Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good:

Breathtakingly stunning. Tall, dark, and handsome.
Full, thick, luxurious hair with no signs of losing it and no excessive body hair.
Perfect balance of muscular and lean.
Highly involved father, including with my child from a previous marriage. Truly loves being a dad.
One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Knows everything, always wins trivia night.
Hilarious and thinks I am, too.
High sex drive without being creepy or pushy. Similar sexual interests.
Giving and generous in bed, listens to what I want and doesn’t make me feel bad about it.
Loving, emotionally intelligent, a caregiver.
Engaged. Would rather spend time with me and the kids than on a screen.
Same hobbies as me, so we get to do them together (and as a family).
Good with our dogs, does a huge portion of their care.
Has a bunch of weird little quirks I find so endearing (that I don’t want to name because people would definitely recognize him, ha)

The Bad:

Takes FOREVER to do anything. I have to lie about when we need to leave for things, if I say 6pm he won’t be ready until 7-730. Or takes three hours to clean one room.
Night owl while I’m an early bird. So I often find myself staying up later than I’d like (and feeling sleep deprived) so we can spend time together, but he’ll rarely get up early for me (says he will but sleeps in anyway).
Underachiever. SO smart but intimidated to get a degree. Happy with a mediocre job with mediocre pay. Not bad pay or a bad job, but not what he’d really love to be doing. But, it does give him amazing work-life balance, which we both prefer anyway.
Very different tastes in movies and shows, so we can never find anything to watch. He’s very artsy and likes weird things, I just like regular ol’ entertainment that doesn’t make me think too hard.

How would we recognize him if has a mediocre job/career?

Sounds like maybe he's recognizable for a quirk or hobby of some kind? Now I'm curious what that is!

Artsy and into weird things with weird little quirks. Tall, dark, handsome, stunning. Mediocre job with mediocre pay. Kids and dogs.

Politics?

[Anonymous]

Good earner - 300k
Frugal, good saver, but very generous with gifts. Worried about what others will think so will go overboard with gifts sometimes
Very negative, always imagining worst case scenarios or looking for bad intentions in others. This gets amplified under stress and even goes into paranoia territory. Short tempered under stress. I think he has untreated anxiety.
When not under stress, can be funny, good sense of humor
Good in bed
In decent shape, handsome, but not athletic
Dependable and punctual, can be counted on in an emergency
Doesn’t clean or do laundry, cooks very rarely
Doesn’t plan any vacations, family or kid activities
Not an involved father, prefers spending time working on his own hobbies
Introvert, doesn’t like to socialize or go out
Good at money management and financial planning
Enjoys hiking and traveling as long as it’s not to a crowded destination

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?

Sorry I should had added that I'm a (straight) woman, just playing along with the game. I probably have a lower libido than an average man so the low libido didn't stand out to me. I wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage.

Got it.

I think most men would prefer to be married to an unorganized slob with a high libido than this guy's wife, but if you are low libido she sounds great

As an unorganized slob with a high libido, I really want to believe this is true, but I am not sure.

I am a high earning man and super involved father and attractive and I would trade my overachieving wife who has zero libido for you

What's the point of a zero libido spouse? I'd rather be cheated on.

The *point* of a zero-libido spouse?

I mean, if you think of the purpose of a spouse as somebody to have sex with, I guess nothing. And for what it’s worth, i say I have a high libido but around you I’m sure my desire would die.

