How to survive separating in place with a cheater

[Anonymous]

OP not sure if you’re able to attend a seminar but I found this was helpful


https://patch.com/virginia/arlington-va/calendar/event/20210811/1107429/second-saturday-divorce-workshop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. How old are your kids?

1. He moved to the guest room. This was easy since he accidentally had his text messages go to my son's phone so my son knew about the affair.
2. I did everything I normally do. I did not change a thing.
3. I literally was not rude, just do your thing.
4. I got out of the house a lot, took kids to activities, went for a walk, did yoga, shopping, etc.
5. I refused to fight. If he tried to start something I walked away to my room or for a walk or took the dog out.
6. He can't explain himself. This is on you figure it out yourself I am no longer your support system. call you girlfriend.
7. I knew the OW through friends and made sure they knew I asked him to move out but he refused.

Look up 180 of affairs.

Naturally he refused to move out because of his ego and the girl friend showed her true color and freaked out. He dumped her.

We lived together for 4 years until the youngest went to college and he moved out.

Bought him out of the house and I am sooooo happy!

You will get there. I have a full life without him and you will too.

What do you mean she freaked out? What happened?

Came to our house, knocked on the door. Said if we were really separated it should be fine, right?

That doesn't sound like a freak out. That is her believing him and wanting to come out of the shadows and him telling her what her place really is.

I don’t think my husband was ready for her to meet the kids. I think she should’ve asked him first if she could come over. Anyway he stepped outside and said go away. Apparently she had a nervous break down and didn’t go to work for two months. She works in my friends law firm. She was eventually fired.

Obviously he led her to believe she was something to him that she was not.

Haha! You think. Don’t all affairs.

[Anonymous]

Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

You need something in writing with custody before anyone leaves the martial home. Separation can be established fairly easily. Move out of the bedroom and send an email you intend to divorce. See an attorney or mediator to come up with PSA. Then someone moves. It is best to figure out the property situation permanently before anyone moves...it avoids a lot of upheaval. Many people start an in-home separation (or even complete it) while they figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is not how it works. She needs to get a lawyer or a mediator and determine who is getting the house, if the house will be sold, how they will do their separation and get a custody and property agreement in place before anyone moves from the marital home. You can't kick a property owner out of a house. You seem to have no idea how divorce actually works.

People seem obsessed with this idea that you can't kick someone out of their house.

If there is anyone on this forum that has ousted their cheating spouse from the family home and then was forced to allow them to move back in I would love to hear it.

Kicking out your cheating spouse doesn't mean you get to keep the house in the end.

You are obsessed with thinking you legally can kick someone out of a house they own...guess what? You can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

Yes it is illegal to move your kids away from their parent. You think it would be legal for you to come home from Pilates and find your H has moved the kids out of the family home. FFS, get a brain.

Her lawyer will advise her to stay in the house. of course you don't share a room, where are these people educated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

You need something in writing with custody before anyone leaves the martial home. Separation can be established fairly easily. Move out of the bedroom and send an email you intend to divorce. See an attorney or mediator to come up with PSA. Then someone moves. It is best to figure out the property situation permanently before anyone moves...it avoids a lot of upheaval. Many people start an in-home separation (or even complete it) while they figure this out.

That is not true in Maryland. There was a short period of time it was true, but not now and not normally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

You need something in writing with custody before anyone leaves the martial home. Separation can be established fairly easily. Move out of the bedroom and send an email you intend to divorce. See an attorney or mediator to come up with PSA. Then someone moves. It is best to figure out the property situation permanently before anyone moves...it avoids a lot of upheaval. Many people start an in-home separation (or even complete it) while they figure this out.

That is not true in Maryland. There was a short period of time it was true, but not now and not normally.

Well, I live in VA and it is true. Recently divorced. Don't move without an agreement. That would be very, very stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

Yes it is illegal to move your kids away from their parent. You think it would be legal for you to come home from Pilates and find your H has moved the kids out of the family home. FFS, get a brain.

Her lawyer will advise her to stay in the house. of course you don't share a room, where are these people educated?

You are mistaken. It’s only illegal if you have a custody agreement in place or if you don’t disclose where you’re going. The left spouse can then file an emergency custody order request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

Yes it is illegal to move your kids away from their parent. You think it would be legal for you to come home from Pilates and find your H has moved the kids out of the family home. FFS, get a brain.

Her lawyer will advise her to stay in the house. of course you don't share a room, where are these people educated?

You are mistaken. It’s only illegal if you have a custody agreement in place or if you don’t disclose where you’re going. The left spouse can then file an emergency custody order request.

What state are you talking about. You can not move the kids from their family home on a whim. it's illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

You need something in writing with custody before anyone leaves the martial home. Separation can be established fairly easily. Move out of the bedroom and send an email you intend to divorce. See an attorney or mediator to come up with PSA. Then someone moves. It is best to figure out the property situation permanently before anyone moves...it avoids a lot of upheaval. Many people start an in-home separation (or even complete it) while they figure this out.

That is not true in Maryland. There was a short period of time it was true, but not now and not normally.

Well, I live in VA and it is true. Recently divorced. Don't move without an agreement. That would be very, very stupid.

In MD you can't live under the same roof to consider being separated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

Yes it is illegal to move your kids away from their parent. You think it would be legal for you to come home from Pilates and find your H has moved the kids out of the family home. FFS, get a brain.

Her lawyer will advise her to stay in the house. of course you don't share a room, where are these people educated?

You are mistaken. It’s only illegal if you have a custody agreement in place or if you don’t disclose where you’re going. The left spouse can then file an emergency custody order request.

What state are you talking about. You can not move the kids from their family home on a whim. it's illegal.

Yes you most certainly can if you do not have an existing custody order. Parents can take their children wherever they want, the law has no say if there is no standing order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting around hoping he picks you? You deserve someone who is 100% into you. Kick. Him. Out.

It’s illegal to kick somebody out of the house. It’s abandonment if you leave the house. It’s kidnapping if you take the kids from the house.

It is not kidnapping if you take your own kids from your own house and move some place nearby/in state. FFS, there’s nothing worse than DCUM legal advice.

OP, get a lawyer. You might want to write your own informal in house separation agreement, but you need overall advice from a lawyer so that the parameters will meet VA separation requirements. Also, it will have more kick when you sit down with DH and say, because you have refused to break ties with Larla, our marriage is over and here is what my lawyer says will qualify as in house separation. The day you say this is the day you will never sleep in the same room again.

Yes it is illegal to move your kids away from their parent. You think it would be legal for you to come home from Pilates and find your H has moved the kids out of the family home. FFS, get a brain.

Her lawyer will advise her to stay in the house. of course you don't share a room, where are these people educated?

You are mistaken. It’s only illegal if you have a custody agreement in place or if you don’t disclose where you’re going. The left spouse can then file an emergency custody order request.

What state are you talking about. You can not move the kids from their family home on a whim. it's illegal.

Yes you most certainly can if you do not have an existing custody order. Parents can take their children wherever they want, the law has no say if there is no standing order.

No they can’t.