Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

Sorry, wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

If you buy sperm, buy a donor egg, and buy a surrogate, how is that not buying a baby? You have not contributed a single component other than money. That's what is offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

If you buy sperm, buy a donor egg, and buy a surrogate, how is that not buying a baby? You have not contributed a single component other than money. That's what is offensive.

I would never tell anyone this IRL but privately I think it's Orwellian and worry about how the child will feel about this when grown. Like a science experiment? Select an egg donor from menu A, and a sperm donor from menu B based on "desirable" traits... I am uncertain about the ethics...There's also such a power imbalance between the young women who are egg "donors" (which carriers risk, sometimes not immediately apparent) and those who buy their eggs...it can be exploitative.. I know that some people are desperate to become parents and do become loving parents, but when does it become an act of selfishness? Should this industry be better regulated? I am sorry if this makes any parents who have engaged in this practice feel defensive but am thinking about the children...would never say this to anyone I know.

[Anonymous]

Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

If you buy sperm, buy a donor egg, and buy a surrogate, how is that not buying a baby? You have not contributed a single component other than money. That's what is offensive.

I would never tell anyone this IRL but privately I think it's Orwellian and worry about how the child will feel about this when grown. Like a science experiment? Select an egg donor from menu A, and a sperm donor from menu B based on "desirable" traits... I am uncertain about the ethics...There's also such a power imbalance between the young women who are egg "donors" (which carriers risk, sometimes not immediately apparent) and those who buy their eggs...it can be exploitative.. I know that some people are desperate to become parents and do become loving parents, but when does it become an act of selfishness? Should this industry be better regulated? I am sorry if this makes any parents who have engaged in this practice feel defensive but am thinking about the children...would never say this to anyone I know.

Rather than speculating, why don't you see what they have to say for themselves? Here is a website for LGBTQ+ families focused on the experiences of the children, some now adults: https://colage.org/our-story/ My sperm bank strongly recommended reading their stories and recommendations to new parents for how to raise donor conceived people in ways that are not hurtful to them (the children). There are many other stories online (some positive some negative) about being donor conceived. Don't just say "think about the children" and assume the children think exactly as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

If you buy sperm, buy a donor egg, and buy a surrogate, how is that not buying a baby? You have not contributed a single component other than money. That's what is offensive.

I would never tell anyone this IRL but privately I think it's Orwellian and worry about how the child will feel about this when grown. Like a science experiment? Select an egg donor from menu A, and a sperm donor from menu B based on "desirable" traits... I am uncertain about the ethics...There's also such a power imbalance between the young women who are egg "donors" (which carriers risk, sometimes not immediately apparent) and those who buy their eggs...it can be exploitative.. I know that some people are desperate to become parents and do become loving parents, but when does it become an act of selfishness? Should this industry be better regulated? I am sorry if this makes any parents who have engaged in this practice feel defensive but am thinking about the children...would never say this to anyone I know.

Rather than speculating, why don't you see what they have to say for themselves? Here is a website for LGBTQ+ families focused on the experiences of the children, some now adults: https://colage.org/our-story/ My sperm bank strongly recommended reading their stories and recommendations to new parents for how to raise donor conceived people in ways that are not hurtful to them (the children). There are many other stories online (some positive some negative) about being donor conceived. Don't just say "think about the children" and assume the children think exactly as you do.

PP again. I do want to add -- I think your concerns for the potential power dynamic with egg donors (and surrogates that others have posted) are a different consideration entirely, and I personally would like to see those industries (as well as sperm donation honestly) have more regulation. I am only addressing the "thinking about the children" comment you made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

[Anonymous]

We decided it wasn't worth 200k whether the baby was biologically ours or not. We went old school and continued to try until I went through menopause.

Do we have some sadness? Yes, absolutely.

But we also have some money for retirement when we would have zero if we had done IVF or adoption. Neither works out for everyone, but you rarely hear from those people who are unsuccessful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

My heart goes out to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You don't know how you will feel about these choices until you are standing in the same shoes and they are your choices to make.

Correct. It is incredibly frustrating--when experiencing infertility---to have well-meaning people comment that you should "just adopt" and make it sound like it's opting to shop at Safeway as opposed to Giant. Adoption carries with it a whole host of issues that some people--although desiring to parent---do not necessarily want to take on.

Why can't you just accept the fact that maybe there's a very good reason why you are infertile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. As long as I would have ended up with a roof and a childcare plan we could have managed so that my child was safe and well cared for, I would have sacrificed anything else to have children, and their biological connection to me didn't matter. I wanted to be a mom.

Adoption of a healthy newborn is expensive, and also has the potential to be a heartbreaking road. By the time someone realizes that IVF isn't working, they have already sunk a lot of money into it. It's not like they can get the first 100K back, and adoption can cost the other 100K.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

It's not just about providing a wonderful life. It's about ethics and how the adoption was done. Were the birthparents given enough services and support during the reunification process, for example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

You had a good, ethical adoption, but not all are. My child's sibling had a very unethical adoption. It was a horrific situation that never should have been allowed.