Second marriage finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

The PP woman is likely no worth/makes much on her own . Easy to merge when you brought very little to the table. Of course if most money comes from the husband during marriage he should inherit it

She would have spoken differently if she was high NW. I’m high NW business owner female (over $5m) il wont remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

Good for him. And that's the right attitude. If you are going to date a single mom you MUST treat her kids as her own because of you don't she will dump you. A woman is not going to abandon her kids for a man no way.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

So you are a gold digger : happily shifted the financial burden for your kids on a man. And will dump him if he doesn’t treat them as his own.

Men should take a note of what’s expected of them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure there’s one best way to do this - I think it really depends on what people are coming in with, if there are kids, how much income both are making, if properties are owned prior to 2nd marriage and so on.

Before remarrying I did a lot of research and spoke to an attorney as well as my future partner to figure out what would make sense.

Our situation: previous kids, both owned a home and had preexisting financial investments and HYSA and both worked.

We sold our homes, bout a new one. We combined a joint checking account to pay bills and mortgage. Left all other accounts separate and have all of that stipulated in an agreement that states what we came in with we will leave with. Everything post our legal marriage is spilt 50/50.

This was true with my father too, both with previous kids. But the home is worth $15-20MM, he died, and his widow will leave this house to her two kids, not to his.

Yep. This is how it goes. Remarriage is ugly. It’s playing at being a family with people who will never have your children’s interests front and center. In fact they have the motivation to push their interests away.

+100. Np, why is this so hard for people to grasp? I will never understand being blinded by love. There is no scenario where I would ever be under the impression that a spouse in a second marriage would have my kids's best interest. It's not their job to have your kids' best interest. It's the bio parents' job-- period. If you fail to protect your kids' inheritance due to being in love with an outsider, you've failed as a parent. Count yourself as lucky if you marry a second spouse who is decent enough to care.

My grandfather who was very wealthy remarried. Guess who got all of his money eventually after he died. Yep- his stepkids. My dad and his siblings got nothing, the estate passed to stepmom and ultimately to her kids. I’m on my first marriage and have kids but all of my money goes in trust to my kids. (We signed prenups and both have enough to support ourselves fine). Your spouse can remarry and you won’t be able to control it.

So very common. And everyone who remarries thinks it won't happen. Or they just don't think about it at all.

My mother changed her will (trust, actually) in favor of my step father and step brother when my sibling and I voted for Obama. (She was totally racist, and step bro agreed with her.) This kind of thing doesn't happen (or is less likely to happen, anyway) in an intact family. Or when there is not step family there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

The PP woman is likely no worth/makes much on her own . Easy to merge when you brought very little to the table. Of course if most money comes from the husband during marriage he should inherit it

She would have spoken differently if she was high NW. I’m high NW business owner female (over $5m) il wont remarry

I know of a woman who had almost nothing when she remarried, and the new DH was a professional with an UMC income. (It's pretty much why she married him.) But then in late middle age she inherited. She inherited a LOT of money. That her parents did not want going to this DH and his kids. Guess what -- it did. She died. The new DH (who, for the record, treated this DW's kids, his stepkids, like dirt) inherited it all from her. And when he died a couple of years later -- it all went to his kids. So the the grandchildren of the DW's mother, who left her the money, got nothing.

This is remarriage, folks. Even when it appears the DW brings nothing and the DH has money -- this can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

Good for him. And that's the right attitude. If you are going to date a single mom you MUST treat her kids as her own because of you don't she will dump you. A woman is not going to abandon her kids for a man no way.

Lol. You don't know my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

So you are a gold digger : happily shifted the financial burden for your kids on a man. And will dump him if he doesn’t treat them as his own.

Men should take a note of what’s expected of them

Funny the second wives are the gold diggers and you are not. You are supported by two men. You are the gold diggers. Support your own kids.

