Movie blow up - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

This is a weird thread. OP sounds a bit neurodivergent too. It would be annoying to have someone interrupting the movie and asking a bunch of questions. Your DH must know that you have one family member that will need subtitles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a weird thread. OP sounds a bit neurodivergent too. It would be annoying to have someone interrupting the movie and asking a bunch of questions. Your DH must know that you have one family member that will need subtitles.

OP wasn’t the one pausing the movie, so I have no idea idea why you think that makes her neuro-divergent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My DH is very smart - off the charts IQ. Oldest is twice exceptional, very high IQ, even higher SATs than dad but slow processing. Younger is very bright, honors/AP student but a chatterbox. This is less about IQ and more about control.

DH is one to say "everything would be better if people would just listen to me!" And "I'm right, and if other people did it my way, they'd see that." He can be very rigid and is not one to want to compromise.

He does not connect well with the kids - he can be very judgy. Told older child this morning, who is on antidepressants, that drugs are a crutch and that she needs to learn to do without them. He eschews therapy. And yet he is very depressed, feels he does not connect with people - anywhere. He often complains that he is easily bored and finds socializing a chore - even with his own extended family. He complains about lack of connection but has very high expectations and is constantly disappointed with others - and himself. 😞

Yeah this is NOT about the movie y'all tried to watch this weekend.

Your husband sounds cold, judgmental, and humorless. It sounds like he never really learned how to participate in typical social things. Has he always been like this with the kids? What is he like with you? Has he always been like this?

It is NOT typical to insist on subtitles (with normal hearing) or to disrupt the movie by pausing or talking over it. In fact that is very rude.

I loathe having subtitles on unless I want them for some reason (like I have to keep the volume very low), but everyone here is ignoring the fact OP says one of their kids has a processing issue where reading dialogue is necessary to fully getting what's going on. I wish people would stop focusing on these kinds of details like subtitles and actually see that the issue is not the movie, the subtitles or the stopping or the questions (any of which can be very irritating). The real, larger issue is buried in the post. OP's DH has depression and doesn't want to deal with his depression. Of course he's set off by things that otherwise would be a pain. And he turned it into a big, immature hissy fit.

the “slow processing, high IQ” thing is almost always a fake to get extended testing time. It’s not an actual learning disability.

Not true. This is true for many neurodivergent people. My ASD DD (19) uses subtitles this in for exactly this reason. Stop judging people because you don’t understand their disabilities.

[Anonymous]

A - nothing wrong with subtitles. Sometimes it is hard to hear dialogue over other sounds in the movie, or the dialogue is super fast

B - were the kids on their cell phones during the movie, and that is why they were not able to follow along?

C - for future college breaks, spend part of the time on a mother-daughters trip, to get away from DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and the kids are super high maintenance. Just watch the movie - like you are in a theatre.. No barking stupid questions. Just watch the movie.

Super. Are you 12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It is hard for us to find movies we all like. Kids have watched Marvel movies and comedies with DH with no problem. Older kid does have some special needs - (And for PP who insisted that slow processing speed is a scam - my kid has had two rounds of educational evaluations in HS - but did NOT use testing accommodations. She has more issues with auditory learning and was allowed a tape recorder to help with notes - she does not process auditorially as fast as other kids, esp in lectures. She is a fine test taker and reader.) She can watch a movie without subtitles, but for very talky films, subtitles do help.

In this situation, older kid would have appreciated having subtitles on but acquiesced to Dad's wishes. Kids find it hard to connect with Dad. For example, Dad wanted to share with them an old series he loved as a boy with them. Older DD watched it with him though it was not really her cup of tea. Dad was very bitter when younger DD bowed out of series after watching over 20 episodes. This show had almost 50 episodes and DH was very disappointed younger DD did not sit through the entire series with him. He takes that very personally.

We do not watch a lot of movies together as a family because he has different tastes - action and comedies only. If I want to see something outside that, I go alone as he is not interested. The kids do not typically pause movies to ask questions. Not sure why the younger one did with this one today, other than perhaps tiredness keeping her from following along attentively.

But both girls get frustrated with their dad's "my way or the highway" mode. They often do not like playing games with him as he is very competitive and often wants to take over when in the past we have done things like escape rooms.

He's a very black / white sort of person with not a lot of gray. For example, he cannot easily visit with his mom because they are very different politically, and he cannot just have a civil debate with her, he feels the need to win the argument and gets upset when he cannot convince her of where she is "wrong" - where I can mostly just go the "agree to disagree" or step away from it route.

I want DH to have a better relationship with our kids, because they love him but feel that his rigidity in always having to be "right" / do it his way, makes him hard to deal with.

Seems like there are many accommodations made for the children but little for DH. Why can’t the child finish the series because it would mean a lot to the dad? Why can’t grown adults hold their questions until the end of the movie to see if they actually watch it those questions would get answered instead of interrupting the movie every few minutes. You and your kids make doing things together really frustrating and want DH to do it your way all the time and if he wants to watch a move without all the drama, you call him an ahole.

This is so f'd up it is hard to believe an adult wrote this. Dh has serious issues and I feel sorry for the children in this home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It is hard for us to find movies we all like. Kids have watched Marvel movies and comedies with DH with no problem. Older kid does have some special needs - (And for PP who insisted that slow processing speed is a scam - my kid has had two rounds of educational evaluations in HS - but did NOT use testing accommodations. She has more issues with auditory learning and was allowed a tape recorder to help with notes - she does not process auditorially as fast as other kids, esp in lectures. She is a fine test taker and reader.) She can watch a movie without subtitles, but for very talky films, subtitles do help.

