Movie blow up - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Are you the OP? Your daughter is not a young adult, she's a child, barely a teen. Good grief.

That's not OP. But that PP apparently thinks Ozark and Yellowstone are appropriate for 13 year olds. Yikes. Maybe her kid can't follow the shows because they are too mature and the subject matter is way over her head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

How do you compromise on captioning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Are you the OP? Your daughter is not a young adult, she's a child, barely a teen. Good grief.

No it's not the OP you dimwit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

How is a person with a hearing impairment supposed to compromise on captioning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

How is a person with a hearing impairment supposed to compromise on captioning?

Tune out and just scroll on her phone if shes not interested. Or read, knit whatever. I’m not interested in football but “watch” with my husband. If im really interested then that’s when i would insist on captioning. Are both people always intently interested in the same thing at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

How is a person with a hearing impairment supposed to compromise on captioning?

Tune out and just scroll on her phone if shes not interested. Or read, knit whatever. I’m not interested in football but “watch” with my husband. If im really interested then that’s when i would insist on captioning. Are both people always intently interested in the same thing at the same time?

Did you bother to actually read the post? PP’s DH turns off the captioning but expects pp to continue watching tv with him anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Are you the OP? Your daughter is not a young adult, she's a child, barely a teen. Good grief.

That's not OP. But that PP apparently thinks Ozark and Yellowstone are appropriate for 13 year olds. Yikes. Maybe her kid can't follow the shows because they are too mature and the subject matter is way over her head.

No I’m that pp and what I meant was my daughter and I will watch a movie together and my husband then watches those shows on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

How is a person with a hearing impairment supposed to compromise on captioning?

Tune out and just scroll on her phone if shes not interested. Or read, knit whatever. I’m not interested in football but “watch” with my husband. If im really interested then that’s when i would insist on captioning. Are both people always intently interested in the same thing at the same time?

Did you bother to actually read the post? PP’s DH turns off the captioning but expects pp to continue watching tv with him anyway.

Yes this is the issue. I’m happy to tune out and read my kindle. The irritation is that he wants me to watch with him. I literally can’t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - the kid who asked for subtitles (older, processing difference) and who *requested them initially but acquiesced to Dad's insistence of NO subtitles*, and the kid who asked to pause the movie three times upfront to ask a question are two different kids.

The given is that if Dad is present there will be no subtitles because they distract him and DC1 has to "deal with it". DC1 will acquiesce, though it makes watching certain films harder for her.

DC2 typically does not need to pause a film to ask questions. She has no learning differences and is a bright kid, so on this particular night she may have not been paying close attention, and I get that can be annoying, but not enough to storm out over.

The issue was Dad's overreaction and blow up. This comes up a lot. My kids have told me they do not like sharing certain things with their dad because it turns into an argument and he always feels the need to be right, to push and argue until everyone else either gives up or agrees with him. He has issues seeing outside his own purview a lot.

Case in point, DC1 who has depression being told taking antidepressants is a sign of weakness. Despite the fact that DH has untreated depression and is miserable. DC2 has a close friend who is trans - DH refused to call this kid by name or use preferred pronouns because he "does not agree with it". I could give a lot of examples where DH becomes confrontational or chooses to get angry over others not seeing things his way.

He perceives anyone disagreeing with him as a personal affront and stews over it. It always comes down to "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong". THAT is at the crux of the problem here, and sadly, my kids have started distancing somewhat from him.

I think at the core, it's not about the movie watching. It's about the tiptoeing around DH on not just movies but whatever it is that he doesn't "agree with".

OP - I posted earlier re: your husband telling one of your kids the anti-depressant was a crutch. You have a DH problem, not a kid problem. Maybe he's neurodivergent, but he's definitely a jerk.

We have a lot/some of the same dynamic. I long ago sided with the kids. Which doesn't mean that we don't have good family times, etc., but when he's going off the rails I don't try to placate or fix things for him. But going off the rails for my husband is explosive anger. I tell him his behavior is not acceptable and remove myself (and kids) from the situation.

I decided many years ago that the relationship I prioritize is the one with my kids. My marriage may or may not last, but I would like to still be involved in my children's lives when they are older. Because at some point they are going to realize that they don't actually HAVE TO spend time with their parents. I have talked until I was blue in the face to my husband about developing relationships with the kids. I have suggested a zillion different opportunities for them to spend time and bond. I finally decided that his relationship with them is his business and not mine to manage.

