How do you deal with a 20 something daughter moving in with boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moved in with my boyfriend at 21 after 1.5 years of dating, been together another 14 years, married for 8, and have 3 kids. We’re doing well and I don’t regret it.

Shacking up for 6-7.5 years before he finally put a ring on it and you think that's worth bragging about? Bless your heart but you have mighty low standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved in with my boyfriend at 21 after 1.5 years of dating, been together another 14 years, married for 8, and have 3 kids. We’re doing well and I don’t regret it.

Shacking up for 6-7.5 years before he finally put a ring on it and you think that's worth bragging about? Bless your heart but you have mighty low standards.

And for every 1 of these "success" stories, there's 100 who got dumped or never got a ring after pissing away their 20s and often early 30s (READ prime and fertility) with a man-child bum who just used them until they finally wised up or he left for some new gullible idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved in with my boyfriend at 21 after 1.5 years of dating, been together another 14 years, married for 8, and have 3 kids. We’re doing well and I don’t regret it.

Shacking up for 6-7.5 years before he finally put a ring on it and you think that's worth bragging about? Bless your heart but you have mighty low standards.

And for every 1 of these "success" stories, there's 100 who got dumped or never got a ring after pissing away their 20s and often early 30s (READ prime and fertility) with a man-child bum who just used them until they finally wised up or he left for some new gullible idiot.

Show some data on this otherwise you're full of shit as usual.

[Anonymous]

This could lead to premarital sex. Not trying to be alarmist, but something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been dating for over two years and met in college. Nice guy from good parents. I always told her do not move in unless there is a ring and a date. Some of her friends are living with SOs and I was always happy she was living on her own rather than doing this.

They are both turning 24. OK, get they are adults but both sets of parents are somewhat uneasy. If you have been in the same situation, how did you cope?

Living on one's own is even stupider than moving in with a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with it, however I see a lot wrong with parental attempts at interference into the lives of adult children. I moved in with my now-husband shortly after we started dating, as many on this thread have reflected.

Given the current state of the economy and fuel prices, it could start making a lot more financial sense for many couples in the near future. It is much more cost-efficient to live together than to maintain separate households and drive to see each other.

this is what means to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your worry?

OP: her getting tied down when she should be using these years to learn more about herself. And the possibility he strings her along if she wants to get married.

And if she strings him along?

he can still father a child when he is 50.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel. I think it’s better for people to keep their own places until they get engaged, not for any moral reason, but because it’s logistically easier to break up. I think sometimes living together can lead to relationship inertia. People not breaking up or people sliding into marriage because they already live together. It will be harder for her to explore other options if he starts being a bad boyfriend or doesn’t commit etc.

If you agree, you could gently tell her your opinion but make clear that you know it’s up to her and that your support her and whatever she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hahah what? I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for 6 months when I was 25. We ended up getting engaged a year later and have been married for 11 years now.

My sister moved in with her boyfriend when she was 24 and he was 40. They got married a year later and have been married for 13 years now.

Thankfully our parents didn't say anything - even if they had reservations.

OP would s**t a brick.

[Anonymous]

How would I deal with it?

Take her shopping at Target to get things she needs.

Make sure that she knows that she can come home if he's a disaster.

Tell her I love her and support her choices.

[Anonymous]

its 24 time to go

[Anonymous]

As far as premarital sex, getting pregnant or getting dumped goes, all of that can happen without moving in together.

I get it, you've fear of her getting hurt but also be happy that she has someone to love and share life with. Do you not like the guy? Are you scared about your social circle's judgment?

Forget everyone and think of what makes your child happy. Unless there is a red flag like drinking, addiction, abuse etc, let it go. Let her live HER life, its not YOURS, no matter how well intentioned you are.

[Anonymous]

She is 24, not 16. I'm assuming she has a college degree and a job. She is an independent adult, trust common sense and values you taught her when she was young, she'll use it, in her way not yours.

[Anonymous]

What's cohabitation agreement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved in with my boyfriend at 21 after 1.5 years of dating, been together another 14 years, married for 8, and have 3 kids. We’re doing well and I don’t regret it.

Shacking up for 6-7.5 years before he finally put a ring on it and you think that's worth bragging about? Bless your heart but you have mighty low standards.

Shacking up is a disrespectful term used by archaic self righteous judgmental jerks which shouldn't be used in 2022.