Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am adamant that sports not take priority.

I say this as the sister of an elite athlete who had no childhood. I was constantly being dragged to meets. Was not allowed my own EC's. Couldn't hand out with friends on weekends. Until I turned 16 and they were ok with leaving me alone on the weekends, my entire life came second to his.

My parents paid for OOS college as an apology, but the wounds run deep.

Is this a single parent home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

Most will play in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

I don’t get this mindset.

My kids play instruments. I doubt they’ll continue in college, so are they better off just quitting now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am adamant that sports not take priority.

I say this as the sister of an elite athlete who had no childhood. I was constantly being dragged to meets. Was not allowed my own EC's. Couldn't hand out with friends on weekends. Until I turned 16 and they were ok with leaving me alone on the weekends, my entire life came second to his.

My parents paid for OOS college as an apology, but the wounds run deep.

Is this a single parent home?

My dad was military and never home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

Most will play in college

In your dreams bubba. Soccer is 50 percent international at the D1 level and continues to go up each year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I remember looking at the team and thinking there is maybe 1 to 2 girls who standout. The rest are all average or below.

Maybe you need to look at your definition of average. Otherwise, you must be on a really crappy ECNL team. ECNL players in this area (at least girls) are, by definition, well above "average".

None will play college

Most will play in college

In your dreams bubba. Soccer is 50 percent international at the D1 level and continues to go up each year

PP said girls ECNL. Look at the numbers, and no, soccer is not 50% international on the girls side

[Anonymous]

Sports can be great, if the child actually wants to play them, but they should be a part of their childhood, not take it over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crazy parents living vicariously through their kids. No wonder kids are anxious and depressed. Most posters will not agree but you all are depriving kids of their childhoods and this schedule is unhealthy for kids

Yes travel sport are not really fun. Watch the kids. They look miserable, afraid to make a mistake, never smiling, constant pressure from parents, etc.

Who are you weirdos whose kids don't do travel sports, but you spend enough time at travel tournaments to know the kids are never smiling? Are you a ref/ump? So weird. Anyway, I can think of one girl on my kid's travel team who fits your description--never smiling, pressure from dad, etc. The other 11, from the best to the worst players on the team, always seem happy playing.

And we are a family of two parents and two kids, so my other kid, who plays two rec sports and does other activities as well, does not miss out on a single thing because of his sister's sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

Cosigning this post.

Too bad you don't care about her siblings.

I wrote the post PP co-signed. My DD has one sibling. He plays two rec sports, plays an instrument, and does some academic extracurriculars. He has never in his life missed doing something because of her sport--we are a two parent family and only one needs to go with DD. Also, DD did not get intense until DS was old enough to stay home alone, so that is also an option. And this may blow your mind, but often times--not always--when DS does not have other plans, he CHOOSES to come watch DD play! This is a kid who enjoys watching sports on TV and in person, generally, and has recently commented that her team has actually gotten good enough to be fun to watch. He cheers for his sister and gets really into it when it is a close game. I am sorry that your life was put on hold for your sibling's sport, but do not assume that is true for all siblings of intense athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

Cosigning this post.

Too bad you don't care about her siblings.

I wrote the post PP co-signed. My DD has one sibling. He plays two rec sports, plays an instrument, and does some academic extracurriculars. He has never in his life missed doing something because of her sport--we are a two parent family and only one needs to go with DD. Also, DD did not get intense until DS was old enough to stay home alone, so that is also an option. And this may blow your mind, but often times--not always--when DS does not have other plans, he CHOOSES to come watch DD play! This is a kid who enjoys watching sports on TV and in person, generally, and has recently commented that her team has actually gotten good enough to be fun to watch. He cheers for his sister and gets really into it when it is a close game. I am sorry that your life was put on hold for your sibling's sport, but do not assume that is true for all siblings of intense athletes.

If she didn't get intense until he was old enough to stay home alone for 3-4 days at a time, you really have no idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting this in sports forum because I think it belongs here.

My kids are as competitive as they come, doing travel sports, and generally very involved in their sports. So I get it. But I am finding more and more that parents have their kids skip out on birthday parties for local tournaments. Or missing the slumber party portion because they want their kids to be ready to compete the next day. They respond immediately to an invitation before the kids are even home from school, so the parents are making the choices.

To what end? These are simply local tournaments, and there will be another one next weekend. How sad that these competitions trump absolutely everything.

My kids are at the age where these things are smaller affairs though one of my kids just received an all class invite to a birthday party. In the smaller affairs (3-4 kids), most of the parents have kids on travel teams there has generally been some effort to coordinate when to have these. Sometimes it doesn't work and life goes on. But, yeah - 1 PM on a Saturday afternoon...yeah, it is likely not going to happen - late. It isn't only the invited kid but I have 2 others that play travel sports and me or my wife are running them around. Early evenings when things wind down are more open. For larger events, I've always said, don't plan around us, if we can make it, we will, if we can't, we can't.

Also, not to sound condescending but there are times when someone invites my kid to a birthday party and they aren't as close as the invitor thinks, we use sports as an excuse not to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

Cosigning this post.

Too bad you don't care about her siblings.

I wrote the post PP co-signed. My DD has one sibling. He plays two rec sports, plays an instrument, and does some academic extracurriculars. He has never in his life missed doing something because of her sport--we are a two parent family and only one needs to go with DD. Also, DD did not get intense until DS was old enough to stay home alone, so that is also an option. And this may blow your mind, but often times--not always--when DS does not have other plans, he CHOOSES to come watch DD play! This is a kid who enjoys watching sports on TV and in person, generally, and has recently commented that her team has actually gotten good enough to be fun to watch. He cheers for his sister and gets really into it when it is a close game. I am sorry that your life was put on hold for your sibling's sport, but do not assume that is true for all siblings of intense athletes.

If she didn't get intense until he was old enough to stay home alone for 3-4 days at a time, you really have no idea what you're talking about.

I meant local(ish) tournaments where we do not stay overnight. We typically only travel long distance once per month and only one parent goes unless it is a location where we all want to go, because there are other attractions, too. And the original post that started this thread specifically mentioned kids missing birthday parties for local tournaments. Yes, we get it, your elite athlete sibling was flying all over the country at 8 and you had no life. That’s not what this thread is about. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

Cosigning this post.

Too bad you don't care about her siblings.

I wrote the post PP co-signed. My DD has one sibling. He plays two rec sports, plays an instrument, and does some academic extracurriculars. He has never in his life missed doing something because of her sport--we are a two parent family and only one needs to go with DD. Also, DD did not get intense until DS was old enough to stay home alone, so that is also an option. And this may blow your mind, but often times--not always--when DS does not have other plans, he CHOOSES to come watch DD play! This is a kid who enjoys watching sports on TV and in person, generally, and has recently commented that her team has actually gotten good enough to be fun to watch. He cheers for his sister and gets really into it when it is a close game. I am sorry that your life was put on hold for your sibling's sport, but do not assume that is true for all siblings of intense athletes.

So you and one or two kids live your lives pretty much apart from your spouse and travel athlete — and you think that’s somehow healthier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the choice some kids and families have made, including mine. What's the big deal?

And to what end? Well, for DD, she has been working and playing with her team for 4 years now, improving, growing and having fun. Tournaments can often be the best part of the experience as you get to stay in hotels with your teammates and/or put your skills to the test. It's sort of like asking a cello player, what is the point of a concert?

Yeah, no. There aren’t concerts every weekend.