Agree, but then again most of the idea of listing these things fall into a less extreme but similar category (hair? size of body? amt of money)? I rarely have felt so smug when reading anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good earner - 300k
Frugal, good saver, but very generous with gifts. Worried about what others will think so will go overboard with gifts sometimes
Very negative, always imagining worst case scenarios or looking for bad intentions in others. This gets amplified under stress and even goes into paranoia territory. Short tempered under stress. I think he has untreated anxiety.
When not under stress, can be funny, good sense of humor
Good in bed
In decent shape, handsome, but not athletic
Dependable and punctual, can be counted on in an emergency
Doesn’t clean or do laundry, cooks very rarely
Doesn’t plan any vacations, family or kid activities
Not an involved father, prefers spending time working on his own hobbies
Introvert, doesn’t like to socialize or go out
Good at money management and financial planning
Enjoys hiking and traveling as long as it’s not to a crowded destination

Out. He sounds like a good person but the negativity combined with being an uninvolved father are dealbreakers for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Good
Very Cute in a classic way, sexy, great in bed, thick head of dark hair in late 50's, loyal, a wonderful, very involved father, a great cook who cooks nightly, handy around the house (did all the Christmas decorating), a decent earner , has supported my demanding career both during my schooling and beyond, for over two decades, has many friends, is devoted and solid, loves me deeply, is wonderful to my parents and family, volunteers in the community and is very well liked by most who know him, fun, extroverted, a good friend, committed to our marriage, open to new things.
The not so good
A short fuse (sometimes directed at us as his family if we are messy, very short lived but not fun), can be a drama queen, gets excited and activated pretty easily by things like politics, thin skinned if he feels attacked, can be defensive, overspends to impress friends, a bit of a hedonist (enjoys food and parties and drinking), less self disciplined than I would prefer, lax about his health sometimes.

I'd probably say in on this one but I'd want more information about some of your negative things first. Hedonist about drinking could be fine or it could be a major problem, depending on what exactly you mean. Lax about health would be a concern as we got old together, again depending on what exactly you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?

Sorry I should had added that I'm a (straight) woman, just playing along with the game. I probably have a lower libido than an average man so the low libido didn't stand out to me. I wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage.

Got it.

I think most men would prefer to be married to an unorganized slob with a high libido than this guy's wife, but if you are low libido she sounds great

As an unorganized slob with a high libido, I really want to believe this is true, but I am not sure.

I am a high earning man and super involved father and attractive and I would trade my overachieving wife who has zero libido for you

What's the point of a zero libido spouse? I'd rather be cheated on.

The *point* of a zero-libido spouse?

I mean, if you think of the purpose of a spouse as somebody to have sex with, I guess nothing. And for what it’s worth, i say I have a high libido but around you I’m sure my desire would die.

Agree, but then again most of the idea of listing these things fall into a less extreme but similar category (hair? size of body? amt of money)? I rarely have felt so smug when reading anything.

I listed those things when I posted about my spouse, not because I especially care about them but because I thought the point was the list all the thing you think might matter to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good:

Breathtakingly stunning. Tall, dark, and handsome.
Full, thick, luxurious hair with no signs of losing it and no excessive body hair.
Perfect balance of muscular and lean.
Highly involved father, including with my child from a previous marriage. Truly loves being a dad.
One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Knows everything, always wins trivia night.
Hilarious and thinks I am, too.
High sex drive without being creepy or pushy. Similar sexual interests.
Giving and generous in bed, listens to what I want and doesn’t make me feel bad about it.
Loving, emotionally intelligent, a caregiver.
Engaged. Would rather spend time with me and the kids than on a screen.
Same hobbies as me, so we get to do them together (and as a family).
Good with our dogs, does a huge portion of their care.
Has a bunch of weird little quirks I find so endearing (that I don’t want to name because people would definitely recognize him, ha)

The Bad:

Takes FOREVER to do anything. I have to lie about when we need to leave for things, if I say 6pm he won’t be ready until 7-730. Or takes three hours to clean one room.
Night owl while I’m an early bird. So I often find myself staying up later than I’d like (and feeling sleep deprived) so we can spend time together, but he’ll rarely get up early for me (says he will but sleeps in anyway).
Underachiever. SO smart but intimidated to get a degree. Happy with a mediocre job with mediocre pay. Not bad pay or a bad job, but not what he’d really love to be doing. But, it does give him amazing work-life balance, which we both prefer anyway.
Very different tastes in movies and shows, so we can never find anything to watch. He’s very artsy and likes weird things, I just like regular ol’ entertainment that doesn’t make me think too hard.

