Almost former ILs still want their "party"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the kids for Thanksgiving, your soon to be ex is getting them for Xmas, right?

Have you read the thread, dear? Please do so.

Yes, I read that OP is making herself and her parents a priority this Thanksgiving.

Then you should also have read that her ex gets the kids at Christmas. Or do you have selective blindness in order to paint OP as a shrew?

Dear, she announced HER plans for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't call her a shrew, but she does sound a bit controlling,

No, she announced the Thanksgiving plans that she AND HER EX agreed together. Reading comprehension doesn't seem your strong point.

That was NOT what her original post stated. I think her husband needs to take a firmer stance with his controlling soon to be ex wife.

You should probably read the entire thread before swanning in with your ill-informed opinion.

I have, but thanks for letting me know about "swanning."

You're welcome! Always good to improve one's vocabulary.

[Anonymous]

I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

People with entitled ILs. I’ve hosted mine for thanksgiving for 15 out of 17 years. (Not OP.) and I recognize I have as much of a husband problem as I do an IL problem, though at least he helps me cook, but he enables his parents and extended family to come, sit, eat, drink, and everything else without them doing so much as washing a dish, let alone bringing anything. Not even a bottle of wine as host gift. I also feel the OP’s pain in having a spouse who cannot say no, disappoint his parents, or communicate properly.

And if I ever got divorced and my ILs had the audacity to assume I’d still be hosting a happy blended family and serving them they’d finally get the piece of my mind I’ve restrained myself from giving to them for the last 20 years. The best part would be never having to host them again!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

People with entitled ILs. I’ve hosted mine for thanksgiving for 15 out of 17 years. (Not OP.) and I recognize I have as much of a husband problem as I do an IL problem, though at least he helps me cook, but he enables his parents and extended family to come, sit, eat, drink, and everything else without them doing so much as washing a dish, let alone bringing anything. Not even a bottle of wine as host gift. I also feel the OP’s pain in having a spouse who cannot say no, disappoint his parents, or communicate properly.

And if I ever got divorced and my ILs had the audacity to assume I’d still be hosting a happy blended family and serving them they’d finally get the piece of my mind I’ve restrained myself from giving to them for the last 20 years. The best part would be never having to host them again!!

OP: his parents never and siblings never brought anything but their healthy appetites. Restaurant's closed

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP! Time for them to adult up and cook their own food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

People with entitled ILs. I’ve hosted mine for thanksgiving for 15 out of 17 years. (Not OP.) and I recognize I have as much of a husband problem as I do an IL problem, though at least he helps me cook, but he enables his parents and extended family to come, sit, eat, drink, and everything else without them doing so much as washing a dish, let alone bringing anything. Not even a bottle of wine as host gift. I also feel the OP’s pain in having a spouse who cannot say no, disappoint his parents, or communicate properly.

And if I ever got divorced and my ILs had the audacity to assume I’d still be hosting a happy blended family and serving them they’d finally get the piece of my mind I’ve restrained myself from giving to them for the last 20 years. The best part would be never having to host them again!!

I’m just willing to have a dinner with no mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and dessert if nobody brings them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

People with entitled ILs. I’ve hosted mine for thanksgiving for 15 out of 17 years. (Not OP.) and I recognize I have as much of a husband problem as I do an IL problem, though at least he helps me cook, but he enables his parents and extended family to come, sit, eat, drink, and everything else without them doing so much as washing a dish, let alone bringing anything. Not even a bottle of wine as host gift. I also feel the OP’s pain in having a spouse who cannot say no, disappoint his parents, or communicate properly.

And if I ever got divorced and my ILs had the audacity to assume I’d still be hosting a happy blended family and serving them they’d finally get the piece of my mind I’ve restrained myself from giving to them for the last 20 years. The best part would be never having to host them again!!

OP: his parents never and siblings never brought anything but their healthy appetites. Restaurant's closed

OP get real for a second. This isn’t about what a great hostess you are. I’m sure your spread is lovely, but what’s driving this is in laws’ fears about access to the kids especially around holidays, probably also because your ex is downplaying what this separation really is (a divorce in progress). They aren’t the enemy here - they love your kids and are transitioning in this new phase just like you are. Be honest with them about what is going on and let them know they will have access to the kids when your husband has them for holidays, and move on with grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are separated, he moved out a few months ago. We are still going to therapy for kid's sake. He told his side of the family. They are under some weird impression that I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. I am not. This year, it will be just the kids and my parents. I am not having a big get together, I got stuck with hosting throughout our marriage and I can't say I particularly enjoyed it. They are all aghast as to "why aren't you hosting? You are not divorced." We are not divorced, but we are getting there. I want to get us to a point where we are at least on good terms but no, we are not reconciling and moving back together. ILs are now calling my parents, guilt tripping them that "they get to spend time with grandkids during the holidays and they are not". This is so unfair.

I need to nip it in the bud once and for all but how? Without cussing them out?

In all seriousness, did you make this decision yourself or jointly with your soon to be ex? I can see why the other grandparents could be feeling hurt.

+1. So the kids live with you and you are cooking for them and inviting your parents, but not inviting ILs or DH. I totally understand why you don't want to host a big dinner, but you need to start thinking about custody and time. What is the plan with your ex? If part of the issue is that you don't want to have to micromanage your ex's and IL's time with the kids, I totally get that, but you need to be direct with your STBXH and direct at least once with your ILs. "Sylvia, it is Larlo's responsibility to make sure you get time with the grandkids. I have them on Thanksgiving Day. He has yet to let me know if he is seeing them another day that weekend. You need to talk to him about plans."

