tournaments have been some of the most memorable part of his childhood - getting to do what he loves, bonding with teammates, forging lifelong friendships, getting to visit different cities and even states. We as parents have loved it as well. Some of our best friends now are other baseball parents.

What I have observed is these "lifelong friends' get dropped like hot potatos once they don't make the team or don't want to play any more.

Exactly. It’s the same vibe as women who get sucked into MLMs and brag endlessly about their “tribe” or “lifelong band of sisters.” The minute they stop shilling the junk, poof — “sisters” are gone.

[Anonymous]

Ha - I too wish my kid would count car rides as down time. He is stretched out in the backseat with snacks and his phone - often oblivious to soul crushing traffic of 95 S on a late Sunday afternoon. But he doesn’t see it this way.

[Anonymous]

The formal team time commitment in this area is especially high. I'm not sure it is ideal outcome wise either since there is less emphasis on individual skill development and the skill "practice" I see is done in overly formalized private settings like 1:1 coaching.
I grew up playing a couple of sports in flyover country at a competitive level and played college basketball in the late 2000s. My experience was much different than what I see, especially with the local AAU culture here. I hope the kids today don't miss out too much on the imaginative part of being a kid.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have a kid that is committed to a sport, it’s easy to assume it’s the parents driving the bus and pushing their kids and maybe that belief makes you feel superior for making different choices for your DC. But, for those of us who have kids who love their sport and playing on a team, it’s a very different reality. We spend a ton of time with the team and know all the kids/parents on the team pretty darn well. By 12u and certainly by 13u+ it’s very rare to find a kid who is being forced to be there by parents.

[Anonymous]

My kid isn't going to miss the culmination of their sport season for a dumb birthday party.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

Cosigning this post.

Too bad you don't care about her siblings.

I wrote the post PP co-signed. My DD has one sibling. He plays two rec sports, plays an instrument, and does some academic extracurriculars. He has never in his life missed doing something because of her sport--we are a two parent family and only one needs to go with DD. Also, DD did not get intense until DS was old enough to stay home alone, so that is also an option. And this may blow your mind, but often times--not always--when DS does not have other plans, he CHOOSES to come watch DD play! This is a kid who enjoys watching sports on TV and in person, generally, and has recently commented that her team has actually gotten good enough to be fun to watch. He cheers for his sister and gets really into it when it is a close game. I am sorry that your life was put on hold for your sibling's sport, but do not assume that is true for all siblings of intense athletes.

If she didn't get intense until he was old enough to stay home alone for 3-4 days at a time, you really have no idea what you're talking about.

I meant local(ish) tournaments where we do not stay overnight. We typically only travel long distance once per month and only one parent goes unless it is a location where we all want to go, because there are other attractions, too. And the original post that started this thread specifically mentioned kids missing birthday parties for local tournaments. Yes, we get it, your elite athlete sibling was flying all over the country at 8 and you had no life. That’s not what this thread is about. Move along.

It's exactly what this thread is about. For everything the athlete misses, the non-athlete sibling misses more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lifelong friends lol

Not in our case. I was hoping that friendships (adult and kid) would continue but they didn’t. After a few attempts by many to keep in touch, it became evident that with kids off to different colleges, it really was the activity keeping families together. When I asked my DD if she kept in touch with anyone of her teammates she told me she wasn’t even that close to them and hung out with the group because they were a team and it was expected. I was sad to hear that. It was fun at the time though but don’t count on lifelong friendships outside of the occasional birthday wish they FAcebook.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It has been interesting reading replies.

To further color in the situation, this bday party is for a very small group of best friends. We changed the date when we were told it conflicted with friend's out-of-town tournament.

DC asked friend if the LOCAL tournament that happens to be the next day after our rescheduled party was a big deal, a championship type tournament, etc. It is not.

So my point is simply that I am saddened that "I have to get my rest for a run-of-the-mill local tournament game instead of fully participating in a best friend's small party that was moved to accommodate me in the first place" is where we are as a society.

I understand travel sports, I understand the commitment, I understand all of the points PPs have made. I still stand by my lament -- and those of others -- that our youth sports culture has overtaken so much.