My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

Those degrees sound like subforum titles here! Is this real? Who spends thousands on a masters of relationship advice?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

How does getting married contradict having an ambitious career? Not following.

Because you have to think about the other person's needs and wants, as well. If you stay single, you can just focus on yourself and your career. Be selfish in your 20s because that's really the only time in your adult life you can be.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

How does getting married contradict having an ambitious career? Not following.

Because she's projecting. Girl boss liar who is unmarried and/or childless.

? I'm 52, had a good career, and have two teens. I worked on my career first and traveled, and did want I wanted to do. Once you get married, it's a lot harder to focus just on yourself.

I built up my career and my own wealth, then found a partner. I do not ever recommend a woman being reliant upon a man to help build her wealth. She should be able to do it on her own.

I am jaded. I saw my mother and sisters go through hell in their marriages; they got married in their 20s and couldn't focus on themselves, career or build their own wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best relationship advice is to look at the marital history of your significant other's parents. People who have had parents stay married for long lengths of time have more dedication towards making a marriage work.

I agree with this and told my DC to look for this in a future spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed until 24-25 and for some late 20’s. So execute function isn’t at its fullest until then. That’s just the truth, so I’d say around 28 is probably safe assuming you have a fairly good idea of that SO.

This is such unadulterated BS

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. I was lucky enough to have met my husband at 22, got married at 26, and had our first child at 30. It was the absolute perfect timeline for us and I still think he is a total gem. I would ideally love for my kids to follow the same timeline, but of course, only if they find the right partner. I don't think 20-somethings are immature children and I don't buy into the whole extended adolescence thing.

[Anonymous]

I married late and still made a very bad choice. Now I have less time to recover from it. A key benefit of marrying young is that even if you screw up you have more time for a second chance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. I was lucky enough to have met my husband at 22, got married at 26, and had our first child at 30. It was the absolute perfect timeline for us and I still think he is a total gem. I would ideally love for my kids to follow the same timeline, but of course, only if they find the right partner. I don't think 20-somethings are immature children and I don't buy into the whole extended adolescence thing.

And I forgot to mention that we both have excellent careers doing things we love. Many of the comments seem to suggest that you need to pick marriage/family or career and that is just simply not true.

[Anonymous]

I'm late to the party with this thread but want to chime in and ask: What makes anyone think you can really plan these things??

Nice to have an ideal scenario in your head but you're just lucky if life happens to unfold that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married at 26 and thought it was late, could've done it at 22 when I graduated college. We were stronger as a duo than solo.

Same. DH and I married at 25. Wish we had married at 22. Yes, we are also stronger as a duo. Happily married for 32 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AND no kids until you’ve been married for 5 years. Really get your spouses to see if they would make a good parent. Observe them.

The “marry young” part is for mutual wealth building.

Agreed.

My advice for females - get educated in a high paying, in demand, high barrier to entry - major. Start up your career first.

Marriage may not happen in college or with someone you met at college, but you should still date with an eye towards finding the best person to get married to or have a relationship with. How would that work? Women should date (exploratory casual dating) extensively and socialize extensively. In fact, they should not turn down a coffee date most of the time. They should not be pressured into having a sexual relationship with a date. They should not come across as promiscuous, easy, lacking career goals while dating etc. Be respectful and command respect too.

Grad school is where most people find their spouses. The commonalities are - more mature, some work experience, career goals well defined, know what they want.

Agree with not having kids until in your 30s. Make sure that you are 100% sure that you want the person to be the parent of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best relationship advice is to look at the marital history of your significant other's parents. People who have had parents stay married for long lengths of time have more dedication towards making a marriage work.

It can be a terrible marriage though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree about only dating with an eye toward marriage. When you’re really young, date with an eye toward practicing being in relationships. Enjoy getting to know people. But stay single, so you can get to know yourself too.

Please please please don’t listen to this advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AND no kids until you’ve been married for 5 years. Really get your spouses to see if they would make a good parent. Observe them.

The “marry young” part is for mutual wealth building.

Agreed.

My advice for females - get educated in a high paying, in demand, high barrier to entry - major. Start up your career first.

Marriage may not happen in college or with someone you met at college, but you should still date with an eye towards finding the best person to get married to or have a relationship with. How would that work? Women should date (exploratory casual dating) extensively and socialize extensively. In fact, they should not turn down a coffee date most of the time. They should not be pressured into having a sexual relationship with a date. They should not come across as promiscuous, easy, lacking career goals while dating etc. Be respectful and command respect too.

Grad school is where most people find their spouses. The commonalities are - more mature, some work experience, career goals well defined, know what they want.

Agree with not having kids until in your 30s. Make sure that you are 100% sure that you want the person to be the parent of your children.

Grad school is now online. You must mean law school

[Anonymous]

We met young and married young. (24 and 25 years). It has been incredible for building wealth and we are still happily married in our early 50s. But I don’t think it is perfect for everyone.