Your kids are young adults. It's not your responsibility to fix your husband's issues. Prioritize your relationship with your kids and let the chips fall where they may.

I agree with all of this. Sometimes, it's hard to separate the mental health issue from someone who's being an a**. It sounds like your husband has both. He can't help if he has depression and/or other disorders, but he can prioritize your family and get help. He doesn't seem willing to do that.

Honestly, with the kids being adults, I don't think I could stick it out. He's only going to get worse as he ages, especially if he's not taking meds and getting psych help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 13 and my husband treats her like this. If she's not quite getting a piece of a movie we're watching at home, she'll want to pause to make sure she's understanding and my husband will be all, "Larla!!!! Come on!." Yet when he wants to make a comment, we're supposed to be all attentive.

I also need captioning. I suddenly lost hearing in one ear last ear and I cannot hear the television properly. He hates it and keeps turning it off, but then expects me to watch tv with him. Nope. Captioning on or no television. Otherwise I'm literally just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. That might be fun for him but it sure isn't for me.

I fully believe for a host of reasons he's on the spectrum and has never been diagnosed. But we walk on eggshells around him, placating him left and right when my teen daughter just wants to watch a movie with us. It's heartbreaking really. So my daughter and I tend to watch by ourselves and let him go watch Yellowstone and Ozark.

Sounds like neither of you wants to compromise on captioning. Your way or the highway. But you've decided he's wrong and you're right.

This is ridiculous. If someone needs captioning because they need it, then so be it. Count your blessings that you don't need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. My DS and DH do exactly this - insist on subtitles and talk through/pause the movie. It is annoying as sh*t!! I’m sorry but barring a hearing problem, you need to just watch the movie as intended. The DH may have other issues and perhaps could have reacted better, but y’all were acting extremely vexatiously.

The DH had already seen the movie. He wanted it watched only on his terms. OP is crystal clear that one child usually wants, in fact needs, closed captioning turned on (and one does NOT have to have a "hearing problem" to need it on, despite what you think, PP). The repeated questions and stopping and starting would have irked me as well, but the DH's reaction was childish, going off in a huff, like a kid taking his toys and stalking away to play alone. He handled it immaturely and put FAR too much weight on the movie night going exactly as he had expected.

OP, he needs to accept he requires some help. You know this isn't the only example you could give. I'd use this as a way to say, our family life can't go on with you departing for the basement and insisting you'll just do everything alone, whenever our young adult children don't react exactly as you would prefer. Time for professional help for your depression and lack of flexibiility, and you will need to participate fully .in getting that help, including possibly meds. (Since you say that he's depressed but doesn't want treatment.)

to watch a movie the way the rest of the world does it (no captions, no pausing) is not “his terms”. It’s a normal expectation. If you want to watch a movie in an irritating way, you need to negotiate that ahead of time.

Oh, PLEASE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also Team DH. If someone in the room kept pausing the movie for anything other than a bathroom emergency, they'd get the remote smacked out of their hand. It does appear nobody else in the room was at all interested in watching the movie that this DH really likes which explains the extreme disappointment. It was obvious that no fun was going to happen from screening this movie.

People have different movie-watching styles. Some want complete silence and no interruptions. For others, talking about the movie as it’s going (and perhaps even pausing/rewinding) is part of the viewing experience. Same with subtitles. Some people can’t stand them, some people need them to follow a movie well (even without an actual hearing impairment), some are indifferent.

When watching a movie in one’s own home, there is no “right” way, there’s just the way each person enjoys it best. If you are going to rigidly insist on watching a movie one way, then you need to accept that it may mean not watching a movie with someone who enjoys movies differently. And that is the problem here - the DH insisted that they all had to watch it together even though they have very different viewing styles, and then threw a tantrum that everyone didn’t enjoy watching it his way.

I also think his expectations for the 11 yo were unrealistic. Just because a movie is rated PG-13 doesn’t mean an 11 yo is going to understand it. The 11yo kept pausing it to ask questions because he wasn’t able to follow it on his own. Dad put him in an impossible situation where he could only fail because dad was demanding that he watch and enjoy a movie that was too sophisticated for him without giving him the opportunity to have it explained to him as it went along. What was the kid supposed to do with that?

Very very few people think it’s acceptable to PAUSE a movie to ask a question because you can’t keep up with it. That is not normal movie-watching behavior.