Why should a wife of your ex support you and your kids? It’s between you and your ex not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

So you are a gold digger : happily shifted the financial burden for your kids on a man. And will dump him if he doesn’t treat them as his own.

Men should take a note of what’s expected of them

Funny the second wives are the gold diggers and you are not. You are supported by two men. You are the gold diggers. Support your own kids.

Why should a wife of your ex support you and your kids? It’s between you and your ex not her.

Not sure who you are referring to. I’m not supported by any men. But it sounds like you are supported by two men: your partner and your kids father. Why should your partner support your kids? It’s between their dad and you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

Probably because women's second husbands will provide for the kids, whereas men's second wives are golddiggers, younger and have more kids.

My current partner is paying rent with me and supporting my kids from my first marriage. We aren't married yet but he completely treats my kids as his own.

So you are a gold digger : happily shifted the financial burden for your kids on a man. And will dump him if he doesn’t treat them as his own.

Men should take a note of what’s expected of them

Funny the second wives are the gold diggers and you are not. You are supported by two men. You are the gold diggers. Support your own kids.

Why should a wife of your ex support you and your kids? It’s between you and your ex not her.

And in fact, if your partner pays your rent, this should be imputed to you as income and CS paid by kids dad reduced. Housing costs are part of CS formula by law.

It’s amazing how younger women with kids LOVE to hook themselves to a higher earning divorced man without kids/less kids/older kids .

You even have zero regrets about dumping your partner if he stops financial flow .

Disgusting !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure there’s one best way to do this - I think it really depends on what people are coming in with, if there are kids, how much income both are making, if properties are owned prior to 2nd marriage and so on.

Before remarrying I did a lot of research and spoke to an attorney as well as my future partner to figure out what would make sense.

Our situation: previous kids, both owned a home and had preexisting financial investments and HYSA and both worked.

We sold our homes, bout a new one. We combined a joint checking account to pay bills and mortgage. Left all other accounts separate and have all of that stipulated in an agreement that states what we came in with we will leave with. Everything post our legal marriage is spilt 50/50.

This was true with my father too, both with previous kids. But the home is worth $15-20MM, he died, and his widow will leave this house to her two kids, not to his.

This is why we have legal documentation saying what happens if one of us dies and how the house/other money is put into a trust if kids are under 18 or given to them if older.


The conversations are not fun but it’s important to think about how to protect yourself and your kids - it can be done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.

Your poor children.

You need to set up trusts for the kids. If you die before husband 2 your kids won’t inherit anything and husband 2 might remarry and all your money goes to new wife and maybe her kids!

I never understand why people remarry. What is the point?

My husbands grandmother remarried but she married up. Her second husband (first died) wanted to leave her everything and he was rich. She convinced him not to but in his estate planning she was meant to be taken care off and all bills paid by his estate until she died. His family ended up suing which was ridiculous! If she was like so many others they would have received nothing! Her second husband wanted it that way!

Don’t remarry and if you do speak to a lawyer and make sure your estate passes to your children. Second spouse 2 should be able to find themselves and if they can’t take out one life insurance for them as a beneficiary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

I don't understand why your DH would need everything and why you think your kids won't need anything but college. What about weddings/grad school/unexpected health expenses that if you were married to bio dad you would probably help with? If you were married to bio dad any assets would immediately or eventually flow to them, and you are taking that out of the equation. Don't be surprised if your kids end up resenting your DH.

The kids are getting the life insurance. That would be enough to help with a wedding. I don’t plan on paying for grad school. My kids love DH. He is very generous and they wouldn’t have the standard of living they have without his income. They also have a bio father to assist. Why should adult children receive a windfall when my DH may need to money for his elder care?

I haven’t discussed it with DH, but I think he’d leave them whatever he has left. He doesn’t have anyone else to pass wealth. I guess he could remarry, but he wouldn’t stop loving our kids. He’s raising them.

