Friends 32-year-old DS arrested for CP while living in her home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of continuing this friendship? You are never going to want to go to her home. When you really understand what she is doing in housing a pedophile, you won’t want her in your home either. Tell her she needs to get her ish together and stop enabling his crime.

And by the way, if you were my child’s teacher and were known to be hanging around with someone who coddles a pedophile, I’d be lighting up the school board switchboard. About you.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this was my friend, I would be there for her. Perhaps not out in public if this will jeopardize your job/reputation. I don’t get why all the fury towards the parents. It’s not you friend’s crime. And she practically lost her son (we’ll she be even alive when he gets out?) I guess it depends on her age and how much he gets. In any case, i don’t think it would be immoral to support her. I think it would be a human and compassionate thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of continuing this friendship? You are never going to want to go to her home. When you really understand what she is doing in housing a pedophile, you won’t want her in your home either. Tell her she needs to get her ish together and stop enabling his crime.

And by the way, if you were my child’s teacher and were known to be hanging around with someone who coddles a pedophile, I’d be lighting up the school board switchboard. About you.

Seriously? You would "light up the school board switchboard" about a teacher who did not commit a crime? Does not hang out with someone who commits a crime? But who hangs out with someone who is related to someone who commits a crime?
I hope you have a lot of time and energy to start researching all the teachers--because I guarantee you there are MANY teachers at your school who have friends who are related to criminals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of continuing this friendship? You are never going to want to go to her home. When you really understand what she is doing in housing a pedophile, you won’t want her in your home either. Tell her she needs to get her ish together and stop enabling his crime.

And by the way, if you were my child’s teacher and were known to be hanging around with someone who coddles a pedophile, I’d be lighting up the school board switchboard. About you.

OP if you want to see your friend, you should meet privately, to avoid this. I would never care if you were my child's teacher, but other parents my react differently..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of continuing this friendship? You are never going to want to go to her home. When you really understand what she is doing in housing a pedophile, you won’t want her in your home either. Tell her she needs to get her ish together and stop enabling his crime.

And by the way, if you were my child’s teacher and were known to be hanging around with someone who coddles a pedophile, I’d be lighting up the school board switchboard. About you.

You sound like a nightmare, PP.

[Anonymous]

In addition to the media files found on his computer, did the feds also find financials? I mean, was this man earning money through this "business"? I fear for your friend. I think considering she was paying the bills and supporting him and THEN chose to bail him out and have him live with her still, she runs a good chance of being charged too.

Also, is your friend's husband the man's bio father or step father? My guess is childhood sexual abuse. So sad. A cycle that just continues and continues.

[Anonymous]

I might want to call troll on this. In OP's initial post she says the arrest took place "last week" so the week of Aug 14 or thereabouts. And between then and a week later, the school (her employer) had already learned enough about the case to have internal discussion that they collectively push her to retire early? A week before school was to being? Hmmm. Seems a little off, no?

[Anonymous]

There was a blog run by a woman who's husband was arrested and ultimately convicted, sentenced and served time in prison for this. The entire process took years, starting with the arrest and raid.

The blogger still defends her husband. It's so disgusting. OP, it sounds like your friend had to have known something was going on with her son, and if she was paying for the internet connection, she will be questioned.

It's so tough but I would distance myself immediately. Bailing him out and letting him come home is a terrible look.

[Anonymous]

It is amazing to me how many people there are on this site who apparently believe

“there is no right or wrong.”

Maybe it’s just a sad reflection on most of the DMV ?

[Anonymous]

why the eff did they post bail??? wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Please explain how he could possibly be innocent when his computer is full of child pornography…

There is a history of this sort of material being planted on unsuspecting people's computers.

Sure, it's unlikely. No, I'm not defending anyone involved in illegal activity. But we shouldn't make judgements about this particular individual as long as there is a nonzero possibility that he is innocent.

This is so WILDLY absurd. The guy was buried in his parents house for years. The odds some special task force would go through the trouble of picking HIM in particular to set up and plant evidence on his computer is so damn absurd, especially given the horrific UNIVERSE of child P that exists in the world. It's being made by countless people, abusing & traumatizing countless kids, and it's far more likely it's what he was peddling than it is that some action movie thriller set up happened.

