Sister in Moscow - should I pressure her to leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister, married to a Russian citizen, with a Russian daughter, who has been living in Moscow since 1993. She's long been employed by an US-based corporation that has announced it is suspending its operations in RU. She's lost access to most of her bank accounts and credit cards, and life is getting increasingly difficult for her.

I'd love to convince her to take her family to Europe or the US (we have EU citizenship as well as American), but she's stuck in place because she lives with her in-laws, who are Russian citizens and will not relocate. My family is in general freaking out, wondering when we'll be able to see her again, how safe she'll be, what she's doing to her professional reputation, etc., but on the other hand: it's her life, not ours.

What would you do in this situation? Back off and mind our own business, or continue to try to convince her to leave with her husband and child?

I would beg and plead with her until I was blue in the face to leave with her child. The rest can stay. I hope and pray her child has her US passport.

As Putin becomes increasingly desperate people like your sister and her daughter will become his targets. She is a GD fool if she does not get out.

I would be very concerned about her safety ongoing with tensions building, as a US citizen in Russia. Try to convince her to come back to the US for a little bit so she can earn money and send it back. Make it sound temporary.

[Anonymous]

It’s not that easy with a child. If the husband doesn’t let the child go, she would have to go without the kid.

[Anonymous]

Lots of immature and useless “advice” being doled out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

+1

why do people lack so much compassion? Nobody could have predicted Putin would make such an insane decision to invade Ukraine and completely decimate his country's economy in the process. Nobody in the Western world (which includes Russia IMO) has experience in uprooting their lives and fleeing their homes, and so nobody expects or prepares to have to do that.

OP's sister has her entire life in Moscow. Her daughter's school, her work and her husband's work, neighbors, family, and a house they probably already invested a lot in financially and emotionally. It's not so easy for someone to just give up everything they know and everything they worked for. Especially for a future that is as uncertain outside Russia as it is becoming inside Russia. These are extremely big and painful decisions for families to make, and it doesn't help when some rude jerk on an Internet forum decides to pretend this is a video game instead of real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

+1

why do people lack so much compassion? Nobody could have predicted Putin would make such an insane decision to invade Ukraine and completely decimate his country's economy in the process. Nobody in the Western world (which includes Russia IMO) has experience in uprooting their lives and fleeing their homes, and so nobody expects or prepares to have to do that.

OP's sister has her entire life in Moscow. Her daughter's school, her work and her husband's work, neighbors, family, and a house they probably already invested a lot in financially and emotionally. It's not so easy for someone to just give up everything they know and everything they worked for. Especially for a future that is as uncertain outside Russia as it is becoming inside Russia. These are extremely big and painful decisions for families to make, and it doesn't help when some rude jerk on an Internet forum decides to pretend this is a video game instead of real life.

Putin has run a borderline fascist regime for almost two decades. Rampant homophobia, misogyny, no freedom of press or religion. He has invaded countries before. OP's sister and other Russians have looked the other way. Literally everyone saw this coming. If they have stayed it's because they have no problem with the policies until it stated to hurt them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

+1

why do people lack so much compassion? Nobody could have predicted Putin would make such an insane decision to invade Ukraine and completely decimate his country's economy in the process. Nobody in the Western world (which includes Russia IMO) has experience in uprooting their lives and fleeing their homes, and so nobody expects or prepares to have to do that.

OP's sister has her entire life in Moscow. Her daughter's school, her work and her husband's work, neighbors, family, and a house they probably already invested a lot in financially and emotionally. It's not so easy for someone to just give up everything they know and everything they worked for. Especially for a future that is as uncertain outside Russia as it is becoming inside Russia. These are extremely big and painful decisions for families to make, and it doesn't help when some rude jerk on an Internet forum decides to pretend this is a video game instead of real life.

Are you kidding? Everyone has known that he would do this. Everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister has had years to leave. It’s her choice to stay in that country. Let her be.

She has a family there.

+1

why do people lack so much compassion? Nobody could have predicted Putin would make such an insane decision to invade Ukraine and completely decimate his country's economy in the process. Nobody in the Western world (which includes Russia IMO) has experience in uprooting their lives and fleeing their homes, and so nobody expects or prepares to have to do that.

OP's sister has her entire life in Moscow. Her daughter's school, her work and her husband's work, neighbors, family, and a house they probably already invested a lot in financially and emotionally. It's not so easy for someone to just give up everything they know and everything they worked for. Especially for a future that is as uncertain outside Russia as it is becoming inside Russia. These are extremely big and painful decisions for families to make, and it doesn't help when some rude jerk on an Internet forum decides to pretend this is a video game instead of real life.

Are you kidding? Everyone has known that he would do this. Everyone.

As a heritage Russian speaker, former Soviet Union resident, I'm not sure that's true. This is one of those situations that is shocking, but not surprising, but also not entirely predictable. Taking Luhansk and Donetsk, predictable. Lobbing missiles at Lviv? Bombing clearly marked IDP centers? Reducing Mariupol to rubble? Targeting civilians standing in line for bread? This is shocking but not expected.

