Spouse doesn’t want you at work holiday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all.

Yes, there are bigger issues. We have become distant. The standard two ships passing at night. I try to hold on to normalcy and it hurts that he just doesn’t want me there.

He and I both are both talkative fun people. I can hold my own, am well educated and cultured. However, I recognize the environment and tone it down because that night is not about me, it’s about him. I talk him up, try to connect with his colleagues and spouses, all that stuff. I don’t think it’s what I am doing in particular.

I do think he tries to fit in with the younger crowd at work. We are in our 40s and he has a very senior position. It’s not a good look in my opinion when he wants to rub elbows with the younger folks. Perhaps that is why? Early on, we would sit with our peers and have a great time but in recent years, he just wants to mingle with the younger folks and go to the after parties.

I did tell him, regarding other work events that I do not attend, that he really shouldn’t be going to the after parties. I pointedly asked him once, did any other senior level person go? The answer was no.

Perhaps he wants to stay young and having his 40
something wife and mother of his kids next to him takes away the fantasy.

I am starting to wonder if he hasn’t cheated, I think perhaps it’s just because he hasn’t been able to pull it off. I have noticed when he has these company night outs, he grooms his private area that same morning.

Oh, come on. That last line is too much lol

OP here. Haha! Thanks for making me laugh at myself. I needed that.

I have noticed that and really found it strange and not something I would share with friends or my Mom so wondered if it signaled something else but apparently not. Really, I am actually feeling better and yes, will have a talk with him to figure out what’s what.

Did he change his wardrobe recently? My exH started wearing light pink and blue shorts, Rolex and Burberry when he began an affair. He was not into dress code before that

OP here, I think before I jump to conclusions, I need to have a heart to heart with him. Has he changed his clothing? Somewhat. Could he have a work crush? Perhaps, but that wouldn’t bother me. We are human and hormones exist. Him taking action would be the problem and I don’t think he has.

Thanks again to everyone for your insight. I think I’ve found the answers and direction I needed.

Now…back to work.

OP, I'm saying this kindly, but not inviting you IS deliberate action if this is true.

Yeah, OP, do some quiet investigating before you confront in any way. He’s already shown enough of his cards (including a lack of respect and sensitivity towards you). A talk isn’t going to get you anymore, and just gives him an opening to gaslight you. This situation isn’t sitting well with you for good reason. Until you have some clarity, I would also avoid sleeping with him.

“This situation hasn’t been going well” for OP because OP has been nagging and judging her husband for wanting to let loose with younger colleagues at a holiday party - so he doesn’t want her to go. She’s the problem. Not him. Assuming it means he’s having an affair is a giant leap and a sign of immense insecurity. DCUM women smell affairs everywhere.

I hope you aren’t married. If you are, it won’t last.

[Anonymous]

I was playing along until I read OP state that her husband grooms downstairs before these events. Pure Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am starting to wonder if he hasn’t cheated, I think perhaps it’s just because he hasn’t been able to pull it off. I have noticed when he has these company night outs, he grooms his private area that same morning.

Talk about burying the lede…….

Um, you have a problem OP. This is not a good sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned he was having an affair.

+1 Smells like one to me...

[Anonymous]

Midlife crisis. Could be an affair, absolutely. Could be alcoholism, too, which is what led my DH to start hanging out with the 20-somethings at work and going to bars and after parties with them. However, he still invited me to the holiday party, which is why I think affair more likely.

DH stopped drinking 15 years ago. No affair, but addiction sucks too.

[Anonymous]

I see his point even if I understand your hurt. I took my spouse to the first company party and, don't get me wrong, I loved having her there and the attention she got, along with the compliments I got for landing such a hottie. But, I knew she wouldn't want to attend any further parties and she didn't. It had to be boring as anything for her. Those parties really are for people in the company. I'd have been just as happy to have her along for the other parties and I'd have taken her back to the hotel and had a lot of fun. But without her, I partied with workmates and did some real bonding, getting to some people I mostly only talked to on the phone.

[Anonymous]

I’d be thrilled if DH didn’t want me at his company’s holiday party!

[Anonymous]

I hated the work holiday party. I only knew my spouse, but he knew all his workmates. My feet would hurt in high heels with nowhere to sit, and the food was eaten off saucer-sized plates. He didn't like it much either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated the work holiday party. I only knew my spouse, but he knew all his workmates. My feet would hurt in high heels with nowhere to sit, and the food was eaten off saucer-sized plates. He didn't like it much either.

Same. I have to be freezing in a cocktail dress and shake hands with a bunch of people that I'll never remember. My DH always wants me to go with him though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all.

Yes, there are bigger issues. We have become distant. The standard two ships passing at night. I try to hold on to normalcy and it hurts that he just doesn’t want me there.

He and I both are both talkative fun people. I can hold my own, am well educated and cultured. However, I recognize the environment and tone it down because that night is not about me, it’s about him. I talk him up, try to connect with his colleagues and spouses, all that stuff. I don’t think it’s what I am doing in particular.

I do think he tries to fit in with the younger crowd at work. We are in our 40s and he has a very senior position. It’s not a good look in my opinion when he wants to rub elbows with the younger folks. Perhaps that is why? Early on, we would sit with our peers and have a great time but in recent years, he just wants to mingle with the younger folks and go to the after parties.

I did tell him, regarding other work events that I do not attend, that he really shouldn’t be going to the after parties. I pointedly asked him once, did any other senior level person go? The answer was no.

Perhaps he wants to stay young and having his 40
something wife and mother of his kids next to him takes away the fantasy.

I am starting to wonder if he hasn’t cheated, I think perhaps it’s just because he hasn’t been able to pull it off. I have noticed when he has these company night outs, he grooms his private area that same morning.

Oh, come on. That last line is too much lol

OP here. Haha! Thanks for making me laugh at myself. I needed that.

I have noticed that and really found it strange and not something I would share with friends or my Mom so wondered if it signaled something else but apparently not. Really, I am actually feeling better and yes, will have a talk with him to figure out what’s what.

I think what that PP meant by "that last line is too much" is that he's CLEARLY, 100% having an affair if he's grooming his pubes before going out and you can't possibly be this gullible.

I call Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was playing along until I read OP state that her husband grooms downstairs before these events. Pure Troll.

Yup