Sister in Moscow - should I pressure her to leave

[Anonymous]

I have a sister, married to a Russian citizen, with a Russian daughter, who has been living in Moscow since 1993. She's long been employed by an US-based corporation that has announced it is suspending its operations in RU. She's lost access to most of her bank accounts and credit cards, and life is getting increasingly difficult for her.

I'd love to convince her to take her family to Europe or the US (we have EU citizenship as well as American), but she's stuck in place because she lives with her in-laws, who are Russian citizens and will not relocate. My family is in general freaking out, wondering when we'll be able to see her again, how safe she'll be, what she's doing to her professional reputation, etc., but on the other hand: it's her life, not ours.

What would you do in this situation? Back off and mind our own business, or continue to try to convince her to leave with her husband and child?

[Anonymous]

Just let her know you love her, are worried about her, and you're available to help if she wants to leave. It's her call.

[Anonymous]

Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

[Anonymous]

Yes she should leave, but it sounds like you've already told her that. Is it a money issue? Can you raise some funds from within the family, put them in an account, and tell her they exist for her to live on if she ever leaves?

If she just doesn't wanna, then I think you say, just once more, that you are extremely worried about her and her daughter. And that it will become increasingly difficult there and increasingly difficult to leave. End by saying you won't bring it up again but that any time she is ready to leave -- literally any time -- you will help and support her. If she needs money, a place to stay, a job, you will help her and you will never say "I told you to leave." Say it and mean it.

Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

[Anonymous]

You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

[Anonymous]

I’m not clear exactly what you and your family are offering here — beyond your evident worry and concern. In your situation, I would try to determine effectively what I could offer- sharing your home, financial cushioning or stability, help with job related issues, detailed information that could help with the process if her in-laws were willing and able to relocate….things like that, so your sister knows what resources she can count on as things change, going forward. Trying “to convince her” isn’t appropriate. Ensuring that she has the information and the resources and support to make an incredibly difficult set of decisions would be very loving. IMO

[Anonymous]

I would tell her "I want you to leave. I want you to take Niece and get out now while you can. I will help monetarily and with logistics. All you have to do is say the word. Please let me help you stay alive. Call or text any time day or night if it's a green-light on this. I love you and want you to live."

And then I'd cry worrying she wouldn't tell me to jump into action but I'd let her be. This has to be her decision.

[Anonymous]

Are you/your family in a position to host your sister/family if they'd like to come to the US? If so, tell her that you are willing to host.

It can be very tough for families b/c the working age people might want to leave for their own sakes and the sake of their children, but they also have parents or other elderly relatives for whom a move abroad is not practical or feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear exactly what you and your family are offering here — beyond your evident worry and concern. In your situation, I would try to determine effectively what I could offer- sharing your home, financial cushioning or stability, help with job related issues, detailed information that could help with the process if her in-laws were willing and able to relocate….things like that, so your sister knows what resources she can count on as things change, going forward. Trying “to convince her” isn’t appropriate. Ensuring that she has the information and the resources and support to make an incredibly difficult set of decisions would be very loving. IMO

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

It's not too late though. I hope your sister and her kids get out of there.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely keep trying and offer whatever practical assistance I could.