Second marriage finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First marriage for me, second for DH. One child from his first marriage who is now 21, our kids are all still under 10.

DH brought more assets to the marriage than I did. I earned slightly more when we met, although he now out-earns me significantly.

We mingle all funds, everything is joint. Our joint assets are now much, much larger now than what he brought to the marriage. We have been married almost 15 years.

The hardest part is creating the will and trying to be fair. My DSC’s mother has a high income and they will likely inherit all her assets (no other kids). We are also high income, and in a perfect world we would like to try to take into account what DSC would inherit from their mother when we allocate percentages for all the kids in our will. (Because we have multiple kids, even though we have a significant estate, divided evenly each individual portion will likely - again, just guessing based on child support paperwork that is now many years old - be less than what DSC will inherit from their mother.) We are also trying to balance the fact that our kids are still young and need resources in different way than DSC does just because of their ages.

In the real world, these factors mean we are leaving DSC a smaller percentage of our assets compared to our other kids. I worry a lot that he will take it to mean we love him less, or ascribe some other negative meaning. As the kids all reach adulthood, we are open to trying to even out the percentages, so maybe it won’t be an issue in the end.

"We"

[Anonymous]

Not married, partner. His kids get whatever he has, my DS gets everything I have including the house which is in my name and I had prior to relationship. No co-mingling of finances. Partner has multiple trust funds plus he works. I have no desire to take his money if he predeceases me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

Except if you divorce, it won’t matter if you kept separate accounts. Wealth accrued during the marriage is marital property. Hope you have a signed prenup that says otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

Except if you divorce, it won’t matter if you kept separate accounts. Wealth accrued during the marriage is marital property. Hope you have a signed prenup that says otherwise.

This is a lie that stayed at her mom’s tell themselves. It’s not true. It’s also a huge surprise to them when their lawyer explains this to them during the divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

This is what my Dad did. They married in their late 60s, both were widowed with grown kids, and each had plenty of money they didn’t want fighting over. It mostly worked until my Dad got a brain tumor and started tinkering with that plan a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.

You are not leaving any assets to your kids? Just life insurance? And maybe not that, post college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.

What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.

Seems sad that your life can never be larger than what you do by yourself. What's the point of partnership when it's not a real partner.

Finances are just one part of a marriage. Also the cause of lots of stress. Many might have a better partnership without worrying about shared finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

Except if you divorce, it won’t matter if you kept separate accounts. Wealth accrued during the marriage is marital property. Hope you have a signed prenup that says otherwise.

This is a lie that stayed at her mom’s tell themselves. It’s not true. It’s also a huge surprise to them when their lawyer explains this to them during the divorce proceedings.

Not a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.

What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.

Seems sad that your life can never be larger than what you do by yourself. What's the point of partnership when it's not a real partner.

Finances are just one part of a marriage. Also the cause of lots of stress. Many might have a better partnership without worrying about shared finances.

Exactly and if you’re not worried about money then why add hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

The PP woman is likely no worth/makes much on her own . Easy to merge when you brought very little to the table. Of course if most money comes from the husband during marriage he should inherit it

She would have spoken differently if she was high NW. I’m high NW business owner female (over $5m) il wont remarry

.

I have $1.5M in my retirement accounts and our home is worth $2M. DH makes slightly more than me, but we pay for everything, include all the kid expenses, from joint accounts.

I’m sorry money is more important to you than having a life partner to share your life with. Your priorities are shifted due to your poor prior relationships.

Maybe it was mostly him who contributed to the house , then it makes sense.

It sounds though that money is what’s important for your husband- would he leave you if the will is changed in kids favor ? . He should already have accumulated most of his assets by mid age and be okay without your premarital savings. A life insurance is usually for second spouse. You have something going on against your kids. I haven’t met any woman in my life with such attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.

What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.

Seems sad that your life can never be larger than what you do by yourself. What's the point of partnership when it's not a real partner.

Finances are just one part of a marriage. Also the cause of lots of stress. Many might have a better partnership without worrying about shared finances.

Exactly and if you’re not worried about money then why add hassle.

Agree. Plus, some adult kids (or even grandkids) may want or need financial help well into their adulthood. A couple may not agree on that issue and IMO it is often the cause of second marriage failures.

Larlo's 35-year-old daughter wants money every month to pay for her rent on a deluxe apartment rather than find one she can afford. Larla's 30-year-old son enjoys expensive sports cars and she wants to buy him a brand new one for his birthday. A parent may want to provide a very healthy check as a wedding gift or a down-payment on a house. Or an adult child goes through a divorce and needs money for an attorney and relocation expenses.

Many scenarios where a parent may want to support their own adult child. Nothing at all wrong with that - as long as it's their own money, not money contributed by the spouse who has zero responsibility or (often) no relationship with those adult kids.

The problem in the marriage comes when "joint" funds are drawn down, often against the agreement/input of the other spouse. Many scenarios where a parent may want to provide money to an adult kid and the spouse may not agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not married, partner. His kids get whatever he has, my DS gets everything I have including the house which is in my name and I had prior to relationship. No co-mingling of finances. Partner has multiple trust funds plus he works. I have no desire to take his money if he predeceases me.

Well, yeah … because you are not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

Except if you divorce, it won’t matter if you kept separate accounts. Wealth accrued during the marriage is marital property. Hope you have a signed prenup that says otherwise.

This is a lie that stayed at her mom’s tell themselves. It’s not true. It’s also a huge surprise to them when their lawyer explains this to them during the divorce proceedings.

Not a lie.

Enjoy the delusion while it lasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

Except if you divorce, it won’t matter if you kept separate accounts. Wealth accrued during the marriage is marital property. Hope you have a signed prenup that says otherwise.

This is a lie that stayed at her mom’s tell themselves. It’s not true. It’s also a huge surprise to them when their lawyer explains this to them during the divorce proceedings.

Not a lie.

Enjoy the delusion while it lasts.

A friend of mine is getting divorced now. No prenup. Her STBX will get 7% of the value growth in her premarital assets - two homes and a pension. All for 2 years if marriage. State VA.

[Anonymous]

It’s usually 50/50 marital unless there is something unusual. The premarital split is surprising if true and for only 2 years? How to protect that?