Second marriage finances

[Anonymous]

In our 50s with 2 children each from prior marriages. Won’t cohabit or marry until last goes to college. Bio parents are responsible for college tuitions for their own children. If/when we marry, we will draw a legal prenup line under premarital assets and that will all go to our respective children as if we had not married. Everything after/above that dateline will be joint and split evenly among our kids after our deaths.

[Anonymous]

^oh, and whatever is earned after that dateline will be left to surviving spouse. Or 50/50 split between spouse and dead person’s children. Postmarital appreciation on dead person’s premarital assets will go 100% to dead person’s children.

[Anonymous]

I am not going to remarry for the sake of my own kids. I plan to leave everything to them. If I remarry then my wife will naturally be entitled to some of my assets. It will be ungrateful of me if I don't leave her any. For this reason I will never remarry.

By the way I am seeing more and more women remarrying. It used to be mostly men but it seems like women are also tying the knot a second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^oh, and whatever is earned after that dateline will be left to surviving spouse. Or 50/50 split between spouse and dead person’s children. Postmarital appreciation on dead person’s premarital assets will go 100% to dead person’s children.

This sounds reasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not going to remarry for the sake of my own kids. I plan to leave everything to them. If I remarry then my wife will naturally be entitled to some of my assets. It will be ungrateful of me if I don't leave her any. For this reason I will never remarry.

By the way I am seeing more and more women remarrying. It used to be mostly men but it seems like women are also tying the knot a second time.

It's wise to simply not remarry. Even if you get a prenup and a trust that clearly identifies the beneficiaries, there is still a possibility that the second spouse could have a claim to your assets, depending on the state. Laws change too often to keep up, so it is best not to legitimize the next relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not going to remarry for the sake of my own kids. I plan to leave everything to them. If I remarry then my wife will naturally be entitled to some of my assets. It will be ungrateful of me if I don't leave her any. For this reason I will never remarry.

By the way I am seeing more and more women remarrying. It used to be mostly men but it seems like women are also tying the knot a second time.

I guess you are one of those rare men who are independent and don't need a nurse around as they age. Good for you. A lot of men probably remarry not because they want to buy because they are so dependent on a woman taking care of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids from first. Everything joint.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

Wait, so your DH is your kid's stepdad?

[Anonymous]

Dh's second marriage, my first. No kids from prior marriage. We are both lawyers and met when I was 32 and he was 45 so we both had our own established accounts for everything and have never bothered with a joint account or anything. Even with separate accounts we treat everything as basically one big pot of money that both of us are equally entitled to. I die, he gets everything, he dies, I get everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.

What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.

Well part of my dream for a family is building a joint lifestyle and legacy, which is pretty much impossible in this situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.

What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.

What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.

Well part of my dream for a family is building a joint lifestyle and legacy, which is pretty much impossible in this situation.

Translation: A man is the plan, i need his money and I don't want it to go to his kids.

More like: a man is work and I don’t work for free.

I respect prostitution as a profession if it’s your choice. Stay safe

Men don’t value what they don’t pay for. I’m not talking about sex. If a man won’t share his money with you he doesn’t love you.

Accurate ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First marriage for me, second for DH. One child from his first marriage who is now 21, our kids are all still under 10.

DH brought more assets to the marriage than I did. I earned slightly more when we met, although he now out-earns me significantly.

We mingle all funds, everything is joint. Our joint assets are now much, much larger now than what he brought to the marriage. We have been married almost 15 years.

The hardest part is creating the will and trying to be fair. My DSC’s mother has a high income and they will likely inherit all her assets (no other kids). We are also high income, and in a perfect world we would like to try to take into account what DSC would inherit from their mother when we allocate percentages for all the kids in our will. (Because we have multiple kids, even though we have a significant estate, divided evenly each individual portion will likely - again, just guessing based on child support paperwork that is now many years old - be less than what DSC will inherit from their mother.) We are also trying to balance the fact that our kids are still young and need resources in different way than DSC does just because of their ages.

In the real world, these factors mean we are leaving DSC a smaller percentage of our assets compared to our other kids. I worry a lot that he will take it to mean we love him less, or ascribe some other negative meaning. As the kids all reach adulthood, we are open to trying to even out the percentages, so maybe it won’t be an issue in the end.

Yeah ... this is absolutely horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.

This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.

No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.

The bio dad would have incentive to leave them to his bio kids. Your DH does not.

Yeah if you die tomorrow and your kids move out and your DH lives another 30 years, do you think your kids will get anything when he dies? if you want them to get more than your life insurance, you have to leave it to them. Also are your parents healthy enough to be the trustees? Who is the trustee if something happens to them? Is it your DH?

+100. The pp's thinking is rather shortsighted. Given that parents generally predecease their children, having the parents as the trustees makes little sense. The pp's line of innocent thinking will inadvertently disinherit her kids.

My dad passed earlier this year, and within 24 hours, his greedy wife was inquiring about the will, benefits, insurance, etc. He was 80 when he passed and had only been married to his wife for three years (foolish idea to marry so late). They never lived together, and none of their accounts comingled. Yet, she still somehow felt entitled. He left his entire estate to my two brothers and me.

I mean ... she was his wife. Normally that means you are more than "entitled." This is why this remarriage-when-you-already-have-kids thing is just a recipe for disaster.