When does mean girl behavior start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It starts early. For both of my kids, it started in K. My DD is now in 1st and it's relentless. I don't have a problem with someone saying "I don't want to play with you" because we've taught our kids not to take it personally. Sometimes kids simply won't want to play with you, so find something else to do (shout out to Daniel Tiger for the catchy little song on this topic). But there is a lot of really mean language, exclusion, "clubs" where the leader dictates who gets to join, gossiping about classmates, Queen Bee stuff happening. I know young kids are still learning how to engage with others, and some are picking it up from older siblings/cousins/neighbors, but I also blame the parents. Something has changed with parenting and/or society where this type of behavior isn't being quashed in kids at home. I do not remember it being this bad this early when I was growing up.

My friend’s daughter had a “I hate Larla” club named after her. A girl in her class started a club with other girls. I think this was in second grade.

My other friend’s niece was a mean girl. My friend thinks she learned this mean girl behavior from television. I think she would say and mimic what she saw on tv.

My boys say things they learn from tv/YouTube. I know there is a lot of trash talking during sports. Wonder if it is the same thing. My boys don’t seem to take it that personally. We did switch from one sports club to another because my son didn’t enjoy going anymore because the boys would trash talk so much that it would upset my son. He is playing elsewhere and much happier. My other son used to play travel soccer and the kids and parents were terrrivle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It starts early. For both of my kids, it started in K. My DD is now in 1st and it's relentless. I don't have a problem with someone saying "I don't want to play with you" because we've taught our kids not to take it personally. Sometimes kids simply won't want to play with you, so find something else to do (shout out to Daniel Tiger for the catchy little song on this topic). But there is a lot of really mean language, exclusion, "clubs" where the leader dictates who gets to join, gossiping about classmates, Queen Bee stuff happening. I know young kids are still learning how to engage with others, and some are picking it up from older siblings/cousins/neighbors, but I also blame the parents. Something has changed with parenting and/or society where this type of behavior isn't being quashed in kids at home. I do not remember it being this bad this early when I was growing up.

My friend’s daughter had a “I hate Larla” club named after her. A girl in her class started a club with other girls. I think this was in second grade.

My other friend’s niece was a mean girl. My friend thinks she learned this mean girl behavior from television. I think she would say and mimic what she saw on tv.

My boys say things they learn from tv/YouTube. I know there is a lot of trash talking during sports. Wonder if it is the same thing. My boys don’t seem to take it that personally. We did switch from one sports club to another because my son didn’t enjoy going anymore because the boys would trash talk so much that it would upset my son. He is playing elsewhere and much happier. My other son used to play travel soccer and the kids and parents were terrrivle.

This is a great point -- there is a lot of trash talk in sports amongst the boys at my son's private. The coaches and PE teachers have tried to have a no tolerance policy, and some of the boys do it by whispering now. My son says the "mean boys" (progress!) will whisper "you're slow" or "you suck" to the boys they are targeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It starts early. For both of my kids, it started in K. My DD is now in 1st and it's relentless. I don't have a problem with someone saying "I don't want to play with you" because we've taught our kids not to take it personally. Sometimes kids simply won't want to play with you, so find something else to do (shout out to Daniel Tiger for the catchy little song on this topic). But there is a lot of really mean language, exclusion, "clubs" where the leader dictates who gets to join, gossiping about classmates, Queen Bee stuff happening. I know young kids are still learning how to engage with others, and some are picking it up from older siblings/cousins/neighbors, but I also blame the parents. Something has changed with parenting and/or society where this type of behavior isn't being quashed in kids at home. I do not remember it being this bad this early when I was growing up.

My friend’s daughter had a “I hate Larla” club named after her. A girl in her class started a club with other girls. I think this was in second grade.

My other friend’s niece was a mean girl. My friend thinks she learned this mean girl behavior from television. I think she would say and mimic what she saw on tv.

My boys say things they learn from tv/YouTube. I know there is a lot of trash talking during sports. Wonder if it is the same thing. My boys don’t seem to take it that personally. We did switch from one sports club to another because my son didn’t enjoy going anymore because the boys would trash talk so much that it would upset my son. He is playing elsewhere and much happier. My other son used to play travel soccer and the kids and parents were terrrivle.

This is a great point -- there is a lot of trash talk in sports amongst the boys at my son's private. The coaches and PE teachers have tried to have a no tolerance policy, and some of the boys do it by whispering now. My son says the "mean boys" (progress!) will whisper "you're slow" or "you suck" to the boys they are targeting.

Wait, you mean it’s NOT just girls who use relational aggression?!

Also, please support your son in telling the coaches and teachers about the whispering. If one of the kids I coached did that, they’d be off the team. What vile behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It starts early. For both of my kids, it started in K. My DD is now in 1st and it's relentless. I don't have a problem with someone saying "I don't want to play with you" because we've taught our kids not to take it personally. Sometimes kids simply won't want to play with you, so find something else to do (shout out to Daniel Tiger for the catchy little song on this topic). But there is a lot of really mean language, exclusion, "clubs" where the leader dictates who gets to join, gossiping about classmates, Queen Bee stuff happening. I know young kids are still learning how to engage with others, and some are picking it up from older siblings/cousins/neighbors, but I also blame the parents. Something has changed with parenting and/or society where this type of behavior isn't being quashed in kids at home. I do not remember it being this bad this early when I was growing up.

My friend’s daughter had a “I hate Larla” club named after her. A girl in her class started a club with other girls. I think this was in second grade.

My other friend’s niece was a mean girl. My friend thinks she learned this mean girl behavior from television. I think she would say and mimic what she saw on tv.

My boys say things they learn from tv/YouTube. I know there is a lot of trash talking during sports. Wonder if it is the same thing. My boys don’t seem to take it that personally. We did switch from one sports club to another because my son didn’t enjoy going anymore because the boys would trash talk so much that it would upset my son. He is playing elsewhere and much happier. My other son used to play travel soccer and the kids and parents were terrrivle.

This is a great point -- there is a lot of trash talk in sports amongst the boys at my son's private. The coaches and PE teachers have tried to have a no tolerance policy, and some of the boys do it by whispering now. My son says the "mean boys" (progress!) will whisper "you're slow" or "you suck" to the boys they are targeting.

Wait, you mean it’s NOT just girls who use relational aggression?!

Also, please support your son in telling the coaches and teachers about the whispering. If one of the kids I coached did that, they’d be off the team. What vile behavior.

I did. He didn't want to name names, so we agreed that I could mention it in our parent-teacher conference on a no-name basis so teachers could be on the lookout. Believe me, it's infuriating because these boys are savvy enough to act openly magnanimous and sportsmanlike when the teachers are watching/in earshot.