Husband cheated with high school sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds pretty hot honestly.

Yep.

Op - be honest.

1. Who is prettier?
2. Emotionally you’ll never have the connection with dh that she had in her teens with him

Ewwww you are so gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a lot in this thread about telling the other woman or not. For me, that raises the bigger issue of how much to say about the infidelity and to whom.

I am 15 years out from serial infidelity. Now exDH was not forthcoming when confronted about it and lied extensively to manipulate me into staying. I can say firmly that, in retrospect, keeping his behavior secret was harmful to ME and the KIDS. It isolated me. It made me feel like I was living a fake, inauthentic life. It cut me off from friendships because people didn’t know the real me. People didn’t understand the deep degree of trauma I was going through in my life and so the decisions I was making didn’t seem to make sense from the outside. It kept me in contact with my abuser (and, yes, infidelity is a deep form of emotional abuse), which only traumatized me further.

I did tell one or two friends I thought would be supportive and I told my family, who were all supportive. But, I should have told my ex-husband’s family about the reasons for the end of the marriage. I should have also told a much wider circle of friends and mutual colleagues. And, eventually, my kids should have known - it has been deeply corrosive for them to grow up in a divorce where a false front is put on. They do not understand their Dad’s behavior nor mine at times because they do not understand the context and they draw incorrect conclusions on the basis of lack of information. And, as is natural for kids, they draw conclusions that wrongly blame themselves for his lack of affection when it is really a character flaw unto himself.

IME, I should have also not caved to societal pressure to try to keep the marriage intact. IME, the marriage you had is dead upon the discovery of infidelity and there is really no rebuilding unless you are in the very rare circumstance that your DH has immediately confessed on his own and willingly entered therapy to address his issues and make amends. It is impossible to rebuild a healthy marriage on a foundation of lies with a person who lacks the capacity for self-examination, self-regulation, and open communication, negotiation and honesty.

This is a good insight based on hindsight. Something for OP to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait, DH was traveling for work and banging a side piece throughout the pandemic?

Very good point, PP. If he was doing this during the pandemic he's even worse, if that's possible. The first year of the pandemic, treatments weren't well established and there was no vaccine etc. Some otherwise healthy people were dying at that point. If he was risking bringing that home to his wife and teens, he's beyond awful. That would color my thoughts about the affair even more, if I were OP. Knowing he'd chosen his d**k over his family's health during a pandemic.

I am the pp who wrote that. I was more suggesting the post is fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

My DH had an affair with a married woman. When he broke it off she went nuts and did a few disturbing things that made us realize she was capable of doing a lot more damage. I was sooo tempted to call her DH. I don’t know if he knows, but I really don’t want to find out what this psycho woman is capable of if I tell him. She’s married with two young kids! I guess she thought my DH was her ticket out of that marriage. In any case, she deserves to be exposed and I hope the rest of her life is as miserable possible. I’m going to trust karma to take care of that and protect myself and kids from any more of her insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

The OW changed the trajectory of the betrayed spouse's kids' lives and the trajectory she changed in her own kids lives stems from when she started cheating.

Once you decide to enter someone else's family and f**ck with their family, you don't get to decide how people will react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

The OW changed the trajectory of the betrayed spouse's kids' lives and the trajectory she changed in her own kids lives stems from when she started cheating.

Once you decide to enter someone else's family and f**ck with their family, you don't get to decide how people will react.

Yeah. The 'truly crappy people' are the cheaters for chrissakes.

It's so funny when cheaters try to blame everyone else for their misdeeds and lack of integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three years? And I'd bet she wasn't the only one.

Kick him out.

I bet she was.

You weren't, sorry. You were played too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

My DH had an affair with a married woman. When he broke it off she went nuts and did a few disturbing things that made us realize she was capable of doing a lot more damage. I was sooo tempted to call her DH. I don’t know if he knows, but I really don’t want to find out what this psycho woman is capable of if I tell him. She’s married with two young kids! I guess she thought my DH was her ticket out of that marriage. In any case, she deserves to be exposed and I hope the rest of her life is as miserable possible. I’m going to trust karma to take care of that and protect myself and kids from any more of her insanity.

