Sister in Moscow - should I pressure her to leave

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the posts, but has anyone suggested now is a good time for them to come for a visit. If work is not there, she should have spare time to do a trip and bring her daughter and also the husband.

[Anonymous]

Sister has lived in Russia since 1993, close to 30 years. She may have lived in Russia longer than she lived in the US.
After 30 years of living somewhere the roots are strong.

What kind of passport does the daughter have? It may be difficult for the daughter to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read all the posts, but has anyone suggested now is a good time for them to come for a visit. If work is not there, she should have spare time to do a trip and bring her daughter and also the husband.

Is the husband a purse that she’s simply going to bring along? Does he have a green card or US citizenship? He has his own family there and if they don’t already hold US visitor visas there’s no chance they’re getting one now.

[Anonymous]

Your sister a Russian sympathizer. She is an adult and choosing to stay with her Putin loving in-laws. She knows what she is doing and you can’t help her.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it helps anyone, here's my family's passport situation:

My mother was a Canadian-Japanese citizen. She met our French-born father in Paris and they relocated to Vancouver, so we (the children) have EU citizenship, Canadian citizenship, and Japanese citizenship.

Most of my siblings and I have relocated to the US, so we also have US citizenship. My sister subsequently moved to Russia, and has Russian citizenship through her husband without relinquishing her other citizenships.

Yes, going through customs is a f--ing mess, and we have a million passports thanks to my messy parents. Yay.

Why is it a mess? Don't you present just one passport at customs? DW is dual citizen (US and an EU country) and she just uses the US passport all the time, unless entering her home country.

NP here. When you enter a country in which you are a citizen you must use that country’s passport. You cannot use your Canadian passport to enter the US if you’re a US citizen. You must use the US passport. You can’t walk up to the immigration counter at the airport and throw 5 different passports like you’re James Bond and just pick one.

So it’s not a mess. The OP or whoever poster is being dramatic. We are a family with multiple citizenships and that’s how it works.

Absolutely not true. My dad has British and Argentine citizenship and only travels on his American passport.

I thought you’re supposed to use the same passport for the same trip? An Irish/American coworker said that post-9/11 he has to travel only on his US passport when coming/going in the US as US Immigration looks for the stamp of entry to wherever he was coming from? Or maybe he just means it’s easier to do that versus show the Irish passport and the US one so they see the stamp?

This is true, and proves my point. He was an Irish citizen but entered Ireland with his US passport.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it helps anyone, here's my family's passport situation:

My mother was a Canadian-Japanese citizen. She met our French-born father in Paris and they relocated to Vancouver, so we (the children) have EU citizenship, Canadian citizenship, and Japanese citizenship.

Most of my siblings and I have relocated to the US, so we also have US citizenship. My sister subsequently moved to Russia, and has Russian citizenship through her husband without relinquishing her other citizenships.

Yes, going through customs is a f--ing mess, and we have a million passports thanks to my messy parents. Yay.

Why is it a mess? Don't you present just one passport at customs? DW is dual citizen (US and an EU country) and she just uses the US passport all the time, unless entering her home country.

NP here. When you enter a country in which you are a citizen you must use that country’s passport. You cannot use your Canadian passport to enter the US if you’re a US citizen. You must use the US passport. You can’t walk up to the immigration counter at the airport and throw 5 different passports like you’re James Bond and just pick one.

So it’s not a mess. The OP or whoever poster is being dramatic. We are a family with multiple citizenships and that’s how it works.

Absolutely not true. My dad has British and Argentine citizenship and only travels on his American passport.

I thought you’re supposed to use the same passport for the same trip? An Irish/American coworker said that post-9/11 he has to travel only on his US passport when coming/going in the US as US Immigration looks for the stamp of entry to wherever he was coming from? Or maybe he just means it’s easier to do that versus show the Irish passport and the US one so they see the stamp?

This is true, and proves my point. He was an Irish citizen but entered Ireland with his US passport.

I wrote this whole thing that got blown away. Argh! Short version: Basically my naturalized citizen parents did the same thing your dad did. But my naturalized citizen husband does what many posters here are discussing with 2 passports. You stated a number of worries and rules which are still not in place today.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

It's not too late though. I hope your sister and her kids get out of there.

You really think the Russian government is going to still let people leave? Especially their citizens? I would assume the borders are closed at this point.

No it is not for most citizens, however they don’t let some highly skilled professionals to leave like IT and I think soon scientists. So it will be similar to USSR. The problem for OPs sister would be her husband, at the moment russians can’t really open bank accounts in EU countries, just because they Russians. It’s a very difficult situation for russians who want to escape and west is not helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People staying in Russia are primarily going to suffer economically. If her in laws refuse to leave (or can’t since they have no residency rights in other countries), you could appeal to her desire to look after them. If she, her husband and child relocate elsewhere and find jobs, they can send money which will be much needed by the in-laws to survive the financial hardships ahead.

The problem is that you can’t send money anymore because all the systems supporting it pulled off. It’s pretty much Venezuela now in terms of sending money to help
Your relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People staying in Russia are primarily going to suffer economically. If her in laws refuse to leave (or can’t since they have no residency rights in other countries), you could appeal to her desire to look after them. If she, her husband and child relocate elsewhere and find jobs, they can send money which will be much needed by the in-laws to survive the financial hardships ahead.

The problem is that you can’t send money anymore because all the systems supporting it pulled off. It’s pretty much Venezuela now in terms of sending money to help
Your relatives.

You can still send bank transfers as long as it is not a sanctioned bank.

[Anonymous]

She is a grown woman who married a Russian and live in a country with an authoritarian government with which she must agree or she would have left long a go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear exactly what you and your family are offering here — beyond your evident worry and concern. In your situation, I would try to determine effectively what I could offer- sharing your home, financial cushioning or stability, help with job related issues, detailed information that could help with the process if her in-laws were willing and able to relocate….things like that, so your sister knows what resources she can count on as things change, going forward. Trying “to convince her” isn’t appropriate. Ensuring that she has the information and the resources and support to make an incredibly difficult set of decisions would be very loving. IMO

+1

[Anonymous]

Any updates from OP? Just curious to know now if the sister snd BIL are now more in favor of a trip aboard since Russian men are being sent to the front as cannon fodder.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to offer empathy for your situation. Everyone is criticizing your sister for not going sooner. We have a similarly complicated situation in our family, but in Hong Kong. Some left decades ago, some left during the handover, and some left 10 years ago. The ones who are still there are conflicted, and if anything, staying through the most recent changes makes it even harder to leave, not easier. I can’t explain it but I’m familiar with the mindset and it’s a constant conversation we have about cousins and aunts and uncles. We can’t talk to them directly about it anymore, which is really tough.

I do agree with others who suggested bringing the relatives over for a vacation. If that seems impossible, meet at a resort in Turkey, rent a house somewhere in the middle, anything. Even seeing them for a week or two is better than never again- but don’t say that. If nothing else, you can use the vacation to give them cash.

If there’s any situation where you can get the ILs to Canada or the US, I think you’ll find that the reality of how Russians are treated here is very different than how we talk about them politically. Reassure your SIL. I live in an area with lots of young Russian families and grandparents. It’s understood, for better or for worse, that we don’t talk about everything that’s happening.