Reply to Friends 32-year-old DS arrested for CP while living in her home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if this was my friend, I would be there for her. Perhaps not out in public if this will jeopardize your job/reputation. I don’t get why all the fury towards the parents. It’s not you friend’s crime. And she practically lost her son (we’ll she be even alive when he gets out?) I guess it depends on her age and how much he gets. In any case, i don’t think it would be immoral to support her. I think it would be a human and compassionate thing to do. [/quote]

It really depends on what "supporting her friend" means.  I agree with OP that telling her her son is a good person and this isn't her fault is not only NOT OP's job to do, it's not clear that's even true.  If the parents struggled with accountability and managing his behavior, teaching him self-regulation, then they DO bear some responsibility for raising a son who doesn't know or respect limits and if they bailed him out every time and didn't allow/enforce consequences when he broke serious boundaries, it IS in part their fault.  They raised him.

Letting him live in their house without requiring him to get a job and, if he kept getting fired as OP said, supporting him in working through whatever his issues were so he could be self-sufficient, that also is the parents' fault and they DO bear large responsibility for him having the time, space, equipment, technology, and possibly total privacy to run this horrific business.

OP can try to listen to her friend and tell her friend she can undestand how incredibly hard this has to be (and do it all by phone or zoom, and NOT on her school work computer of course!), but OP is not obligated, nor would it be doing her friend any favor, if she echoed lies her friend may want to believe about her son being such a good person and maybe hi nnot knowing what he was doing or him being sick.  Of course he's sick, but why do you not know he's sick when he lives in  your house and never goes out? Did he have people coming in and out of their house doing some of this horrible filming?  Who knows, but OP would be hurting herself and her friend if she echoed her friend in trying to deflect responsibility for her son's horrific acts.  Of course the friend still loves her son, and she should.  But she must also allow justice to take its' course, because she maybe protected him way too much from accountabilit up until now.[/quote]

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