OP is wise to treat the situation as if he's guilty, not only because he probably is, but also because if he's proven innocent later down the line, her friend would be nuts not to understand why OP was confused & torn & unsure of what to do.

OP you are also wise to not publicly hang with her in a small town where many know you're a teacher. You losing your job or having people not trust you and want to avoid you is not worth it. There are ways to stay in touch with your friend and support her privately. You don't have to have lunch or coffee in public to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might want to call troll on this. In OP's initial post she says the arrest took place "last week" so the week of Aug 14 or thereabouts. And between then and a week later, the school (her employer) had already learned enough about the case to have internal discussion that they collectively push her to retire early? A week before school was to being? Hmmm. Seems a little off, no?

No, not off AT ALL. If her son was found with a trove of child P, and ESPECIALLY if he was involved in making any of it, and he was living in her home, it raises HUGE QUESTIONS about what his mom the teacher knew and it's a ton of pressure on the school. It's one thing to "pressure someone to retire" and another to try to fire them, which probably wouldn't have gone so well before her son was convicted. But I can totally see a district sitting her down and saying "Do you understand how much this throws doubt on you and breaks trust? Families are already contacting us to make sure their kids aren't in your classroom. It's going to be a very tense environment. Do you want to consider early retirement, also to protect your benefits depending on what's found?" I'm ont saying every part of what I just said is fully legal to say, but if things like that were said to the mom and she agreed to retire early or felt pressure to, that is TOTALLY predictable & understandable from the School's point of view, even if it's not all legal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if this was my friend, I would be there for her. Perhaps not out in public if this will jeopardize your job/reputation. I don’t get why all the fury towards the parents. It’s not you friend’s crime. And she practically lost her son (we’ll she be even alive when he gets out?) I guess it depends on her age and how much he gets. In any case, i don’t think it would be immoral to support her. I think it would be a human and compassionate thing to do.

It really depends on what "supporting her friend" means. I agree with OP that telling her her son is a good person and this isn't her fault is not only NOT OP's job to do, it's not clear that's even true. If the parents struggled with accountability and managing his behavior, teaching him self-regulation, then they DO bear some responsibility for raising a son who doesn't know or respect limits and if they bailed him out every time and didn't allow/enforce consequences when he broke serious boundaries, it IS in part their fault. They raised him.

Letting him live in their house without requiring him to get a job and, if he kept getting fired as OP said, supporting him in working through whatever his issues were so he could be self-sufficient, that also is the parents' fault and they DO bear large responsibility for him having the time, space, equipment, technology, and possibly total privacy to run this horrific business.

OP can try to listen to her friend and tell her friend she can undestand how incredibly hard this has to be (and do it all by phone or zoom, and NOT on her school work computer of course!), but OP is not obligated, nor would it be doing her friend any favor, if she echoed lies her friend may want to believe about her son being such a good person and maybe hi nnot knowing what he was doing or him being sick. Of course he's sick, but why do you not know he's sick when he lives in your house and never goes out? Did he have people coming in and out of their house doing some of this horrible filming? Who knows, but OP would be hurting herself and her friend if she echoed her friend in trying to deflect responsibility for her son's horrific acts. Of course the friend still loves her son, and she should. But she must also allow justice to take its' course, because she maybe protected him way too much from accountabilit up until now.

[Anonymous]

I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not letting my son rot in jail before he has a fair trial no matter what the charge is. If he was facing a long time in prison I would want to spend time with him, help him get things in order, and help him prepare for being inside. Any mother would do the same and if you’re a mother and you disagree you’re lying to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of continuing this friendship? You are never going to want to go to her home. When you really understand what she is doing in housing a pedophile, you won’t want her in your home either. Tell her she needs to get her ish together and stop enabling his crime.

And by the way, if you were my child’s teacher and were known to be hanging around with someone who coddles a pedophile, I’d be lighting up the school board switchboard. About you.

You sound like a nightmare, PP.

No, that PP sounds like a realist. And that's fine that you wouldn't do this, but you're not helping anyone by acting like a TON of parents wouldn't. I know, I worked for a school district that over time had several teachers accused of child abuse, and parents freaked all the way out about not just the teacher but any staff who seemed very close or social with the teachers, and sometimes the accusations were far less extreme than OP's friend's situation.