In. Taking forever to do things would annoy me a lot but not a dealbreaker. Everything else sounds great.

He is pretty great and I wouldn’t trade him for anything I’ve just had to adjust my expectations on the time thing and sometimes draw some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Good
Very Cute in a classic way, sexy, great in bed, thick head of dark hair in late 50's, loyal, a wonderful, very involved father, a great cook who cooks nightly, handy around the house (did all the Christmas decorating), a decent earner , has supported my demanding career both during my schooling and beyond, for over two decades, has many friends, is devoted and solid, loves me deeply, is wonderful to my parents and family, volunteers in the community and is very well liked by most who know him, fun, extroverted, a good friend, committed to our marriage, open to new things.
The not so good
A short fuse (sometimes directed at us as his family if we are messy, very short lived but not fun), can be a drama queen, gets excited and activated pretty easily by things like politics, thin skinned if he feels attacked, can be defensive, overspends to impress friends, a bit of a hedonist (enjoys food and parties and drinking), less self disciplined than I would prefer, lax about his health sometimes.

I'd probably say in on this one but I'd want more information about some of your negative things first. Hedonist about drinking could be fine or it could be a major problem, depending on what exactly you mean. Lax about health would be a concern as we got old together, again depending on what exactly you mean.

So That was my husband i posted about above. He drinks at mild levels, I am two steps from being a puritan (not really, but kind of...😃, i don't drink at all, am pretty disciplined and health conscious) so to me any drinking feels sort of unwanted. (Sexually, my drive is higher, we meet in the middle). The health thing is both good and bad...he definitely drags his feet going to the doctor but when I insist, he goes. We take care of each other in different ways. I'm in it to the end with the guy, flaws and all. I am very straight arrow for a guy this extroverted and social so I appreciate his love and acceptance of me. He probably had a lot of other options quite frankly.

[Anonymous]

Did the phrase “gorgeous privates” bother anyone else???

[Anonymous]

Smart
Quick sense of humor
Artistically talented
Quick and often cruel temper, often directed at me
50 pounds overweight
Won't see doctor
Won't see dentist
No sex in several years
Quit high-earning job years ago because of stress
Won't discuss saving for retirement
Enjoys buying expensive things
I am main breadwinner

I am noping out of this in the coming weeks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

We are married to the same woman. It sucks

Women would see my AP and say I affaires down because my wife is so beautiful and accomplished on paper but she is asexual. It's like the cruel twighlight zone movie where the guy has all the books in the world but his reading glasses broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very Pretty
Very good body
Dedicated Mother to the point where she can not say no and does everything for kids. Kids are becoming miserable to be around, example walking into places with no masks on or masks below the chin. We live in an area with mask mandate, mom thinks its funny. Kids on phone all the time, don't do homework, disrespectful to teachers, see sees this as showing strength and independence.
Wakes up complaining, goes to bed complaining.
Sex life is non existent.
Works from home, goes to gym, nails, shopping and such during the day so that when the kids come home she can complain about how she is always "stuck" at her desk working.
Maxes out every credit card available, spends all the money in any accounts she has access to.
Good cook.
Keeps the house clean, basically a maid to the kids. I cook and clean up also, but I am not a maid to the kids, I make them clean up rooms, bring laundry down and such. We also have housekeepers come 1 x a week to do a deep clean.
Only shows interest in me when discussing money and planning things like purchases or vacations.

Can I ask what you brought to this marriage and what drew you to her besides her good looks and body?