PP again. And, to be fair, there is nothing in your post indicating that they "want their party." Last they heard you were separated, and now they are hearing that you are having Thanksgiving and not inviting them. Maybe they are lazy and just want someone else to cook, but it sounds just as likely they are concerned and confused about not seeing the kids.

Wow, you are twisting. She is not obligated to host a bunch of entitled people. And of course she is cooking a meal, I am sure just like any other night, she has to feed the kids holiday or not.
These people are just upset they will have to cook their TG dinner themselves, or go out and pay big bucks to eat out on a holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the kids for Thanksgiving, your soon to be ex is getting them for Xmas, right?

Have you read the thread, dear? Please do so.

Yes, I read that OP is making herself and her parents a priority this Thanksgiving.

Because for many previous TGs the OP made her 25+ In-Laws with different ridiculous diets and requests a priority. You have a problem with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the kids for Thanksgiving, your soon to be ex is getting them for Xmas, right?

Have you read the thread, dear? Please do so.

Yes, I read that OP is making herself and her parents a priority this Thanksgiving.

Then you should also have read that her ex gets the kids at Christmas. Or do you have selective blindness in order to paint OP as a shrew?

There is no reason why they cannot come to Thanksgiving.

Will you come to OP's house and cook for everyone, especially the special diet and requests? Also, are you going to sponsor this TG dinner?

Some of you are insane. Probably never cooked a holiday dinner in your whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are separated, he moved out a few months ago. We are still going to therapy for kid's sake. He told his side of the family. They are under some weird impression that I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. I am not. This year, it will be just the kids and my parents. I am not having a big get together, I got stuck with hosting throughout our marriage and I can't say I particularly enjoyed it. They are all aghast as to "why aren't you hosting? You are not divorced." We are not divorced, but we are getting there. I want to get us to a point where we are at least on good terms but no, we are not reconciling and moving back together. ILs are now calling my parents, guilt tripping them that "they get to spend time with grandkids during the holidays and they are not". This is so unfair.

I need to nip it in the bud once and for all but how? Without cussing them out?

In all seriousness, did you make this decision yourself or jointly with your soon to be ex? I can see why the other grandparents could be feeling hurt.

+1. So the kids live with you and you are cooking for them and inviting your parents, but not inviting ILs or DH. I totally understand why you don't want to host a big dinner, but you need to start thinking about custody and time. What is the plan with your ex? If part of the issue is that you don't want to have to micromanage your ex's and IL's time with the kids, I totally get that, but you need to be direct with your STBXH and direct at least once with your ILs. "Sylvia, it is Larlo's responsibility to make sure you get time with the grandkids. I have them on Thanksgiving Day. He has yet to let me know if he is seeing them another day that weekend. You need to talk to him about plans."

PP again. And, to be fair, there is nothing in your post indicating that they "want their party." Last they heard you were separated, and now they are hearing that you are having Thanksgiving and not inviting them. Maybe they are lazy and just want someone else to cook, but it sounds just as likely they are concerned and confused about not seeing the kids.

Wow, you are twisting. She is not obligated to host a bunch of entitled people. And of course she is cooking a meal, I am sure just like any other night, she has to feed the kids holiday or not.
These people are just upset they will have to cook their TG dinner themselves, or go out and pay big bucks to eat out on a holiday.

This is not true. They want to see the grandkids on Thanksgiving. They’ve said as much to OP’s parents (which was hugely out of line of course). This isn’t about cooking a dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I will not be hosting this year. My parents are coming to support me during the separation. Please feel free to spend Thanksgiving with your son [the ex] Larlo."

. This. And maybe add that they can spend nice time with the grandkids while they are with their dad, unless you don’t mind having them over another time to see the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ was it, though?

and what is Karen supposed to mean in this context - a relatively vulnerable person is in a tough spot, being put upon, and the question is to ask her what her longer term plans are? Really?

Did you forget to take your Xanax? It’s simple… idk we didn’t discuss it, I take odd years he takes even yours, it’s a simple question.

Let the OP answer I don’t think she needs help and she not done poor ole divorce women, she seems fine to me.

are you realizing you are pretty rude with your "Karen" and "Xanax" remarks? is this how you talk in real life or is this reserved for anonymous DCUM?
DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married and my in-laws don't see the kids every holiday. I have parents too. Their expectations are way out of wack

Yea and who TF makes all the good for Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve hosted but I’ve never made a turkey. I make apps and 1 dish, everybody needs to contribute

People with entitled ILs. I’ve hosted mine for thanksgiving for 15 out of 17 years. (Not OP.) and I recognize I have as much of a husband problem as I do an IL problem, though at least he helps me cook, but he enables his parents and extended family to come, sit, eat, drink, and everything else without them doing so much as washing a dish, let alone bringing anything. Not even a bottle of wine as host gift. I also feel the OP’s pain in having a spouse who cannot say no, disappoint his parents, or communicate properly.

And if I ever got divorced and my ILs had the audacity to assume I’d still be hosting a happy blended family and serving them they’d finally get the piece of my mind I’ve restrained myself from giving to them for the last 20 years. The best part would be never having to host them again!!

OP: his parents never and siblings never brought anything but their healthy appetites. Restaurant's closed

OP get real for a second. This isn’t about what a great hostess you are. I’m sure your spread is lovely, but what’s driving this is in laws’ fears about access to the kids especially around holidays, probably also because your ex is downplaying what this separation really is (a divorce in progress). They aren’t the enemy here - they love your kids and are transitioning in this new phase just like you are. Be honest with them about what is going on and let them know they will have access to the kids when your husband has them for holidays, and move on with grace.

You don't know that. You speculating based on your experiences.