Who pays for the date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The man pays for everything relating to the date - dinner, drinks, sports tickets, snacks, peanuts, parking, tips, gas, everything. The woman's job is to look her best, have fun, and be a great companion.
After 1-3 dates, if there is mutual attraction, they hook up. If neither party ghosts, then they are officially a couple, and have an honest discussion about sharing expenses.
But if the man decides after 1 to 3 dates that he is not attracted, then he stops calling.
And, if the woman decides that she is not interested, then she either tells him that she is no longer in position to keep going out, or she makes up excuses until he gets the message.

The system is not perfect, but that is how dating has worked for a long time, and there are many happy marriages, including mine, that started off that way.

Hope that helps!

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The man pays for everything relating to the date - dinner, drinks, sports tickets, snacks, peanuts, parking, tips, gas, everything. The woman's job is to look her best, have fun, and be a great companion.
After 1-3 dates, if there is mutual attraction, they hook up. If neither party ghosts, then they are officially a couple, and have an honest discussion about sharing expenses.
But if the man decides after 1 to 3 dates that he is not attracted, then he stops calling.
And, if the woman decides that she is not interested, then she either tells him that she is no longer in position to keep going out, or she makes up excuses until he gets the message.

The system is not perfect, but that is how dating has worked for a long time, and there are many happy marriages, including mine, that started off that way.

Hope that helps!

Nothing about this is codified or universal. I repudiate it entirely. If you want to put your puss on the auction block to the highest bidder, have at it, but I, another woman, find you repugnant .

You sound like a really angry person. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question about paying for dates! In the past I was always quick to split the bill or even pay for the date, but I am working on leading with a more feminine energy. It still feels quite awkward to me so I'd love your input.
Background:
Went on a first date on Saturday, he arranged the date and I had a fancy cocktail and appetizer and he paid. He set up the second date for next Saturday, a hockey game and he arranged it and got the tickets. I was thinking it would be nice to offer to pay for any drinks/snacks that we get there.What do you think? Should I offer or continue to let him treat me?TLR - Do you ever pay for dates or aspects of the date? What date do you start offering? Who should pay for ongoing dates? Whats the etiquette? I think I make more money than guys that I usually date also

This is kind of how things started out with DH. I paid for little things while we were dating (like snacks at the hockey game, just as a gesture of kindness and reciprocity) but for the first time in my dating life, I basically let him pay and plan things, and he did. I made more money than the guys I dated before DH, too. And now we're married, and he still brings more money to the relatioship than I...

That's because this is the only system that functionally works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one woman who always insisted on paying for her own dinner, etc. She was very successful, but had a hard time to find the right guy. She finally got married in her late thirties. Her husband works some low paying job while she works full time with no breaks. She always complains about him being lazy.

I do not understand this. Are you complaining about the “roll reversal”? So are women the only ones allowed to take low paying jobs while their husbands work the “real” job and make money? Some how I do not think you would be sympathetic to a DH who complained about never getting a break while his under employed “lazy” DW did nothing.

It's not about sympathy, it's about what women will and will not tolerate on the dating market. Sorry, no one is crying over these men, lol

So you hate the woman who insist on paying her own way? LOL oh the dating market will not tolerate this! Women will date broke losers who scrape up enough money for a cheap meal, women will date cheap social inept short rich man who splits the check, women will pick up the check for the two timing player. The “dating market” tolerates a wide range of things.

[Anonymous]

I’m married in my 30s. Every man I ever dated payed for (nearly) everything on dates. I recall an exBF shutting down my attempt to at least split the check when we met up once after we’d been broken up for some time- just as friends. There are times I go out with dads of kids’ mine are friends with- plus our kids. They always grab the tan before I even have a chance. I think for most men it is just their nature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one woman who always insisted on paying for her own dinner, etc. She was very successful, but had a hard time to find the right guy. She finally got married in her late thirties. Her husband works some low paying job while she works full time with no breaks. She always complains about him being lazy.

I do not understand this. Are you complaining about the “roll reversal”? So are women the only ones allowed to take low paying jobs while their husbands work the “real” job and make money? Some how I do not think you would be sympathetic to a DH who complained about never getting a break while his under employed “lazy” DW did nothing.

It's not about sympathy, it's about what women will and will not tolerate on the dating market. Sorry, no one is crying over these men, lol

So you hate the woman who insist on paying her own way? LOL oh the dating market will not tolerate this! Women will date broke losers who scrape up enough money for a cheap meal, women will date cheap social inept short rich man who splits the check, women will pick up the check for the two timing player. The “dating market” tolerates a wide range of things.

