Sister in Moscow - should I pressure her to leave

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

It's not too late though. I hope your sister and her kids get out of there.

You really think the Russian government is going to still let people leave? Especially their citizens? I would assume the borders are closed at this point.

They are not closed right now.

My friend and her husband and toddler got out on March 10th. Not in a direct way, but with trains, fights, waiting, more trains and flights, but they got out. They left unwashed dishes in the sink and barely had time to ask a friend to pet-sit. When they got to their new location they immediately pulled all their money out of the bank.

Makes me sad about their pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

It's not too late though. I hope your sister and her kids get out of there.

You really think the Russian government is going to still let people leave? Especially their citizens? I would assume the borders are closed at this point.

Russia is allowing its citizens to leave, and there is no exit visa.

Besides, OPs sister has an EU passport also. She can leave on that for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell if leaving is a possibility here. Is Russia allowing citizens free travel out of the country at the moment? If so I'd tell her to get to Europe and I'd help her figure something out from there, including assisting financially. Is it possible for her family to come straight to the US? I'd tell her to get on the next plane moving and she could live in my house.

If she's not leaving because her daughter is a Russian citizen and therefore cannot leave, I would understand that and be terrified for her but not put extra pressure on her.

Peopel can leave Russia. Here's information on a double-daily train from St. Petersburg to Helsinki for example:
https://www.vr.fi/en/trains-to-russia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister, married to a Russian citizen, with a Russian daughter, who has been living in Moscow since 1993. She's long been employed by an US-based corporation that has announced it is suspending its operations in RU. She's lost access to most of her bank accounts and credit cards, and life is getting increasingly difficult for her.

I'd love to convince her to take her family to Europe or the US (we have EU citizenship as well as American), but she's stuck in place because she lives with her in-laws, who are Russian citizens and will not relocate. My family is in general freaking out, wondering when we'll be able to see her again, how safe she'll be, what she's doing to her professional reputation, etc., but on the other hand: it's her life, not ours.

What would you do in this situation? Back off and mind our own business, or continue to try to convince her to leave with her husband and child?

I would first make sure she's getting accurate information about the situation. Then I would suggest they come just for a "visit" without suggesting its a semi-permanent move. Then I would work to help source support and help for the MIL, even if its just getting her set up with other relatives for the "visit."

[Anonymous]

I would keep trying. No one should have to live under that tyrant, and without her own source of income she'll be more vulnerable. Also, with the ruble tanking, it will only get harder to leave as time passes.

[Anonymous]

People staying in Russia are primarily going to suffer economically. If her in laws refuse to leave (or can’t since they have no residency rights in other countries), you could appeal to her desire to look after them. If she, her husband and child relocate elsewhere and find jobs, they can send money which will be much needed by the in-laws to survive the financial hardships ahead.

[Anonymous]

Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP we are in the same boat except it is my brother. He has been there since graduating college and married my lovely SIL. Luckily my nephews had to return to school in late Jan here in US and my brother brought them over then stayed with my parents until mid-Feb. Things were looking bad so he decided to stay and tried to get my SIL to come but she has an elderly mother and disabled sister she didn't want to leave in Moscow. Things are so bad there now with the economy that she made her way to Korea on her US passport. It took her 4 days just to get there and then got on flight to US. My brother is now unemployed and any money they had in Russia is gone. He was smart in investing outside of Russia and will hopefully be ok but they need to send money back to my SIL's mother and sister since the Russian people are feeling the sanctions the most.

Until she really feels the pain she won't leave. I think like my SIL it will be the pressure to send money back to her inlaws which will make her leave.

wait, so your SIL is now in the US but her mother and sister are still in Russia?

Yes, try getting a visa to the US for a Russian citizen right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister, married to a Russian citizen, with a Russian daughter, who has been living in Moscow since 1993. She's long been employed by an US-based corporation that has announced it is suspending its operations in RU. She's lost access to most of her bank accounts and credit cards, and life is getting increasingly difficult for her.

