Can You Live A FulFilled Life Without Kids?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are on the fence about having kids. We don’t have a strong desire to have them but we do worry we regret them when it’s too late to have them. We are leaning more towards not having them since we can’t undo that once we have kids. We can see ourselves with a baby and toddler but the thought of raising a kid for life and dealing with teenagers is so unappealing and not something we are sure we want to do. We are very happy and have hobbies that keep us active and busy. There is still this one slim worry that we will wake up 5 years from now and want kids and it will be too late. I know it’s better to not have and potentially regret to have and regret. I worry years from now we won’t have kids to bond over and that our marriage may become lonely. Are childless couples really happy? If you were on the fence, what did you choose and do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

I know many couples that are childless by choice. They are all happy and fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can be happy without kids. Personally, I had them because I enjoy them, and because I figured the pause of my hobbies would be temporary. It's been about 10 years since my oldest was born and we are now doing those hobbies together, and I have more time for doing things on my own as well. The intense part of young children is short. I like how it gives the different decades of my life more variety, I think I would get tired of the no-kids lifestyle.

I really enjoy the community of other parents as well. It has brought a lot of friendship into my life. Maybe not forever-friends, but nice fun people who care.

[Anonymous]

Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

It's exactly like getting a Ph.D. - it only makes sense if you can't think of any other way to be happy. It's just too much work otherwise.

If both of you can envision a happy other path, go for it! A childless couple can absolutely be happy.

[Anonymous]

We chose not to have kids. We are aunts and uncles to five children who we love dearly, and are involved in their lives.

We're very happy and have never regretted our choice.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can. And it’s better to not have children if you are on the fence than to have children you resent. There are plenty of ways to positively impact the life of child. You can be the world’s greatest aunt/uncle/godparent, you can be a mentor and volunteer at schools or community centers. There is not just this one way to be a family.

[Anonymous]

Yes, though I think it helps to take on something to nurture, even if that something is your career or a political cause. It's hard to be fulfilled with just personal pleasures of vacations, restaurants, gym visits and bars.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to have kids to have a fulfilling life. But we found it to be one of the best if not the best parts of life, despite all the work, and my husband was on the fence. From watching my friends, it looks like having one is a lot more manageable than two or three, so that's a possible compromise. Also think about being childless in your 30s vs not having close family in your 60s, 70s, and 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can. And it’s better to not have children if you are on the fence than to have children you resent. There are plenty of ways to positively impact the life of child. You can be the world’s greatest aunt/uncle/godparent, you can be a mentor and volunteer at schools or community centers. There is not just this one way to be a family.

One more thing, you will have disposable income that parents dream of. Just make sure you have the funds and your wishes well documented for your old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are on the fence about having kids. We don’t have a strong desire to have them but we do worry we regret them when it’s too late to have them. We are leaning more towards not having them since we can’t undo that once we have kids. We can see ourselves with a baby and toddler but the thought of raising a kid for life and dealing with teenagers is so unappealing and not something we are sure we want to do. We are very happy and have hobbies that keep us active and busy. There is still this one slim worry that we will wake up 5 years from now and want kids and it will be too late. I know it’s better to not have and potentially regret to have and regret. I worry years from now we won’t have kids to bond over and that our marriage may become lonely. Are childless couples really happy? If you were on the fence, what did you choose and do you regret it?

Having kids because you may regret some point down the road is no reason to have kids. Please don't.

[Anonymous]

I have kids but I think I would have been more fulfilled without them. I mean, I love them and am glad I have them, but I wouldn’t call this “fulfilling.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's exactly like getting a Ph.D. - it only makes sense if you can't think of any other way to be happy. It's just too much work otherwise.

If both of you can envision a happy other path, go for it! A childless couple can absolutely be happy.

This.

If you are really worried about getting too old and missing your opportunity to have kids, you can always freeze your eggs.

[Anonymous]

No. You can't. At least not after age 70

[Anonymous]

I had my kid late in life and I'm happy, but I have no doubt I could have also been very happy childless. I know plenty of childless older people who are very happy. I think more than having children per se it's being tied into a network of family and friends generally that keeps us all mentally healthy and connected.