They always think that. It's why men need to wake the hell up. These women always say it won't be about feelings/leaving their marriage, etc...they think once they keep the boning going he won't be able to resist

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

This is the worst kind of circular logic. It’s not OP who would be changing those kids’ lives, it’s the crappy choices made by the AP (their mother). OP has every right to tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

This is the worst kind of circular logic. It’s not OP who would be changing those kids’ lives, it’s the crappy choices made by the AP (their mother). OP has every right to tell the truth.

Yes. That's why I highlighted that passage and then posted this underneath it:

"The OW [not OP]changed the trajectory of the betrayed spouse's kids' lives and the trajectory she changed in her own kids lives stems from when she started cheating.

Once you decide to enter someone else's family and f**ck with their family, you don't get to decide how people will react.

[Anonymous]

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think concerns about something bad happening if the betrayed spouse ratted out the OW to her own spouse are overblown. I know it happens, but I think for most people its highly unlikely Most people who have affairs are just regular people who made bad decisions, not sociopaths.

So that (coupled with my belief that people have a right to know who they are sleeping with) is why if I found out my husband was sleeping with a married woman, I'd tell her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

My DH had an affair with a married woman. When he broke it off she went nuts and did a few disturbing things that made us realize she was capable of doing a lot more damage. I was sooo tempted to call her DH. I don’t know if he knows, but I really don’t want to find out what this psycho woman is capable of if I tell him. She’s married with two young kids! I guess she thought my DH was her ticket out of that marriage. In any case, she deserves to be exposed and I hope the rest of her life is as miserable possible. I’m going to trust karma to take care of that and protect myself and kids from any more of her insanity.

I’m sorry you were in this situation. You seem remarkably on the same page as your husband though- like his AP harmed both of you and none of the blame lies with your DH, and you’re thankful he stayed with you instead of leaving? I hope that attitude isn’t the case and he actually earned whatever forgiveness you’ve shown him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think concerns about something bad happening if the betrayed spouse ratted out the OW to her own spouse are overblown. I know it happens, but I think for most people its highly unlikely Most people who have affairs are just regular people who made bad decisions, not sociopaths.

So that (coupled with my belief that people have a right to know who they are sleeping with) is why if I found out my husband was sleeping with a married woman, I'd tell her husband.

Agree. I think OW forget that the betrayed spouse could become the pyscho one with reason. All this talk about the AP being psycho or the AP's husband, etc. You just might run into a betrayed wife who is going to loose her mind when she threaten her life/family/kids by banging her spouse and planning your exit.

If you insist on being a scumbag, just cheat with single people for godssakes. Don't bring someone else's family into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think concerns about something bad happening if the betrayed spouse ratted out the OW to her own spouse are overblown. I know it happens, but I think for most people its highly unlikely Most people who have affairs are just regular people who made bad decisions, not sociopaths.

So that (coupled with my belief that people have a right to know who they are sleeping with) is why if I found out my husband was sleeping with a married woman, I'd tell her husband.

It is just abominably selfish and psychotic to do this. Can you imagine breaking up another family and destroying children's lives because of some misplaced moralism? Half of people cheat. We need to do better at understanding our own relationships, problems, failings, and societal constructs before we go nuclear.

I personally would not want to know if DH cheated because I would never get over it. If it's over and done with, and we can find a way to move on, I would rather fly blind. It doesn't mean my life is a lie. I have a rich inner life and outer life without DH and I don't need to share everything with him. Sure, sleeping around is a betrayal, but disclosing only leads to pain and destruction. Think before you act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three years? And I'd bet she wasn't the only one.

Kick him out.

I bet she was.

You weren't, sorry. You were played too.

Huh?