My boyfriend does side work as a painter but telling me to hire someone to paint my house

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So much drama, OP! So dump him. Sounds like he’d be better off.




Op here. Done. I already did—a 40-year-old bald divorced guy who won't marry outside his culture. I don't think he will be better off, but you never know. I am open to dating outside my culture, but his parents dictate everything for him. His dating pool is very, very small. I am 10 years younger and attractive. This was about more than the painting, but this was def the last straw.


An attractive 30-year-old who owns a house and is employed. She is in a good spot. Not to many 30 year olds would consider a bald guy 10 years older who works 7 days a week.


If she's all that attractive, why was she dating this old bald guy in the first place?

Answer: she is fat and unattractive. Her low-paid, low-status social worker job isn't a draw, if anything it's a minus, because it means she's a gold-digger.


Op here. I am not fat at all! My boyfriend wasn't bald when I met him, and bald guys can be cute. He doesn't look 40. My job requires a master's degree. It's not a fancy career, but I can pay my bills, and I do own a house. Not all men are obsessed with income.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We just had our house painted and it was about $12k. If he’s pulling another job out of his scedule to paint your house its probably costing him a lot of money plus all of the wear and cleanup required after your job.


+1

If he has a side hustle as a painter he probably also does not have much money. You are asking for a huge gift in terms of lost wages. He might have had a different response if you had said "I'm going to paint my house, do you think you could help me?"


It's a side job. He works in IT and has a 6-figure salary.


So what? It's still a side JOB, as in, he does it for pay and not for fun. What does his salary from his full-time job have to do with anything at all? You're saying he doesn't "need" the painting dough so he should just turn down other painting gigs to do your job? How unprofessional that would be.

OP, are you just utterly unaware that household projects can end up creating huge tension between people in a couple? You'll be displeased if he doesn't do it "right" or "fast enough." He'll be ticked if he thinks you're pressuring him to do it faster than he normally would (even if you really aren't). And so on. It's just a gigantic recipe for creating friction. Pay someone to paint it -- go on Angie's List or whatever and gets some estimates; did you not even think about getting estimates? Not all painters are expensive! Or do it yourself. Or just wait.

But don't make it about "I have sex with you and you won't do this for me?!!" Because OP, do you not see what that makes you? Exchanging sex for services is...not a good look.

The fact you're so wound up about expecting him to do this tells me you're possibly not mature enough to understand why it's a terrible idea in the first place.


This is OP. Because he doesn't need to work a weekend job! He has been telling me he wants to stop for over a year but he can't. You realize my boyfriend works everyday of the week and we spend hours speaking about all of his projects. He does it on weekday nights too. This is about more than he declining to help me paint my living room. He also has TWO IT work-from-home jobs, two!!


But you’ve dumped him, right? So what do you care? Move on. He will.



She cared while they were together. I can see her point. Guy has three jobs. That is unattractive to most unless they are only in it for money. She probably doesn't want to remarry because she will get less money for the child she has with her high earner ex-husband.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


Lots of husbands in sexless marriages on this board who’d paint that house inside and out. They’d even buy the materials!
Anonymous
I remember when my DH was courting me, he would do anything for me OP. Anything. Oh the oil changes, custom carpentry, helping me move, on and on....

The guy is just not that into you. You have your answer, move on.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


It's not about whether they would do it. I'm the one with an IT manager BF. He would do it if I asked. But I think it's a pretty big imposition, and quite frankly a matter of respect of his time so I don't ask for things like this. He doesn't ask things of me either. We DO however enjoy each others company a lot and just have fun. Pretty shitty to bring all these expectations into a relationship if you don't live together.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Knowing how long it takes, that’s a huge ask. He’s a boyfriend, not a co owner of your house.


Op here. It would take a weekend to do it. He has spoken to me about doing stuff to my house. He says he enjoys it. It does ring me the wrong way. I do things for him all the time, not to mention how many blowjobs I have given him. He's a very lucky guy.


OK, Troll.


Op here. I will not go into too many details, but both of us are from a culture where sex outside of marriage is a big deal.

Who cares? Are you also from a culture where people as their SO to do things in return for sex? Quid pro quo, or, as I call it, prostitution.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here comes the nag part of the relationship


Op here. The relationship is over. This was the last straw. If this makes me needy, I don't care. My boyfriend is losing his hair. He's 40. Let him go out and find a replacement.


Why did this turn into "he's going bald?" so quickly? TROLL. Men can't help if they lose their hair. You aren't super likable or believable OP.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We just had our house painted and it was about $12k. If he’s pulling another job out of his scedule to paint your house its probably costing him a lot of money plus all of the wear and cleanup required after your job.


+1

If he has a side hustle as a painter he probably also does not have much money. You are asking for a huge gift in terms of lost wages. He might have had a different response if you had said "I'm going to paint my house, do you think you could help me?"


It's a side job. He works in IT and has a 6-figure salary.


So what? It's still a side JOB, as in, he does it for pay and not for fun. What does his salary from his full-time job have to do with anything at all? You're saying he doesn't "need" the painting dough so he should just turn down other painting gigs to do your job? How unprofessional that would be.

OP, are you just utterly unaware that household projects can end up creating huge tension between people in a couple? You'll be displeased if he doesn't do it "right" or "fast enough." He'll be ticked if he thinks you're pressuring him to do it faster than he normally would (even if you really aren't). And so on. It's just a gigantic recipe for creating friction. Pay someone to paint it -- go on Angie's List or whatever and gets some estimates; did you not even think about getting estimates? Not all painters are expensive! Or do it yourself. Or just wait.