I'd love to convince her to take her family to Europe or the US (we have EU citizenship as well as American), but she's stuck in place because she lives with her in-laws, who are Russian citizens and will not relocate. My family is in general freaking out, wondering when we'll be able to see her again, how safe she'll be, what she's doing to her professional reputation, etc., but on the other hand: it's her life, not ours.

What would you do in this situation? Back off and mind our own business, or continue to try to convince her to leave with her husband and child?

The question is whether her daughter has any other passports in addition to her Russian nationality. If she has no current EU or US passports, then sorry, she cannot leave. New visas aren’t being issued and American citizen services are no more. I would not leave without my child but you know your sister best. If her child has other passports, they can leave at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

OP here: Yes, this is exactly the case. My sister's FIL is a retired RU submarine captain with strong nationalistic tendencies. He and the MIL have no interest in leaving and, as far as I can tell (we are very hesitant with email communications), support Russia's war against Ukraine. But it is terrible to think that my sister is resigned to a life of economic hardship and isolation because of her inlaws' allegiances. It just sucks all around. I can't help her and so much want to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

OP here: Yes, this is exactly the case. My sister's FIL is a retired RU submarine captain with strong nationalistic tendencies. He and the MIL have no interest in leaving and, as far as I can tell (we are very hesitant with email communications), support Russia's war against Ukraine. But it is terrible to think that my sister is resigned to a life of economic hardship and isolation because of her inlaws' allegiances. It just sucks all around. I can't help her and so much want to help her.

But what does your sister think? Is she willing to leave the in laws behind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

OP here: Yes, this is exactly the case. My sister's FIL is a retired RU submarine captain with strong nationalistic tendencies. He and the MIL have no interest in leaving and, as far as I can tell (we are very hesitant with email communications), support Russia's war against Ukraine. But it is terrible to think that my sister is resigned to a life of economic hardship and isolation because of her inlaws' allegiances. It just sucks all around. I can't help her and so much want to help her.

But what does your sister think? Is she willing to leave the in laws behind?

Nope. She's not willing to leave them behind; neither is her husband. That's the crux of the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

OP here: Yes, this is exactly the case. My sister's FIL is a retired RU submarine captain with strong nationalistic tendencies. He and the MIL have no interest in leaving and, as far as I can tell (we are very hesitant with email communications), support Russia's war against Ukraine. But it is terrible to think that my sister is resigned to a life of economic hardship and isolation because of her inlaws' allegiances. It just sucks all around. I can't help her and so much want to help her.

But what does your sister think? Is she willing to leave the in laws behind?

Nope. She's not willing to leave them behind; neither is her husband. That's the crux of the issue.

Then it's not her inlaws allegiances, it's hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Russians are more resilient than us toward financial hardship. They are also deeply nationalistic and anti-western. My guess is that the parents and husband have no interest in leaving. All you can do is keep the communication gates open in case they do end up wanting some help.

OP here: Yes, this is exactly the case. My sister's FIL is a retired RU submarine captain with strong nationalistic tendencies. He and the MIL have no interest in leaving and, as far as I can tell (we are very hesitant with email communications), support Russia's war against Ukraine. But it is terrible to think that my sister is resigned to a life of economic hardship and isolation because of her inlaws' allegiances. It just sucks all around. I can't help her and so much want to help her.

But what does your sister think? Is she willing to leave the in laws behind?

Nope. She's not willing to leave them behind; neither is her husband. That's the crux of the issue.

Then it's not her inlaws allegiances, it's hers.

+1 op, if she’s already stated this to you, I’m not sure what you are hoping to accomplish. There is no ‘issue’. She has chosen to live there, marry someone there, and support her in laws there. I don’t understand the ‘issue’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

And? It’s her choice to remain there. Having a family there isn’t going to make her magically leave now.

This. It's like wanting to leave Nazi German in 1943. A little late now.

It's not too late though. I hope your sister and her kids get out of there.

The comparison to Germany in 1943 is because the citizens had no problem with all of the horrific policies until it started to personally affect them. Well too bad, you could have left anytime in the last ten years but looked the other way. Shameful.