You are not looking too far ahead. It doesn’t matter if he loves them now. What matters is who he ends up with, if you die tomorrow. My exH is dating a 20-years younger woman who has her own kids. He is also moody and already forgetful losing stuff around the house. Also drinks. If he’s not in a good mental state in his last few years - whoever is by his bedside at that time might inherit everything.
Do you think a younger wife or her kids deserve your hard earned money over your kids ?

Repeating my question to this PP whose husband would inherit. How do you feel someone totally unrelated to you inheriting the family house over your kids, when husband dies ?

Yes. I would be ok with it. DH, my kids’ stepdad, provides a considerable amount of support to the kids now. And the money we have is also his money. Since we have it all together, it’s not his and mine. We don’t keep anything separate. Just the life insurance for the kids.

I think women are better than men at merging finances and kids when they remarry. I think remarriage post divorce should be left to women. Men should stay clear of remarrying.

The PP woman is likely no worth/makes much on her own . Easy to merge when you brought very little to the table. Of course if most money comes from the husband during marriage he should inherit it

She would have spoken differently if she was high NW. I’m high NW business owner female (over $5m) il wont remarry

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I have $1.5M in my retirement accounts and our home is worth $2M. DH makes slightly more than me, but we pay for everything, include all the kid expenses, from joint accounts.

I’m sorry money is more important to you than having a life partner to share your life with. Your priorities are shifted due to your poor prior relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First marriage for me, second for DH. One child from his first marriage who is now 21, our kids are all still under 10.

DH brought more assets to the marriage than I did. I earned slightly more when we met, although he now out-earns me significantly.

We mingle all funds, everything is joint. Our joint assets are now much, much larger now than what he brought to the marriage. We have been married almost 15 years.

The hardest part is creating the will and trying to be fair. My DSC’s mother has a high income and they will likely inherit all her assets (no other kids). We are also high income, and in a perfect world we would like to try to take into account what DSC would inherit from their mother when we allocate percentages for all the kids in our will. (Because we have multiple kids, even though we have a significant estate, divided evenly each individual portion will likely - again, just guessing based on child support paperwork that is now many years old - be less than what DSC will inherit from their mother.) We are also trying to balance the fact that our kids are still young and need resources in different way than DSC does just because of their ages.

In the real world, these factors mean we are leaving DSC a smaller percentage of our assets compared to our other kids. I worry a lot that he will take it to mean we love him less, or ascribe some other negative meaning. As the kids all reach adulthood, we are open to trying to even out the percentages, so maybe it won’t be an issue in the end.

My family did this to me and a sibling but a but different. We don’t talk to that side anymore because how the estate was handled.

My dad died when I was very young. His parents didn’t have much so couldn’t help our single mom financially. They had two Other sons, so three in all. From a time I was a child I was told each of their children would get a third so my sister and I would split a third of their estate when they passed away.

This grandfather eventually inherited millions and an expensive beach home from his only sibling.

We all went to the lawyer and were told when he and my grandmother passed the estate would be split evenly between each of their 3 children so my two alive uncles got a third and my sister and I split the third my dad would have got. It was even and that’s how my grandparents told us all they wanted it.

My grandmother passed earlier and on her deathbed she told me my uncles would try and convince my grandfather to change it because my mom’s side had more money.

So needless to say my uncles convinced my grandfather (while he had dementia so no not legal) to change everything. I still got something but it wasn’t close to what was promised my entire life.

Once my grandparents became millionaires my uncles convinced my grandfather that because my sibling and I might inherit $$$ from our mom’s side that we didn’t need that side.

My sibling and I no longer talk to those uncles or their families. It isn’t worth it to me. So just know if your step child realizes they get less than your bio child it might create a rift in future. Is that what you want? I would not put what your step child might inherit into the equation. Their other parent might not make as much spend too much have insane bills later on or leave their entire estate to charity.

[Anonymous]

Blended families are such a nightmare. Get married right the first time and make sure of it before you have kids. If you mess up, get out but don’t go dragging your kids into a new marriage and “family”.