Why Men Cheat - How Can I Break This Cycle?

[Anonymous]

Wives- if you don't want to have sex, any excuse will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wives- if you don't want to have sex, any excuse will work.

…man on internet has literally just discovered what consent means? Even better buddy— you don’t even need an excuse! You get to say “no” and then you don’t have to have sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wives- if you don't want to have sex, any excuse will work.

…man on internet has literally just discovered what consent means? Even better buddy— you don’t even need an excuse! You get to say “no” and then you don’t have to have sex!

DP. I think you’re conflating some different things here. I think withholding consent without any explanation at all is better than a pretextual or guessed at excuse. “I don’t want to” is better than “I don’t want to because you loaded the dishwasher wrong.”

[Anonymous]

So, the way to break the cycle of cheating is to not cheat.

You’re looking for excuses. Just don’t cheat on your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Projecting deficiencies onto your husband is certainly easier on the conscience than living with the fact that you're hurting a good husband because you're bored and your body craves novelty.

Sorry, if a woman is in love with a man who treats her well and with respect, her body does not crave novelty. That is just not a thing when you have a good partner.

You must be young. Under 50? Married less than 20 years?

Actually, I’m 60, married more than 30 years to the same man and we have a great sex life.

A woman with a good and reliable partner does not crave novelty. There is nothing better for a woman’s sex drive than feeling loved by the person she loves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wives- if you don't want to have sex, any excuse will work.

…man on internet has literally just discovered what consent means? Even better buddy— you don’t even need an excuse! You get to say “no” and then you don’t have to have sex!

I have never said no. Previous wife- 25 years, last 9 without sex. I gave up. No, I never cheated. Plenty of opportunities, often I wish I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

Congratulations. You are an outlier though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

Congratulations. You are an outlier though.

I don’t think she is an outlier. I think her experience is way more common than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, the way to break the cycle of cheating is to not cheat.

You’re looking for excuses. Just don’t cheat on your wife.

+1. You’re making it harder than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

I know some of my friends who still like sex with DH but none who say they are hot got him. My guess is you are a dude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever thought about whether you should make yourself more attractive, better in bed etc. so she didn't feel that way? Sometimes it's the wife but you should make sure it's not you. Also, cheating is unforgivable, good luck living with yourself

--wife who doesn't treat sex as a chore

This. Husbands can let themselves go, never do anything romantic, and be lousy in bed. But then they get angry when we won’t fall down on our backs like they are sex gods.

Stop with this fantasy that good husbands are showered with sex and only bad husbands go wanting. Husbands can also be perfectly good people, not become hideous, treat their wife and family well, and still not be the object of their wife's sexual desire.

I don’t agree.

The common thread I have seen on DCUM is a husband wants to have more sex than his wife and so he wants his wife to change to accommodate that. How often are women told we can’t change men?

Here’s what worked for me, and the only thing I’ve seen work among my peers:

Make your marriage a place where your wife’s sexuality is treated as a family priority. Proper recovery after childbirth (this is where Everyone I Know who stopped sleeping with her husband has a common factor: Insufficient recovery support), enough rest— physical but also mental, no one wants to switch gears from planning all the summer camp to going down on their husband— dedicated time for exercise in a format that she finds enjoyable, vacations where she isn’t the cruise director and she is as much “on vacation” as everyone else, not squeezed into a house with 13 other people while FIL waits for her to wash dishes.

And here’s the thing— that might mean making changes. That might mean the husband says no to vacations with his parents or starts waking up early on Saturday to take the kids to swim lessons. That’s ok. It’s ok to make changes to support a lifestyle you want. But people like the OP want to keep everything the same and expect the wife to suddenly want sex with him, while he’s clearly not putting in the minimum if he has time for affairs.

— wife who has sex with her wife 2x week and 2x day on vacations

amen, sister.. to all of this.

FYI - just cause you unloaded the dishwasher for a few days doesn't erase years of stress and resentment. It took years for that resentment to build up; it will a while for her to get over the resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

I know some of my friends who still like sex with DH but none who say they are hot got him. My guess is you are a dude

I believe it. If you're truly compatible that way, there almost no way to turn it off.

[Anonymous]

You break the cycle by not marrying the woman you're not compatible with.

[Anonymous]

OP, read his needs her needs.