What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is proof positive of why men die earlier.

They need to get away from all of the nasty, horrible women they're married to. Better to die than live with these nasty shrews.

😂😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

The bigger issue is that raising children and taking care of the home is work. Two working parents means three jobs total. Due to cultural factors, women get stuck with the second shift.

WAGES FOR HOUSEWORK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand this term "mental" load, maybe menial load, physical load, but mental - no, that's not right.

Then clearly you aren't doing the mental work keeping life moving for yourself and several other human beings and an animal or two, plus all relatives of said humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

It's much easier if you are single. It's why life is easier if your H travels ALOT!

The problem is that if you have 2 parents, then 2 parents are suppose to parent.

Also, often the other parent has 1/2 the load, they just don't do it. So you are always picking up the slack.

I just do it all and don't expect anything and I'm much happier than women who expect their H's to actually talk to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

If this isn’t hard for you, you are either superdad or crummy at your job and at parenting.

Do you always think in such binary terms?

I'm no "superdad" but I am a good, if imperfect one.

I'm a top performer at work in a senior executive role.

My kids are older teens now and I've taught them to take on more responsibility for themselves. They make their own doctors and dental appointments now, for example and even go alone unless I am required to be there because they are minors. They know the birthdays of their family members. They also know when bills are due (contribute to their phone and car insurance expenses) and each kid prepares one family meal per week (DD1 has Tuesdays and DD2 does Thursdays).

I guided DD1 on college applications, but served more as a consultant and adviser -- she did it all herself.

DD2 initiated her driving behind the wheel tests.

If they need permission slips or early dismissals, they talk to me and we get it done.

Again, some of this is tedious, but it's not really HARD, let alone mentally taxing.

Well duh, because your kids are old enough that they could take up the slack. If they were in elementary school, your life would be very different. Why on earth would you weigh in on this when the women complaining aren’t talking about high school kids? Guess what? Parenting will be even easier for you when your kids are in their 40s, but it will still be challenging for parents of toddlers.

Dud is slacking off on the job of parenting teens and manages to pat himself on the back for it. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

The mental load placed on women is perpetuated by gender-based expectations of a variety of parties, from parents, to health care providers to school staff, which always call the mother any time there is a problem at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

If this isn’t hard for you, you are either superdad or crummy at your job and at parenting.

Do you always think in such binary terms?

I'm no "superdad" but I am a good, if imperfect one.

I'm a top performer at work in a senior executive role.

My kids are older teens now and I've taught them to take on more responsibility for themselves. They make their own doctors and dental appointments now, for example and even go alone unless I am required to be there because they are minors. They know the birthdays of their family members. They also know when bills are due (contribute to their phone and car insurance expenses) and each kid prepares one family meal per week (DD1 has Tuesdays and DD2 does Thursdays).

I guided DD1 on college applications, but served more as a consultant and adviser -- she did it all herself.

DD2 initiated her driving behind the wheel tests.

If they need permission slips or early dismissals, they talk to me and we get it done.

Again, some of this is tedious, but it's not really HARD, let alone mentally taxing.

Well duh, because your kids are old enough that they could take up the slack. If they were in elementary school, your life would be very different. Why on earth would you weigh in on this when the women complaining aren’t talking about high school kids? Guess what? Parenting will be even easier for you when your kids are in their 40s, but it will still be challenging for parents of toddlers.

Dud is slacking off on the job of parenting teens and manages to pat himself on the back for it. Ugh.

Perhaps you should stop trying to make your own life harder just so you can pat yourself on the back for how hard it was. Teaching kids to do things for themselves and letting them do so isn't slacking off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is proof positive of why men die earlier.

They need to get away from all of the nasty, horrible women they're married to. Better to die than live with these nasty shrews.

That would be perfect! If you don’t believe in the existence of the existence of a mental load that women disproportionally bear, and you take yourself out of the dating pool, you won’t waste the time of women trying to find a good partner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

It's much easier if you are single. It's why life is easier if your H travels ALOT!

The problem is that if you have 2 parents, then 2 parents are suppose to parent.

Also, often the other parent has 1/2 the load, they just don't do it. So you are always picking up the slack.

I just do it all and don't expect anything and I'm much happier than women who expect their H's to actually talk to their kids.

+1. There’s no resentment if you’re doing it all on your own. I have 3 kids and I’ve been both a SAHM and a WOHM, and it was 1000x easier to not care about the mental load when I was staying at home. When I worked, DH stepped up a lot, but there’s still things he didn’t think about that I was responsible for managing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hearing this term so much on this board recently. There's a thread about how women are unhappy in their marriages because of the unequal distribution of the "mental load" with their husbands. Another thread in the Family section describes how stressful the holidays are because of the "mental load." And on and on. I've never heard this term until a few months back on this site. Is this just a new buzzword?

Yes. They got tired of their mothers referring to them as weak sisters and came up with a term that aligns more with the homeless who use mentally ill to cover addiction and alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

If this isn’t hard for you, you are either superdad or crummy at your job and at parenting.

Do you always think in such binary terms?

I'm no "superdad" but I am a good, if imperfect one.

I'm a top performer at work in a senior executive role.

My kids are older teens now and I've taught them to take on more responsibility for themselves. They make their own doctors and dental appointments now, for example and even go alone unless I am required to be there because they are minors. They know the birthdays of their family members. They also know when bills are due (contribute to their phone and car insurance expenses) and each kid prepares one family meal per week (DD1 has Tuesdays and DD2 does Thursdays).

I guided DD1 on college applications, but served more as a consultant and adviser -- she did it all herself.

DD2 initiated her driving behind the wheel tests.

If they need permission slips or early dismissals, they talk to me and we get it done.

Again, some of this is tedious, but it's not really HARD, let alone mentally taxing.

Well duh, because your kids are old enough that they could take up the slack. If they were in elementary school, your life would be very different. Why on earth would you weigh in on this when the women complaining aren’t talking about high school kids? Guess what? Parenting will be even easier for you when your kids are in their 40s, but it will still be challenging for parents of toddlers.

Dud is slacking off on the job of parenting teens and manages to pat himself on the back for it. Ugh.

Perhaps you should stop trying to make your own life harder just so you can pat yourself on the back for how hard it was. Teaching kids to do things for themselves and letting them do so isn't slacking off.

I’m not PP. I noticed that the single dad avoided saying anything he did actually did do except for consulting on college applications. He said that his kids knew the birthdays of family members. Why does that matter? Are they reminding him to buy gifts? Are they buying gifts? Who is sending the gifts? He also didn’t address the Christmas card thing. Who is doing that? He said the kids make a meal once a week each. Great. What is the meal plan for the rest of the days?

So I think technically nothing that he says means he is slacking off, but he is not saying anything about what he actually does, except outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mental load placed on women is perpetuated by gender-based expectations of a variety of parties, from parents, to health care providers to school staff, which always call the mother any time there is a problem at school.

If you aren’t smart enough to give them only your spose’s name and number, you deserve it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger issue is that raising children and taking care of the home is work. Two working parents means three jobs total. Due to cultural factors, women get stuck with the second shift.

WAGES FOR HOUSEWORK

Curious why you married. You seem very bitter in the role you voluntarily entered into

[Anonymous]

Just divide them
DH is responsible for meals, homework and after school activities along with all the associated mental loads
I usually help with cooking some nights
I am responsible for appointments, vacations planning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mental load placed on women is perpetuated by gender-based expectations of a variety of parties, from parents, to health care providers to school staff, which always call the mother any time there is a problem at school.

If you aren’t smart enough to give them only your spose’s name and number, you deserve it

They have both, as they should.