But don't make it about "I have sex with you and you won't do this for me?!!" Because OP, do you not see what that makes you? Exchanging sex for services is...not a good look.

The fact you're so wound up about expecting him to do this tells me you're possibly not mature enough to understand why it's a terrible idea in the first place.


This is OP. Because he doesn't need to work a weekend job! He has been telling me he wants to stop for over a year but he can't. You realize my boyfriend works everyday of the week and we spend hours speaking about all of his projects. He does it on weekday nights too. This is about more than he declining to help me paint my living room. He also has TWO IT work from home jobs, two!!


Your EX boyfriend. keep up with your storyline.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I remember when my DH was courting me, he would do anything for me OP. Anything. Oh the oil changes, custom carpentry, helping me move, on and on....

The guy is just not that into you. You have your answer, move on.



As a divorced man, I will say you do sound very attractive. Thin, enjoy sex, have a kid but is not a single mom. As long as you aren't narrowing down your search for single never, married guys, you will be fine.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


It's not about whether they would do it. I'm the one with an IT manager BF. He would do it if I asked. But I think it's a pretty big imposition, and quite frankly a matter of respect of his time so I don't ask for things like this. He doesn't ask things of me either. We DO however enjoy each others company a lot and just have fun. Pretty shitty to bring all these expectations into a relationship if you don't live together.


I'm not sure what your point is besides bragging about your IT manager's boyfriend. OP can't have fun if the guy is off painting everyone else's house on the weekends and weeknights.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


It's not about whether they would do it. I'm the one with an IT manager BF. He would do it if I asked. But I think it's a pretty big imposition, and quite frankly a matter of respect of his time so I don't ask for things like this. He doesn't ask things of me either. We DO however enjoy each others company a lot and just have fun. Pretty shitty to bring all these expectations into a relationship if you don't live together.


I'm not sure what your point is besides bragging about your IT manager's boyfriend. OP can't have fun if the guy is off painting everyone else's house on the weekends and weeknights.


You do know what my point is as I stated it pretty clearly. You don't agree with it, which is fine. I don't impose on my boyfriend's time the way OP thought she could but learned otherwise.

If she wanted to spend more quality time with him, that's one thing. Organize a fun date. My idea of a fun date is not spending the weekend working for free.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I remember when my DH was courting me, he would do anything for me OP. Anything. Oh the oil changes, custom carpentry, helping me move, on and on....

The guy is just not that into you. You have your answer, move on.



This. Many people say she shouldn't have asked, but then you have people like this. FYI, I don't think it's trashy to ask and I do believe her boyfriend is the crazy one if he has three jobs.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


It's not about whether they would do it. I'm the one with an IT manager BF. He would do it if I asked. But I think it's a pretty big imposition, and quite frankly a matter of respect of his time so I don't ask for things like this. He doesn't ask things of me either. We DO however enjoy each others company a lot and just have fun. Pretty shitty to bring all these expectations into a relationship if you don't live together.


I'm not sure what your point is besides bragging about your IT manager's boyfriend. OP can't have fun if the guy is off painting everyone else's house on the weekends and weeknights.


You do know what my point is as I stated it pretty clearly. You don't agree with it, which is fine. I don't impose on my boyfriend's time the way OP thought she could but learned otherwise.

If she wanted to spend more quality time with him, that's one thing. Organize a fun date. My idea of a fun date is not spending the weekend working for free.


Uh-huh, enjoy your IT manager boyfriend, PP. I'm sure he doesn't work every day like OP's boyfriend.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I remember when my DH was courting me, he would do anything for me OP. Anything. Oh the oil changes, custom carpentry, helping me move, on and on....

The guy is just not that into you. You have your answer, move on.



+1 while it's kind of tacky to ask, it's a red flag that he's not at least pretending to be thrilled to offer. I'm currently dating a guy and he would do quite literally anything I asked for me within his power. I borrowed his sunglasses on a date and said I really liked them and he gave the frames to me and completely handled getting new lenses with my prescription put in them. And that was before we'd even kissed! If a guy isn't busting his balls and bending over backward for you while he's courting you he's just not that into you--and I've dated men for too long who were just not that into me before I realized this.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Maybe I’m a sucker (pardon the pun) for bj’s but as her bf I would have been happy to help her. You get to spend some time together and you help her out. If you couldn’t do it over a weekend (because you have other engagements) find a time that works.


This. Many people responding are probably women who don't have sex with their husbands. Most boyfriends would do this for sure.


It's not about whether they would do it. I'm the one with an IT manager BF. He would do it if I asked. But I think it's a pretty big imposition, and quite frankly a matter of respect of his time so I don't ask for things like this. He doesn't ask things of me either. We DO however enjoy each others company a lot and just have fun. Pretty shitty to bring all these expectations into a relationship if you don't live together.


I'm not sure what your point is besides bragging about your IT manager's boyfriend. OP can't have fun if the guy is off painting everyone else's house on the weekends and weeknights.


You do know what my point is as I stated it pretty clearly. You don't agree with it, which is fine. I don't impose on my boyfriend's time the way OP thought she could but learned otherwise.

If she wanted to spend more quality time with him, that's one thing. Organize a fun date. My idea of a fun date is not spending the weekend working for free.


Uh-huh, enjoy your IT manager boyfriend, PP. I'm sure he doesn't work every day like OP's boyfriend.


No, he doesn't. If he did I wouldn't be with him. But that's a different thread.
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