Can You Live A FulFilled Life Without Kids?

[Anonymous]

Having kids is the most stressful, disruptive, all encompassing thing ever — and I am forever grateful to have them. You will happily avoid many unpleasant moments if you don’t (sleeplessness, disorder, etc.), but I promise you that you will not regret having one or more as they reach 4+ years old. My children made me a better person. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having kids is the most stressful, disruptive, all encompassing thing ever — and I am forever grateful to have them. You will happily avoid many unpleasant moments if you don’t (sleeplessness, disorder, etc.), but I promise you that you will not regret having one or more as they reach 4+ years old. My children made me a better person. To each their own.

You absolutely cannot “promise” that. Many people *do* regret having kids. Most won’t admit it, or at least without the cover of an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think being childless when you are young is the way to go, but not after 35. My advice, have at least one!

We were very happily childfree when we were younger, but after our late 30's, we needed something more than pets and travel. Having kids added more fun and love into our family. We got to do all kinds of new stuff with kids. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, but as you get older you will appreciate the blessing of being a parent - and a grand!

Your child is not some accessory you decide to have when you’re “ bored”. That is a real human being that you have to raise. Please don’t listen to this advice, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids is the most stressful, disruptive, all encompassing thing ever — and I am forever grateful to have them. You will happily avoid many unpleasant moments if you don’t (sleeplessness, disorder, etc.), but I promise you that you will not regret having one or more as they reach 4+ years old. My children made me a better person. To each their own.

You absolutely cannot “promise” that. Many people *do* regret having kids. Most won’t admit it, or at least without the cover of an anonymous forum.

Wait until your kid is a teenager. The no regret will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids is the most stressful, disruptive, all encompassing thing ever — and I am forever grateful to have them. You will happily avoid many unpleasant moments if you don’t (sleeplessness, disorder, etc.), but I promise you that you will not regret having one or more as they reach 4+ years old. My children made me a better person. To each their own.

You absolutely cannot “promise” that. Many people *do* regret having kids. Most won’t admit it, or at least without the cover of an anonymous forum.

+1. My kids are older. I would have been happier without kids. I love them but I would have preferred a childless life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

How is that selfish?

It’s not selfish. They are speaking like a true breeder.

Selfish is bringing children into the world just because society told you to do so.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have great careers, financially stable, our marriage is solid, etc. All of the things you want and hope for you have a child. That being said, we just can’t really decide. There are times when we see friends having kids or play with nieces and nephews and are like “ we want one” but then the moment is over when the baby starts screaming or the toddler throws a tantrum. It’s turns to “ I want one” to relief I don’t have to do it.

We love our lifestyle. We travel and enjoy hobbies. We love sleeping in and being able to go to lunch on a whim or go to dinner without needing to worry about schedules or kids. We have babysat many times for family and have been exhausted and so glad for a quiet house after they leave. We love them and love spending them with them but neither of us can deal with the loud yelling and constant need for attention that kids require.

We both feeling like us not having a strong desire means we shouldn’t have kids, but there is a small part that worries we might change our minds down the road. I’m 35 and don’t have a bunch of time if we want kids. We are leaning towards not having kids and I just wanted to get some perspective from couples who love having a child free life.

I think you should not have kids. We had kids because, as a PP said, we had our fill of that lifestyle in our first few years of marriage so it was easy to move on to a more kid-centric lifestyle. But if would feel it is a sacrifice to give it up then you should not.

That being said, I love my kid-centric lifestyle 95% of the time but sorely miss my previous life the other 5%!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Really! Why would you not have wanted them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids and a large part of me regrets it. That is worse.

Some of my closest friends are child-free couples and they live great, fulfilled, complete lives. Many have kids in their life tangentially which is enough for them — ie being aunts and uncles, occasionally seeing their friends’ kids, etc.

Why do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

This rates pretty low on the selfishness scale, if at all.

As a mother of two under 5, I got jealous reading that post! I would love to have a month of that, and then have my kids delivered back safe and sound

[Anonymous]

If you like having a house that is clean, organized + tidy all the time then yes, you can be fulfilled.

Same if you would like money to travel anywhere your heart desires + if you value a good night’s sleep. 👏🏽

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

This rates pretty low on the selfishness scale, if at all.

As a mother of two under 5, I got jealous reading that post! I would love to have a month of that, and then have my kids delivered back safe and sound

It’s not selfish but that sounds like an incredibly shallow life to me.

[Anonymous]

We dated for 5 years and were married and childless of 6 years. It was wonderful. Becoming parents changes you and it is a big committment. Every single sucky thing you have ever heard about parenting is true. But the things that are wonderful and sublime, there is no way for someone to tell you that.

We wanted to become parents after 11 years and when we did have our babies, we were heads over heels in love with them. Our marriage became stronger and my kids are my pride and joy. Every single stage has been wonderful...from babyhood to teenage years to their 20s.

I used to feel so choked up with love for them that I asked my mom, "When do they stop being so darn cute?". My mom said "Oh around 5 yrs old!!" My eldest is 25 and still so gosh darn cute and lovely!!! My youngest is a teen and my heart starts singing when I see him. Parenting and being married to my DH - easy, joyful, loving, fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely - mom of two older kids here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We dated for 5 years and were married and childless of 6 years. It was wonderful. Becoming parents changes you and it is a big committment. Every single sucky thing you have ever heard about parenting is true. But the things that are wonderful and sublime, there is no way for someone to tell you that.

We wanted to become parents after 11 years and when we did have our babies, we were heads over heels in love with them. Our marriage became stronger and my kids are my pride and joy. Every single stage has been wonderful...from babyhood to teenage years to their 20s.

I used to feel so choked up with love for them that I asked my mom, "When do they stop being so darn cute?". My mom said "Oh around 5 yrs old!!" My eldest is 25 and still so gosh darn cute and lovely!!! My youngest is a teen and my heart starts singing when I see him. Parenting and being married to my DH - easy, joyful, loving, fulfilling.

Continuing...
However, marriage and parenting are also huge stressors for most people. I feel that I was the extremely lucky person and my DH and kids are pieces of my soul and I felt complete with them. There is nothing worse than a bad marriage and kids who are arguing with you. Majority of the world is like that. More people are unhappy in their marriages and unhappy with their parenting. They feel stripped of many life choices.

I think the people who want to remain childless are very pragmatic and I have huge respect for people who choose not to have children and instead focus on having a peaceful life. I 100% feel that people can be very fulfilled and have very meaningful lives without kids and even without marriage.

There is nothing lacking in one's life if they are childless by choice. There is also no need to have children so that they will look after you in your old age. You can take care of it yourself.