Why Men Cheat - How Can I Break This Cycle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, this makes me roll my eyes. Every woman I know has felt undervalued as a wife and person, and their husbands treat married and family life as a chore and lack all enthusiasm. Dudes should think about practicing what they preach, if they want enthusiasm and to feel valued, lead by example rather than nagging.

PF - this advice should work for both parties in a marriage. Every man I know has felt undervalued as well.

What I hear most, however, is women wanting their DH to change without making any effort to change themselves. Watch.

This post will be met with "How do you expect me to do _____, when he is always screwing up _________?" It is easy to focus on what others can do for you.

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

The person who changed from having a normal active sex life into a dried sexless prune has to be the one to change. If you are unsatisfied with your partner going elsewhere for sex, then just stop rejecting and start initiating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed. If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed. If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.

Except when you get married you normally promise in front of God and your families to be faithful.
You don’t promise to be horny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have low self esteem, cheating is not the answer (if you have any character, that will only make you feel worse about yourself—let alone your family , if they found out).

Your value is not measured by mileage on your d*ck.

Please get therapy.

You can't live in a society where individuals are constantly being told, in ways big and little, that attractiveness to the opposite sex is a significant indicator of value and then tell a person to get therapy when they happen to notice the connection.

Get off social media and reality TV.

Seriously, if you came out if your childhood with a solid dose of self esteem (healthy ego), your wife’s sex drive would not dictate what you think of yourself.
Self esteem is inside of you.

[Anonymous]

OP -- have you asked your wife if it's ok for you to get sex elsewhere, since she isn't giving it to you? If she's ok with that, it's not cheating, and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.
[Report Post]

First, you tried to dodge the point about her making a change in the marriage. Reread the post. Better yet, get someone who can read to explain it to you.

Second, what 50% is she going to get? VA is not a community property state, and the court will award her what is "fair and equitable." Almony is based on a formula, and this formula does not require a 50-50 spilt.

Again, you have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed. If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.

I mean it’s literally in the vows, and infidelity is a crime in several states including Virginia, so I beg to differ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- have you asked your wife if it's ok for you to get sex elsewhere, since she isn't giving it to you? If she's ok with that, it's not cheating, and there's nothing wrong with it.

+1. And if she's not ok, it's time for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.
[Report Post]

First, you tried to dodge the point about her making a change in the marriage. Reread the post. Better yet, get someone who can read to explain it to you.

Second, what 50% is she going to get? VA is not a community property state, and the court will award her what is "fair and equitable." Almony is based on a formula, and this formula does not require a 50-50 spilt.

Again, you have no idea what you are talking about.

It’s not a unilateral change in most cases. Wife says she doesn’t want sex due to ___. H takes no action to correct ___. Sounds like he made a decision.

You’re right that VA is not a community property state— she could easily get more than half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, this makes me roll my eyes. Every woman I know has felt undervalued as a wife and person, and their husbands treat married and family life as a chore and lack all enthusiasm. Dudes should think about practicing what they preach, if they want enthusiasm and to feel valued, lead by example rather than nagging.

PF - this advice should work for both parties in a marriage. Every man I know has felt undervalued as well.

What I hear most, however, is women wanting their DH to change without making any effort to change themselves. Watch.

This post will be met with "How do you expect me to do _____, when he is always screwing up _________?" It is easy to focus on what others can do for you.

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

The person who changed from having a normal active sex life into a dried sexless prune has to be the one to change. If you are unsatisfied with your partner going elsewhere for sex, then just stop rejecting and start initiating.

Normally, the change doesn't happen in a vacuum. Ther are usually other factors at play. You are looking at the symptom rather than the cause. Fix the cause; the symptom will go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, this makes me roll my eyes. Every woman I know has felt undervalued as a wife and person, and their husbands treat married and family life as a chore and lack all enthusiasm. Dudes should think about practicing what they preach, if they want enthusiasm and to feel valued, lead by example rather than nagging.

PF - this advice should work for both parties in a marriage. Every man I know has felt undervalued as well.

What I hear most, however, is women wanting their DH to change without making any effort to change themselves. Watch.

This post will be met with "How do you expect me to do _____, when he is always screwing up _________?" It is easy to focus on what others can do for you.

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

The person who changed from having a normal active sex life into a dried sexless prune has to be the one to change. If you are unsatisfied with your partner going elsewhere for sex, then just stop rejecting and start initiating.

Normally, the change doesn't happen in a vacuum. Ther are usually other factors at play. You are looking at the symptom rather than the cause. Fix the cause; the symptom will go away.

I really can’t imagine why the PP’s spouse isn’t initiating! They seem like such a charmer!

[Anonymous]

Except when you get married you normally promise in front of God and your families to be faithful.
You don’t promise to be horny.

Church weddings are on the decline: https://www.startribune.com/church-weddings-are-on-the-decline/511981072/#:~:text=Religious%20institutions%20hosted%20only%2022,from%2041%20percent%20in%202009.

They now represent much less than 50% of all weddings. So, no you normally do not promise in front of God.

Yes, a marriage vow carries the expectation that both parties will have sex with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed. If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.

I mean it’s literally in the vows, and infidelity is a crime in several states including Virginia, so I beg to differ.

Wow so Nobody in Virginia cheats? Because it’s in the vow and you could go to jail? Who knew. Guess you are entitled to fidelity. So go right on being sexless because he won’t cheat. Because those Vows.

[Anonymous]

You’re right that VA is not a community property state— she could easily get more than half.

Bushshit. The PP was about how much of a man's salary he shared with his wife. Spousal support is based on a formula, and it is not easy to modify that formula.

Unlike you, I know what I am talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed. If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.

I mean it’s literally in the vows, and infidelity is a crime in several states including Virginia, so I beg to differ.

Wow so Nobody in Virginia cheats? Because it’s in the vow and you could go to jail? Who knew. Guess you are entitled to fidelity. So go right on being sexless because he won’t cheat. Because those Vows.

My husband and I have sex at the rates all the men here say they want it…he’s just better at the whole “be a desirable partner” than the lazy men of DCUM seem to be.