As noted, the movie was likely age-inappropriate for the 11 yo.

As noted, both children were adults. There is no 11 year old.

+1 Who keeps interjecting about 11yos? Are you in the wrong thread?

A different poster talked about their 11 yo a couple of times, which was likely the source of the confusion. Two paragraphs of the prior post have nothing to do with age, so you could respond to that instead of getting hung up on that detail.

Or you could actually pay attention to what we are responding to which was “As noted, the movie was likely age-inappropriate for the 11 yo.”

Yes, I realize you are obsessively focused on the paragraph about the 11yo so you can ignore the parts about different people having different movie watching styles, and that if you’re going to demand that someone watch a movie with you, you have to be willing to compromise on how they watch the movie.

I (and another poster) are responding to a specific comment that was factually incorrect in this thread. We’re not responding to something posted several posts prior. If we were, that would be what we quoted. Sorry you’re so butthurt that you posted something factually incorrect because you didn’t read the thread.

You are talking to multiple posters.

Well that just makes you even more butthurt to jump in for someone else. Goody for you.

You’ve now used “butthurt” twice. Are you in seventh grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and the kids are super high maintenance. Just watch the movie - like you are in a theatre.. No barking stupid questions. Just watch the movie.

No. Her husband needs to grow up. His temper tantrum about a stupid movie isn’t appropriate behavior for anyone over seven years old.

Nor are the "adults" who have no idea how to sit and watch a movie. I would never watch a movie with any of them again. Maybe the DH because he seems the most normal in this dysfunctional bunch. The rest can't figure out how to appropriately watch a movie at their advanced ages. Do the adult kids in question have a social life or friends? Because this is pretty alienating behavior. The DH is probably disappointed that something so simple is impossible in this household.

I’m very sorry that you’ve somehow reached adulthood without understanding this, but there are no rules about “how to sit and watch a movie” in your own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would teach my kids to watch movies like normal people. I feel for your husband.

I’m sure you do. You sound just like him. You probably share diagnoses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been urging myself and 2 kids to watch "Knives Out". He loved it and thought we would too. Wanted to share it with us.

Issue 1- Both kids (young adults) prefer watching movies at home with captions on. Older child is very much a visual learner and has issues with extended listening in some scenarios - ie action movies fine, in depth movies, she is a slower processor and text helps.

Issue 2 - We started the movie and several times Younger Child asked to pause it to ask a question, i.e. Which character is that? Is so and so the other character's son, etc. None of this was bothering me or other Child, we were enjoying the discussion.

DH was getting very mad. First, he insisted on no captions / subtitles onscreen - that they distract him. So they were turned off though the rest of us prefer them. "Learn to use your ears, you don't have captions in a movie theatre, deal with it" is his opinion Then anytime DD would pause the movie to ask a question, he'd get upset. "Stop pausing it, it is a MYSTERY, you're supposed to be confused, just wait and listen and you will figure it out!"

He was up and about during the movie but three times we were chastised for pausing / asking questions. The last time he got angry and stormed off to the basement because we were ruining it for him. Note - he had already seen the film.

I get that some folks do not want distraction or interruption during a film - but DH had already seen it! Afterwards kids and I talked about learning modalities and how some people are easily distracted, other need quiet, others need to verbalize, etc. Kids agreed that if we were all watching the sequel for the first time that they would refrain from conversation for DH's sake, but older child said that she could probably not enjoy that kind of film without captions or being able to stop for clarification, and might choose to bow out otherwise.

Went to talk to DH afterwards, to see if we could find a compromise and he was still angry. Said we were all smart enough to figure it out if we'd just listen, but he hates being interrupted, ever, but especially after he asked us repeatedly to be quiet.

I will say he is also depressed, not interested in counseling, and says he just doesn't fit in anywhere and should just entertain himself in the basement. Suggested playing a family game instead, but he is still smarting over the movie and feeling disrespected / out of synch with the rest of us and was not interested in coming back up. 😕

So do we just avoid movies? The kids are wary to do certain activities with Dad because they feel he can get very "my way or the highway". Sometimes he's great, other times, major friction that leaves everyone feeling bad, especially him.

Suggestions?

That’s so incredibly annoying. I would be irritated too.

And if you showed your annoyance by throwing a giant toddler fit and storming off to the basement, you’d be just as absurd as OP’s husband,