I couldnt care less what stupid, desperate women put up with. If anything I feel sorry for them. It's usually unattractive women who are just extremely desperate for any man at all. So glad not to be in that group, I'm sure it's hard mentally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The man pays for everything relating to the date - dinner, drinks, sports tickets, snacks, peanuts, parking, tips, gas, everything. The woman's job is to look her best, have fun, and be a great companion.
After 1-3 dates, if there is mutual attraction, they hook up. If neither party ghosts, then they are officially a couple, and have an honest discussion about sharing expenses.
But if the man decides after 1 to 3 dates that he is not attracted, then he stops calling.
And, if the woman decides that she is not interested, then she either tells him that she is no longer in position to keep going out, or she makes up excuses until he gets the message.

The system is not perfect, but that is how dating has worked for a long time, and there are many happy marriages, including mine, that started off that way.

Hope that helps!

Nothing about this is codified or universal. I repudiate it entirely. If you want to put your puss on the auction block to the highest bidder, have at it, but I, another woman, find you repugnant .

I'm guessing that don't get asked for a lot of dates?

[Anonymous]

It depends on who I am dating . . . I don't pay when dating Black guys, and do offer to pay when dating white guys. Both are good indicators to see how interested he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on who I am dating . . . I don't pay when dating Black guys, and do offer to pay when dating white guys. Both are good indicators to see how interested he is.

What? I'm not understanding this, at all...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on who I am dating . . . I don't pay when dating Black guys, and do offer to pay when dating white guys. Both are good indicators to see how interested he is.

What? I'm not understanding this, at all...

There's nothing to understand except pp is racist and a bit dim.

[Anonymous]

Each person pays for themselves. Jesus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each person pays for themselves. Jesus

According to who? Neanderthals?

[Anonymous]

I always offer to split it. Most men will refuse.

I find that the amount of times they refuse to let you pay is not an indicator of interest. I have a guy that I have known a couple years that I used to date occasionally but we have now settled into a platonic friendship and he still insists on paying and doing all the cooking for me. Another guy insisted on paying on all 6 of our dates, never kissed me, then ghosted me. I dated a guy for 8 months and he usually paid for most things, but he made way more money than I did. On the other hand, I dated a guy for a couple of months and he never paid--I think he was gay. The guy I am currently dating suggested we split the bar tab on the first date, but then has cooked for me on subsequent dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one woman who always insisted on paying for her own dinner, etc. She was very successful, but had a hard time to find the right guy. She finally got married in her late thirties. Her husband works some low paying job while she works full time with no breaks. She always complains about him being lazy.

I do not understand this. Are you complaining about the “roll reversal”? So are women the only ones allowed to take low paying jobs while their husbands work the “real” job and make money? Some how I do not think you would be sympathetic to a DH who complained about never getting a break while his under employed “lazy” DW did nothing.

It's not about sympathy, it's about what women will and will not tolerate on the dating market. Sorry, no one is crying over these men, lol

So you hate the woman who insist on paying her own way? LOL oh the dating market will not tolerate this! Women will date broke losers who scrape up enough money for a cheap meal, women will date cheap social inept short rich man who splits the check, women will pick up the check for the two timing player. The “dating market” tolerates a wide range of things.

I couldnt care less what stupid, desperate women put up with. If anything I feel sorry for them. It's usually unattractive women who are just extremely desperate for any man at all. So glad not to be in that group, I'm sure it's hard mentally.

Wow that is misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always offer to split it. Most men will refuse.

I find that the amount of times they refuse to let you pay is not an indicator of interest. I have a guy that I have known a couple years that I used to date occasionally but we have now settled into a platonic friendship and he still insists on paying and doing all the cooking for me. Another guy insisted on paying on all 6 of our dates, never kissed me, then ghosted me. I dated a guy for 8 months and he usually paid for most things, but he made way more money than I did. On the other hand, I dated a guy for a couple of months and he never paid--I think he was gay. The guy I am currently dating suggested we split the bar tab on the first date, but then has cooked for me on subsequent dates.

Yep that is true. I think women track who pays as a ego boost. Along the lines of I am so desirable/attractive that I never pay or how dare he not pay I am worth so much more. It’s a way to keep score. Men know that. So it will never go away here. Now in Iceland where society truly see each sex as capable/equal everyone splits and women ask men out.