Regret asking my mom to “help”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was in an awful accident a few weeks back and is finally back home recovering. He needs a lot of care, kids are off school and I’m back to work.. I’ve hired help and was managing ok, but my mom kept offering to come help and when my husband got out of the hospital I agreed, thinking it would be good to have help with the kids in particular. She got tickets for a month and flew in from overseas.

The problem is she does… nothing. She’s not from here and won’t leave the house without me so can’t pick up kids, take them out, go to the grocery.. I suggested she go with the nanny a few times so she learns how things work but she sleeps in till 9 and shows no initiative. If I ask her something very specific she may do it, but none of the cooking or child care I imagined is happening. At this point I’m 1000x more stressed by her being here than I would have been because I’m honestly so annoyed.

Help? She is very sensitive and will not take it well if I say something. 3 more weeks to go and I may just suck it up and pretend she’s not here… I’m beating myself up because in retrospect I should have seen this coming, I was just so desperate for “help” and forgot this is how she’s like.

You should have hired a male LPN or CNA. How old is your mother? You should have known this was too much for her. I cannot imagine asking an older woman to take care of someone in your husband's condition.

The mom wasn’t ask to nurse the husband.. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

My own mom is pushy and obnoxious, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that worked out really well for me having her around to help when I had a newborn. She just took charge and worked. We bickered about how I needed her to get out of my closet (hanging up my clothes she washed, but also dug through my things looking for more dirty laundry and clutter to clean).

When my FIL came to help when I was sick with a 2 month old and dh out of town, how's like OP's mil.

In hindsight, I really don't know why I didn't make him a daily to do list. If he grumbled or ignored, I could have sent him home.

Op, try giving her a solid, specific to-do list and see what happens. I don't know why I didn't do that with FIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my mom when my second kid was born. She was 61 at the time. She insisted on coming to "help"
-she sat on the couch most of the day and expected me to make her cups of tea
- She constantly told me old wives advice that contradicted what my Dr said
- She shook the baby multiple times to "make sure she was breathing" then got upset when I told her to stop
- She slept in until 10 but complained about how tired she was
- She didn't put the parking brake on my stick shift car and it rolled out of the garage- luckily the door was open and my toddler wasn't around
- She made dinner once and huffed and puffed like a toddler while doing that- and started yelling and cursing at the stove b.c the water wasn't boiling. Of course she had the setting on Medium

Yes- my therapist has said she has Narc tendencies

This sounds a lot like my mom! Including the unsolicited advice about everything under the sun. She has now decided that my son is lactose intolerant because he had a stomach ache for two days. Sigh.

Thanks a lot for all the responses and words of wisdom. This is hard.. my mom is still here, things have improved somewhat because my expectations are now zero so today when she spent 30 minutes playing with the boys it was a pleasant surprise. 2 more weeks to go.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my mom when my second kid was born. She was 61 at the time. She insisted on coming to "help"
-she sat on the couch most of the day and expected me to make her cups of tea
- She constantly told me old wives advice that contradicted what my Dr said
- She shook the baby multiple times to "make sure she was breathing" then got upset when I told her to stop
- She slept in until 10 but complained about how tired she was
- She didn't put the parking brake on my stick shift car and it rolled out of the garage- luckily the door was open and my toddler wasn't around
- She made dinner once and huffed and puffed like a toddler while doing that- and started yelling and cursing at the stove b.c the water wasn't boiling. Of course she had the setting on Medium

Yes- my therapist has said she has Narc tendencies

This sounds a lot like my mom! Including the unsolicited advice about everything under the sun. She has now decided that my son is lactose intolerant because he had a stomach ache for two days. Sigh.

Thanks a lot for all the responses and words of wisdom. This is hard.. my mom is still here, things have improved somewhat because my expectations are now zero so today when she spent 30 minutes playing with the boys it was a pleasant surprise. 2 more weeks to go.


OP

Thanks for update, OP. It is so satisfying when an OP participates in a civil, engaged manner. Only connect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my mom when my second kid was born. She was 61 at the time. She insisted on coming to "help"
-she sat on the couch most of the day and expected me to make her cups of tea
- She constantly told me old wives advice that contradicted what my Dr said
- She shook the baby multiple times to "make sure she was breathing" then got upset when I told her to stop
- She slept in until 10 but complained about how tired she was
- She didn't put the parking brake on my stick shift car and it rolled out of the garage- luckily the door was open and my toddler wasn't around
- She made dinner once and huffed and puffed like a toddler while doing that- and started yelling and cursing at the stove b.c the water wasn't boiling. Of course she had the setting on Medium

Yes- my therapist has said she has Narc tendencies

This sounds a lot like my mom! Including the unsolicited advice about everything under the sun. She has now decided that my son is lactose intolerant because he had a stomach ache for two days. Sigh.

Thanks a lot for all the responses and words of wisdom. This is hard.. my mom is still here, things have improved somewhat because my expectations are now zero so today when she spent 30 minutes playing with the boys it was a pleasant surprise. 2 more weeks to go.

OP

You got this, OP. Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed! Look forward to her bragging to all her friends about helping you. LOL