Friends 32-year-old DS arrested for CP while living in her home

[Anonymous]

With her being an educator doesn't having him in her home jeopardize her CPS clearance and teaching license? I'd certainly be concerned if my child's teacher lived with a pedophile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is reaching out to me in hopes of some sort of support but I’m scared. I do want to support her, but I have nothing positive to say about her son and I think she wants to hear that he’s a good person, that he is just making mistakes.

Instead of guessing what she wants to hear, talk to her. Start by supporting her, but not her son. You absolutely should not support her in defending or minimizing her son's actions, but you can support her in what appears to totally his fault, not hers. (She's already beating herself up, I'm sure.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With her being an educator doesn't having him in her home jeopardize her CPS clearance and teaching license? I'd certainly be concerned if my child's teacher lived with a pedophile.

OP said that she was forced to retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest some kind of therapy. This situation is a lot to unpack. Did the parents secure an attorney since this all occurred in their home using their internet?

+1000

OP, you can certainly support your friend via phone. I'd highly recommend therapy for your friend. Your friend may need some pharmaceutical support drugs from her primary care physician.

It is pretty common for families with means to bail out their children that are accused of murder, pedo, etc and to provide legal support until the money runs out. Your friend is probably in denial right now. Everyone wants their kid to have a lawyer and not a public defender.

Porn is addictive and endemic in our society. It is not caused by the parents.

Your friend's son is a grown man. No parent is policing their grown son's web surfing.

It is understandable since she works with children but unfortunate that she lost her job two years before she was going to retire.

My boyfriend had an employee who ended up doing time in federal prison for CP. I believe he was sentenced to 15 years and ended up
doing 10 years in federal prison. He was released as a broken man. I believe he is on social security disability and living with his mother in a trailer and can't leave the county as condition of his parole. My boyfriend knew the wife and children of the accused. We supported the wife and
also the children of the accused (youngest was around 5). It was the right thing to do. They needed the support. We also live in a small town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With her being an educator doesn't having him in her home jeopardize her CPS clearance and teaching license? I'd certainly be concerned if my child's teacher lived with a pedophile.

OP said that she was forced to retire.

Welp - next time don’t bail out pedophiles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With her being an educator doesn't having him in her home jeopardize her CPS clearance and teaching license? I'd certainly be concerned if my child's teacher lived with a pedophile.

OP said that she was forced to retire.

thanks - I overlooked that in the post. It's a shame that his parents are suffering because he's a horrible animal. They should sever ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not convinced someone can become a pedo in a vacuum. Did you ever get “off” vibes from her or his father?

-1

Pedophiles (and rapists, and domestic abusers) can be very very good at manipulating others and crafting a very likable, harmless persona. That’s why so few victims are believed. It is by design.

-molested by dad, yet my family believes him over me

I think PP was trying to say that the son was likely abused himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not convinced someone can become a pedo in a vacuum. Did you ever get “off” vibes from her or his father?

-1

Pedophiles (and rapists, and domestic abusers) can be very very good at manipulating others and crafting a very likable, harmless persona. That’s why so few victims are believed. It is by design.

-molested by dad, yet my family believes him over me

I believe you, PP.

[Anonymous]

This woman literally paid for the wifi connection and computers used to commit the crime, since the son didn't have a job. Anything outside of sending him back to jail is enabling the crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest some kind of therapy. This situation is a lot to unpack. Did the parents secure an attorney since this all occurred in their home using their internet?

+1000

OP, you can certainly support your friend via phone. I'd highly recommend therapy for your friend. Your friend may need some pharmaceutical support drugs from her primary care physician.

It is pretty common for families with means to bail out their children that are accused of murder, pedo, etc and to provide legal support until the money runs out. Your friend is probably in denial right now. Everyone wants their kid to have a lawyer and not a public defender.

Porn is addictive and endemic in our society. It is not caused by the parents.

Your friend's son is a grown man. No parent is policing their grown son's web surfing.

It is understandable since she works with children but unfortunate that she lost her job two years before she was going to retire.

My boyfriend had an employee who ended up doing time in federal prison for CP. I believe he was sentenced to 15 years and ended up
doing 10 years in federal prison. He was released as a broken man. I believe he is on social security disability and living with his mother in a trailer and can't leave the county as condition of his parole. My boyfriend knew the wife and children of the accused. We supported the wife and
also the children of the accused (youngest was around 5). It was the right thing to do. They needed the support. We also live in a small town.

It’s good the pedo came out of prison came out a broken man. Imagine the lives of the innocent children absolutely ruined due to his actions.

[Anonymous]

All the people screaming "Privacy" the man has been arrested, booked, has a publicly available mugshot and court docket. The case may have been covered in the local media, often in an attempt to get any additional victims to come forward.

Secrecy and PEDOPHILIA should NOT GO TOGETHER.

That people who are likely parents are having that reaction is troubling.

OP, my conscience and also concern for my own license and reputation would cause me to distance given the fact that they bailed him out and he is living there. I would not go to that house, nor would I be comfortable socializing in public given that you are a teacher and she was forced to retire.

[Anonymous]

Please be there for your friend. She has lost her job, her son, her support. She is stuck in the house with a bad husband, a perverted son and a lot of shame. She didn’t do it and I doubt she knew about it. I actually suspect - based on your description of the change in this young man - that he is probably mentally I’ll and that’s why the parents had let him live with them. There are a lot of mental illnesses that show up in young adulthood. Of course, that doesn’t excuse the CP, but it may help explain why they were supporting him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please be there for your friend. She has lost her job, her son, her support. She is stuck in the house with a bad husband, a perverted son and a lot of shame. She didn’t do it and I doubt she knew about it. I actually suspect - based on your description of the change in this young man - that he is probably mentally I’ll and that’s why the parents had let him live with them. There are a lot of mental illnesses that show up in young adulthood. Of course, that doesn’t excuse the CP, but it may help explain why they were supporting him.

This. We have friends whose adult son was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic and who had to seek guardianship. It's very, very hard to get a legal adult declared mentally incompetent. If their son's illness was less severe, I could easily see a world where they would have had to make the call whether to allow him to play video games in their attic permanently versus having a volatile and unsafe adult man (who they can't control legally or physically) out in the world. With guardianship they can now have him institutionalized when his mental health deteriorates, but without that lever they would have been in a very very tough spot.

Obviously there's no excuse for CP, but it seems plausible your friend had no idea.

[Anonymous]

I would bail my child out of jail no matter what she did. Particularly if she’s been suffering from mental illness for years and somewhere in my heart I suspect her dad or someone else might have sexually abused her (which could be what OP’s friend is thinking).

I think it’s shitty to cut off this friend because of something horrible her child did. I do understand the practical fears about your job. But do you really think you’re going to get fired in the next 2 years because people will think you abuse kids because you took casseroles to her? If so, I would tell her that. Call her and say, “I am very sorry you’re struggling right now. You’re in my thoughts constantly. I believe there would be professional repercussions for me if I associate with you right now. I can imagine that’s painful, and I know you need support right now. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you at this difficult time.”

[Anonymous]

I am so surprised and disappointed at how many people are advocating for cutting the friend off. OF COURSE you support. your friend! She's in a ton of pain and you are going to abandon her now? I'm with PP who would bail out my kid no matter what he or she did, especially if there was mental illness involved. Being a parent isn't just for th good times. I would try and get my kid help, and I would help my friend by being there for her. Lots of terrible people on DCuM.