In this situation, older kid would have appreciated having subtitles on but acquiesced to Dad's wishes. Kids find it hard to connect with Dad. For example, Dad wanted to share with them an old series he loved as a boy with them. Older DD watched it with him though it was not really her cup of tea. Dad was very bitter when younger DD bowed out of series after watching over 20 episodes. This show had almost 50 episodes and DH was very disappointed younger DD did not sit through the entire series with him. He takes that very personally.

We do not watch a lot of movies together as a family because he has different tastes - action and comedies only. If I want to see something outside that, I go alone as he is not interested. The kids do not typically pause movies to ask questions. Not sure why the younger one did with this one today, other than perhaps tiredness keeping her from following along attentively.

But both girls get frustrated with their dad's "my way or the highway" mode. They often do not like playing games with him as he is very competitive and often wants to take over when in the past we have done things like escape rooms.

He's a very black / white sort of person with not a lot of gray. For example, he cannot easily visit with his mom because they are very different politically, and he cannot just have a civil debate with her, he feels the need to win the argument and gets upset when he cannot convince her of where she is "wrong" - where I can mostly just go the "agree to disagree" or step away from it route.

I want DH to have a better relationship with our kids, because they love him but feel that his rigidity in always having to be "right" / do it his way, makes him hard to deal with.

Seems like there are many accommodations made for the children but little for DH. Why can’t the child finish the series because it would mean a lot to the dad? Why can’t grown adults hold their questions until the end of the movie to see if they actually watch it those questions would get answered instead of interrupting the movie every few minutes. You and your kids make doing things together really frustrating and want DH to do it your way all the time and if he wants to watch a move without all the drama, you call him an ahole.

This is so f'd up it is hard to believe an adult wrote this. Dh has serious issues and I feel sorry for the children in this home.

What children? The adults who can't watch a movie quietly and save their questions until the end? No wonder dad got fed up and left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It is hard for us to find movies we all like. Kids have watched Marvel movies and comedies with DH with no problem. Older kid does have some special needs - (And for PP who insisted that slow processing speed is a scam - my kid has had two rounds of educational evaluations in HS - but did NOT use testing accommodations. She has more issues with auditory learning and was allowed a tape recorder to help with notes - she does not process auditorially as fast as other kids, esp in lectures. She is a fine test taker and reader.) She can watch a movie without subtitles, but for very talky films, subtitles do help.

In this situation, older kid would have appreciated having subtitles on but acquiesced to Dad's wishes. Kids find it hard to connect with Dad. For example, Dad wanted to share with them an old series he loved as a boy with them. Older DD watched it with him though it was not really her cup of tea. Dad was very bitter when younger DD bowed out of series after watching over 20 episodes. This show had almost 50 episodes and DH was very disappointed younger DD did not sit through the entire series with him. He takes that very personally.

We do not watch a lot of movies together as a family because he has different tastes - action and comedies only. If I want to see something outside that, I go alone as he is not interested. The kids do not typically pause movies to ask questions. Not sure why the younger one did with this one today, other than perhaps tiredness keeping her from following along attentively.

But both girls get frustrated with their dad's "my way or the highway" mode. They often do not like playing games with him as he is very competitive and often wants to take over when in the past we have done things like escape rooms.

He's a very black / white sort of person with not a lot of gray. For example, he cannot easily visit with his mom because they are very different politically, and he cannot just have a civil debate with her, he feels the need to win the argument and gets upset when he cannot convince her of where she is "wrong" - where I can mostly just go the "agree to disagree" or step away from it route.

I want DH to have a better relationship with our kids, because they love him but feel that his rigidity in always having to be "right" / do it his way, makes him hard to deal with.

Seems like there are many accommodations made for the children but little for DH. Why can’t the child finish the series because it would mean a lot to the dad? Why can’t grown adults hold their questions until the end of the movie to see if they actually watch it those questions would get answered instead of interrupting the movie every few minutes. You and your kids make doing things together really frustrating and want DH to do it your way all the time and if he wants to watch a move without all the drama, you call him an ahole.

This is so f'd up it is hard to believe an adult wrote this. Dh has serious issues and I feel sorry for the children in this home.

What children? The adults who can't watch a movie quietly and save their questions until the end? No wonder dad got fed up and left.

Agree. Good lord, OP, teach your kids/adults some patience. Save all questions for the end. No one will get it if they keep asking questions. Even slow people should be able to catch up if they would stop talking long enough to follow the dialogue. That said, I have a BIL who's similar to your husband, but will start by turning the volume up to full blast before storming off. There has to be a compromise somewhere in the middle--both extremes are annoying and insufferable.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has anger management and impulsivity issues which stem from his ADHD. He needs to talk to a psychiatrist and accept his diagnosis. He may want to try meds, or at least develop self-awareness that he’s being aggressive and irrational when it happens

ADHD is a highly heritable disorder, so please stay attuned to your children’s development.

All of this. Your husband is the problem and it has almost nothing to do with watching movies together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

Yes, because she actually needs the captions to know what's going on and he would prefer them off, even if that means she misses all the dialog.

So she's right and he's wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

Using captioning to compensate for hearing loss is not a want, but a NEED you dingbat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Are you the OP? Your daughter is not a young adult, she's a child, barely a teen. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

So is what really happened that you and the kids complained about the movie, said you really didn't want to see it, etc so when you started watching it you decided to be as annoying as possible? Were you all just being passive aggressive?

Your DH definitely has problems. But so do the rest of you.