I'm the first to say that Russians should have stood up 10+ years ago to demand their freedom, back when such a thing was still possible, but I don't think any of them should have expected this, if only because it should have remained unimaginable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

Yeah, that's been covered, and so what. This is about OP's sister. But I can unequivocally say I would prioritize my sibling and the sibling's children's safety over that of my sibling's spouse or in-laws in this situation. I love my sibling's spouse. And I still know that the spouse would prioritize their children over themself and would want me to do everything for their children even if they were left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

Yeah, that's been covered, and so what. This is about OP's sister. But I can unequivocally say I would prioritize my sibling and the sibling's children's safety over that of my sibling's spouse or in-laws in this situation. I love my sibling's spouse. And I still know that the spouse would prioritize their children over themself and would want me to do everything for their children even if they were left behind.

So you prioritizing your sibling when they are prioritizing their own family doesn’t really do anything, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

PP here. I would 100% leave my husband behind in this situation if he did not want to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

Yeah, that's been covered, and so what. This is about OP's sister. But I can unequivocally say I would prioritize my sibling and the sibling's children's safety over that of my sibling's spouse or in-laws in this situation. I love my sibling's spouse. And I still know that the spouse would prioritize their children over themself and would want me to do everything for their children even if they were left behind.

So you prioritizing your sibling when they are prioritizing their own family doesn’t really do anything, does it?

Wow, huge debate point win there. Good for you.

To be clear, I am not OP. But if I was, I would say whatever I needed to say or do whatever I needed to do to make my sister comfortable to leave with her child, and we'll figure the rest out later. I mean that a million percent. It's just the way I'm wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

PP here. I would 100% leave my husband behind in this situation if he did not want to leave.

WHAT. Do people even value marriage nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do what the other pp have said. Tell her you are worried about her and her family. Tell you you will help her leave and will help her find a place to live. But if she decides to stay the offer is always available and that you will pray for all of her family (including her husband and in-laws)

If it was my sister then I'd do this plus offer her a place for her, her husband and her kids to live. I wouldn't be excited about hosting the in laws too, but if my sister asked, I'd say yes. But we have a large house with an in law suite.

I assume it will be impossible for Russians without another passport to get a visa to come to the US. I don't think the issue is OP's reluctance to host the inlaws but more likely that the inlaws can't land in any Western country at the moment?

Personally, I don't care about the in-laws or the husband, but I'm not the OP. I'd do or say whatever I needed to get my sister and niece out and figure out the rest.

You don’t think the sister might not want to leave her husband? Would you, in a similar situation?

PP here. I would 100% leave my husband behind in this situation if he did not want to leave.

WHAT. Do people even value marriage nowadays?

DP. I would think many if not most mothers would leave behind a spouse if necessary to save a child. I would hope most fathers would encourage their wives to take the child and get to safety. Goodness knows this is the choice plenty of Ukrainian families are making thanks to the Russian government. OP's sister would be nuts to pass up an opportunity to accept OP's help getting herself and her child out of the sinking ship mess that is Russia right now, and then work on getting the husband here too once the kid is at least safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it helps anyone, here's my family's passport situation:

My mother was a Canadian-Japanese citizen. She met our French-born father in Paris and they relocated to Vancouver, so we (the children) have EU citizenship, Canadian citizenship, and Japanese citizenship.

Most of my siblings and I have relocated to the US, so we also have US citizenship. My sister subsequently moved to Russia, and has Russian citizenship through her husband without relinquishing her other citizenships.

Yes, going through customs is a f--ing mess, and we have a million passports thanks to my messy parents. Yay.

Why is it a mess? Don't you present just one passport at customs? DW is dual citizen (US and an EU country) and she just uses the US passport all the time, unless entering her home country.

NP here. When you enter a country in which you are a citizen you must use that country’s passport. You cannot use your Canadian passport to enter the US if you’re a US citizen. You must use the US passport. You can’t walk up to the immigration counter at the airport and throw 5 different passports like you’re James Bond and just pick one.

So it’s not a mess. The OP or whoever poster is being dramatic. We are a family with multiple citizenships and that’s how it works.

Absolutely not true. My dad has British and Argentine citizenship and only travels on his American passport.

I thought you’re supposed to use the same passport for the same trip? An Irish/American coworker said that post-9/11 he has to travel only on his US passport when coming/going in the US as US Immigration looks for the stamp of entry to wherever he was coming from? Or maybe he just means it’s easier to do that versus show the Irish passport and the US one so they see the stamp?

My kids have Irish passports and they use the Irish passports when entering EU and American passports when returning. Most often when entering the EU they’ve already collected the luggage and waiting for me to go through the longer immigration line as I don’t have an EU passport and then we go through customs together