When life is easy, relationships are easy. She was attractive, fun, confident, caring, had a full time job, we clicked. 20 years later, everything is an argument, literally everything and for no reason, if I order delivery groceries and they bring the wrong toilet paper it is an all day belittlement. Kids needs and education are priority for me, 3 kids in private school and my goal is to put 3 kids through college with zero debt. Not easy in this area, especially when the Jone's are getting help from the parents on both sides and possessions are how my wife gauges her happiness. We have a few friends that have had very serious financial success, private jets very, very nice second homes, net worth in the 100's of millions. She thinks this is normal and lets me know that I am basically a failure because we live in a 7500 sf house and fly Southwest. Its truly painful, I have had a stay-in-it-for-the-kids attitude, but that is gone. I am done. Get through the holidays and go. In two years I will have a modest home on the chesapeake bay and none of her drama, life will be lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very Pretty
Very good body
Dedicated Mother to the point where she can not say no and does everything for kids. Kids are becoming miserable to be around, example walking into places with no masks on or masks below the chin. We live in an area with mask mandate, mom thinks its funny. Kids on phone all the time, don't do homework, disrespectful to teachers, see sees this as showing strength and independence.
Wakes up complaining, goes to bed complaining.
Sex life is non existent.
Works from home, goes to gym, nails, shopping and such during the day so that when the kids come home she can complain about how she is always "stuck" at her desk working.
Maxes out every credit card available, spends all the money in any accounts she has access to.
Good cook.
Keeps the house clean, basically a maid to the kids. I cook and clean up also, but I am not a maid to the kids, I make them clean up rooms, bring laundry down and such. We also have housekeepers come 1 x a week to do a deep clean.
Only shows interest in me when discussing money and planning things like purchases or vacations.

Can I ask what you brought to this marriage and what drew you to her besides her good looks and body?

When life is easy, relationships are easy. She was attractive, fun, confident, caring, had a full time job, we clicked. 20 years later, everything is an argument, literally everything and for no reason, if I order delivery groceries and they bring the wrong toilet paper it is an all day belittlement. Kids needs and education are priority for me, 3 kids in private school and my goal is to put 3 kids through college with zero debt. Not easy in this area, especially when the Jone's are getting help from the parents on both sides and possessions are how my wife gauges her happiness. We have a few friends that have had very serious financial success, private jets very, very nice second homes, net worth in the 100's of millions. She thinks this is normal and lets me know that I am basically a failure because we live in a 7500 sf house and fly Southwest. Its truly painful, I have had a stay-in-it-for-the-kids attitude, but that is gone. I am done. Get through the holidays and go. In two years I will have a modest home on the chesapeake bay and none of her drama, life will be lovely.

Wowza. I am sorry you are going through this. It’s sad to read about someone being so consumed by envy and with little gratitude or perspective.

[Anonymous]

The good:
High integrity, loyal, honest, trustworthy
Generous with time and money
Great cook
Great in bed, aims to please
Life of the party, fun to be around
Intelligent, well-informed
Loves to travel, eat out, hear live music
High earner

The not so good:
Used to be an athlete, now 40 lbs overweight, beer belly
Not emotionally available
Hard worker at work/lazy, willfully clueless at home
Can be controlling/bullying when angry or stressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good looking and fit enough
High earner $500-$600k with a schedule that can be unpredictable and involved working some holidays and weekends but works mostly 7am-4pm weekdays
Intelligent, educated, cultured, worldly, keeps up with currents events and prefers classical music
Speaks several languages
Loves dogs
Cooks well but seldom does it and spends a lot of money on restaurants
Favorite things to spend on are restaurants, 5-star hotels and alcohol.
Skilled in bed, gorgeous privates, enjoys giving oral
Spends time engaged with DCs in activities they enjoy
Never tires of listening to himself talk and at times will not stop talking
Disrespectful, insulting to people deemed inferior which is often me
Commanding and controlling, demands behaviors and angry and insulting when not done or done “correctly”
Refuses to buy a house or save for college
Drinks up to ten drinks a day on weekends and several every evening
Won’t spend time with my family or friends, only his.

100% OUT