Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

It’s not missing out on childhood, it is their childhood.

Standing by a commitment is not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but my daughter would rather spend the weekend with her soccer teammates at a tournament than attending a birthday party. It’s what lights her up and brings her enjoyment. She’s not missing out on any childhood, this is her childhood!

[Anonymous]

Imagine spending a couple thousand dollars on your kid’s activity, getting them to 2-3 practices a week, showing up to a tournament, and they don’t have enough players to even compete because kids prioritized birthday parties over the tournament. I’d be pretty annoyed. So no, we don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Stop planning parties at 1pm on a Saturday if you want a lot of kids to come. My son does travel baseball, this is a bad time and he won't come if he has a tournament. The work around he and his friends have come up with his Friday parties because many more of the kids are available then. If it's important that the closest friends come, then coordinate the date and time with their parents before booking the party.

[Anonymous]

I have one in club swim and soccer. Another in club swim and basketball. This weekend one parent is taking a kid to a swim meet 1.5 h away and the other parent is taking a kid to an out of state soccer tournament that is a 6 h drive away. They both love hanging out with their teammates, but I also make sure they do other social events including birthday parties, school functions, volunteer opportunities, movie night etc, because it’s not good for them just to hang out with sports teammates. They need to hang out with friends from band, from chess, from school, from down the street. I think it’s great that kids love their sport(s), but you don’t want to limit your kid by having them identify as an athlete who only hangs out with other athletes.

[Anonymous]

Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting this in sports forum because I think it belongs here.

My kids are as competitive as they come, doing travel sports, and generally very involved in their sports. So I get it. But I am finding more and more that parents have their kids skip out on birthday parties for local tournaments. Or missing the slumber party portion because they want their kids to be ready to compete the next day. They respond immediately to an invitation before the kids are even home from school, so the parents are making the choices.

To what end? These are simply local tournaments, and there will be another one next weekend. How sad that these competitions trump absolutely everything.

In addition to what some others have stated, many team's tournaments and schedules are known way in advance of when your party planning committe is setting your party date and they have already made commitments. For tournaments they have already made a financial commitment that cannot be refunded, either. Maybe plan your kids party 6 months in advance. But even if you did, my kids will still opt for their sports event. Sowwyy, boohoo.

[Anonymous]

Yep my kid quit ECNL because she was just tired of it. The travel and practice. I do not blame her at all. The time commitment is ridiculous.

And for what? I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one in club swim and soccer. Another in club swim and basketball. This weekend one parent is taking a kid to a swim meet 1.5 h away and the other parent is taking a kid to an out of state soccer tournament that is a 6 h drive away. They both love hanging out with their teammates, but I also make sure they do other social events including birthday parties, school functions, volunteer opportunities, movie night etc, because it’s not good for them just to hang out with sports teammates. They need to hang out with friends from band, from chess, from school, from down the street. I think it’s great that kids love their sport(s), but you don’t want to limit your kid by having them identify as an athlete who only hangs out with other athletes.

This.

Also, there is less than zero guarantee your kid won't get cut from the team at some point. Seen it happen and it's the kids whole life. People post here about it.

[Anonymous]

My child is a serious musician, and would never miss a private lesson, rehearsal, concert, audition, competition or recital. When you add those up, it gets to be quite the time commitment. When the kids were younger and had birthday parties, I would call up parents in advance to check availability.

[Anonymous]

It generally isn’t a great idea to miss many kids’ sports games OP- and we save our “misses” for illness or important family events. It isn’t about “missing childhood” but rather honoring commitments, after a certain age (what specific age that is, is debatable I suppose). I assume we aren’t talking about kindergarteners here.

I’ll use my 12yo DS as an example- he plays travel baseball in the fall and rec baseball spring/summer. On his travel baseball team, it was agreed by coaches and parents to carry 11 players - a smaller roster allowing tons of playing time for all. That roster size allows leeway for illness or important family things but if every kid missed for social events they wouldn’t be able to field a team! The alternative is a larger roster but then parents get upset when their kids sit too much. The travel season is just for a few months. In rec ball (little league), there is more flexibility during the regular season for sure (the games are not important and the schedule is light) but at playoff time, coaches really need kids there- they plan lineups, pitching, etc ahead and it is rude and inconsiderate to miss unless it is important. For summer all stars, kids agree to be present for every practice and game as a condition of being on the team (illness etc aside).

In many team sports, kids need good attendance to field a team. The alternative is to have huge teams where kids sit the bench a lot (no fun- every kid and parent hates that).

Poor attendance also reflects poorly on the child at a certain point, and can harm chances of making future teams.

The kids aren’t “missing childhood”- they have fun playing sports and still have plenty of free time (mine do, anyway)- but so have to plan around things so may not be available on a given day.

Hope that helps

[Anonymous]

Our family would never do travel sports but for any social invitation, you have to know and adjust for your audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

Seriously, WTF. This isn’t middle of nowhere Wyoming. There are thousands of kids within a 1 hour radius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not missing out on childhood, it is their childhood.

Standing by a commitment is not a bad thing.

This.

Prioritizing games and sport is the childhood of an athlete. It may not be what OP is used to but it is a perfectly valid childhood.

I don't feel bad about it. Most of the time, my kids don't either. My DS in particular will not miss his games or practice for anything. As a result, most of the families that we hang out with are travel sports families, as well.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.