My boyfriend does side work as a painter but telling me to hire someone to paint my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe him. I didn't ask him to paint my whole house. Every weekend he does projects for other people. He's paid, obviously. When he said that, I asked if he was serious. I then told him to stop showing me all the work he does for other people. Other people who don't have sex with him. If I had a ton of money, it might be different, but I am a social worker.

He might be feeling performance pressure. I was a painter in college. Sometimes you don't mix right. Not enough shake. Not enough stir. You're up on a high ladder. Bucket of paint hooked on. The end of the day is nigh. You just want to be finished with a long, hot, sunburned work day. Going down is a pain. Ladders are meant for four limbs not three. So you put the thin gruel on the wall because you want to be done with it. And then you hope people don't notice too much.

So the obvious lesson here is to never ask 18 year olds to paint your house. And probably anyone you have a relationship with. When you do "blue collar" work for people you're close with, sometimes it gets weird. The dynamics of the relationship can change in all sorts of weird and unpredictable ways. Totally depends on how genuine the relationship is.

If I were the dude, unless the OP is broke, I would not paint this house. Too loaded. Things would probably change. It's no different than asking your lawyer bf/gf to help with "a legal matter." It's not a good idea. The partner becomes the hired job. And everything changes. Would not go there

For painting, always stick with the ex-cons. The genuine pros

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe him. I didn't ask him to paint my whole house. Every weekend he does projects for other people. He's paid, obviously. When he said that, I asked if he was serious. I then told him to stop showing me all the work he does for other people. Other people who don't have sex with him. If I had a ton of money, it might be different, but I am a social worker.

He might be feeling performance pressure. I was a painter in college. Sometimes you don't mix right. Not enough shake. Not enough stir. You're up on a high ladder. Bucket of paint hooked on. The end of the day is nigh. You just want to be finished with a long, hot, sunburned work day. Going down is a pain. Ladders are meant for four limbs not three. So you put the thin gruel on the wall because you want to be done with it. And then you hope people don't notice too much.

So the obvious lesson here is to never ask 18 year olds to paint your house. And probably anyone you have a relationship with. When you do "blue collar" work for people you're close with, sometimes it gets weird. The dynamics of the relationship can change in all sorts of weird and unpredictable ways. Totally depends on how genuine the relationship is.

If I were the dude, unless the OP is broke, I would not paint this house. Too loaded. Things would probably change. It's no different than asking your lawyer bf/gf to help with "a legal matter." It's not a good idea. The partner becomes the hired job. And everything changes. Would not go there

For painting, always stick with the ex-cons. The genuine pros

She wasn't asking him to paint the outside of her townhouse. It was her living room.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's too much to ask. Any guy worth pursuing would do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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It's extremely annoying when someone close to you presumes that you'd be willing to do your professional work for free, just based on your relationship.

This right here.

Depends on the relationship. In this case, it's his girlfriend. Bald 40 year old can be annoyed but he won't have an easy time finding a girlfriend.

He will have zero problems in this area. ZERO, especially if he has money

Not if he can only marry someone from his culture, and those people tend to marry young and not divorced men. At 40, he should be able to make his own decisions.

He will be fine. OP, OTOH, already has a child and isn’t married at 30. Of course, she acts a lot younger than she is so there’s that.

Op here. We are both divorced. My ex-husband is a high earner so I am not a single mom. My boyfriend doesn't have kids but really wants one. I am also open to dating and marrying someone from the US, which is where we all live so I would say my chances are better. His family is adamant he marries someone from our culture. I am outgoing, and that does help with dating.

Could you please explain this part?

[Anonymous]

Op, I get it. It would definitely irk me if my husband didn’t help with something he does all the time for other people. I think it’s sad there are so many people on this board who feel it’s somehow wrong to ask or expect things from a partner. I know this is your boyfriend but it sounds like you were serious enough to discuss marriage. That being said, this could be an issue of poor communication about love languages etc that could be a real opportunity in your relationship or it could be, for you, the last straw in a series of events that leads you to question compatibility. That we can’t judge but sounds like you made up your mind.

[Anonymous]

You’re giving him wife benefits but he’s not giving you girlfriend benefits. You mentioned you’re both from a culture where you’re not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, does he respect you in this regard. Are you his girlfriend to the world or are you a secret?

[Anonymous]

Ask him to teach you how to paint. Then you can do your own work and get some well paid side gigs also - maybe you can join his crew!

[Anonymous]

I think you are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get it. It would definitely irk me if my husband didn’t help with something he does all the time for other people. I think it’s sad there are so many people on this board who feel it’s somehow wrong to ask or expect things from a partner.

It's not wrong to ask. It is wrong to demand.

It is also wrong and totally gross to have the attitude "he must do this for me because I gave him so many BJs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get it. It would definitely irk me if my husband didn’t help with something he does all the time for other people. I think it’s sad there are so many people on this board who feel it’s somehow wrong to ask or expect things from a partner.

It's not wrong to ask. It is wrong to demand.

It is also wrong and totally gross to have the attitude "he must do this for me because I gave him so many BJs."

LOL. With that attitude, I guess you don't give that many. Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get it. It would definitely irk me if my husband didn’t help with something he does all the time for other people. I think it’s sad there are so many people on this board who feel it’s somehow wrong to ask or expect things from a partner.

It's not wrong to ask. It is wrong to demand.

It is also wrong and totally gross to have the attitude "he must do this for me because I gave him so many BJs."

LOL. With that attitude, I guess you don't give that many. Poor guy.

NP. I give plenty. I don't demand that he does things in return because I gave him multiple blow jobs ... Do most guys expect if they get a BJ they should compensate the giver? Mine are given freely and lovingly. Not so my partner will paint the walls.

[jsteele]

The OP is a troll so I am locking this thread.