Graduation Dilemma

[Anonymous]

Yep, something is WAY off with the stepson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - draw a hard line on you and your DD not traveling to stepsons graduation. It just doesn’t work logistically and makes no sense. Most graduations these days are live streamed — plan to have a “watch party”. Your DH should try to do both only if he can live with the possibility of missing his daughter’s HS graduation.

This is good practice for your daughter to draw boundaries and not twist herself into a pretzel for a man who doesn’t actually care about her. If he did, he was be talking about skipping his graduation to be at hers.

We have a winner

I hope OP hangs onto this thread and maybe shows to the dad/the brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've brought up a lot of these compromises. I think if I communicate later that we want to celebrate him in any way we can, but the only hard line is DD and I have to be on a flight that's at 6pm or earlier (ie not last of the day and gives time for me to drive home in absolutely worst case scenario).

Unless something is different next year, no there is no separate PhD ceremony. I confirmed that.

For the folks asking about logistics, we live in a major metro area, the ceremony is in a major metro area; and DSS will be coming in from a third major metro area. All three places have nonstop flights on the order of 2 hours between them.

His phd graduation is a 2 hour flight from where he lives? That doesn't make sense.

OP. I know I said PhD, but it's actually a different sort of doctorate that has an internship as the final year. He got matched to an internship in a different city. Thats also why his thesis is complete

physical therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've brought up a lot of these compromises. I think if I communicate later that we want to celebrate him in any way we can, but the only hard line is DD and I have to be on a flight that's at 6pm or earlier (ie not last of the day and gives time for me to drive home in absolutely worst case scenario).

Unless something is different next year, no there is no separate PhD ceremony. I confirmed that.

For the folks asking about logistics, we live in a major metro area, the ceremony is in a major metro area; and DSS will be coming in from a third major metro area. All three places have nonstop flights on the order of 2 hours between them.

His phd graduation is a 2 hour flight from where he lives? That doesn't make sense.

OP. I know I said PhD, but it's actually a different sort of doctorate that has an internship as the final year. He got matched to an internship in a different city. Thats also why his thesis is complete

did he have a white coat ceremony and if so, were you all able to attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've brought up a lot of these compromises. I think if I communicate later that we want to celebrate him in any way we can, but the only hard line is DD and I have to be on a flight that's at 6pm or earlier (ie not last of the day and gives time for me to drive home in absolutely worst case scenario).

Unless something is different next year, no there is no separate PhD ceremony. I confirmed that.

For the folks asking about logistics, we live in a major metro area, the ceremony is in a major metro area; and DSS will be coming in from a third major metro area. All three places have nonstop flights on the order of 2 hours between them.

His phd graduation is a 2 hour flight from where he lives? That doesn't make sense.

Could be an online degree from a place like ASU. I know people who have done those from home and flown in for graduation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's not online - excellent university. It's a professional doctorate, actually a real practical degree as he has great job prospects!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've brought up a lot of these compromises. I think if I communicate later that we want to celebrate him in any way we can, but the only hard line is DD and I have to be on a flight that's at 6pm or earlier (ie not last of the day and gives time for me to drive home in absolutely worst case scenario).

Unless something is different next year, no there is no separate PhD ceremony. I confirmed that.

For the folks asking about logistics, we live in a major metro area, the ceremony is in a major metro area; and DSS will be coming in from a third major metro area. All three places have nonstop flights on the order of 2 hours between them.

His phd graduation is a 2 hour flight from where he lives? That doesn't make sense.

OP. I know I said PhD, but it's actually a different sort of doctorate that has an internship as the final year. He got matched to an internship in a different city. Thats also why his thesis is complete

physical therapy?

OP here. I don't think a DPT has a thesis or that you get a masters after 18 months. But yeah, something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just favoring DD over stepson. I would try and do both. Grad school is a big deal, much more important than finishing high school.

Of course she should favor her daughter, over her stepson. What?

No, there is nothing of course about it. You're just not a nice person.

OP, I would absolutely try to do both. Yes, it will be a late night but this is one of those moments in life that you just don't skip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just favoring DD over stepson. I would try and do both. Grad school is a big deal, much more important than finishing high school.

Of course she should favor her daughter, over her stepson. What?

No, there is nothing of course about it. You're just not a nice person.

OP, I would absolutely try to do both. Yes, it will be a late night but this is one of those moments in life that you just don't skip.

The son is not a kid.

He is an adult man, closer to middle aged than high school. He is closer to middle aged than his sister is to kindergarten.

Of course they should prioritize the daughter's high school graduation over the adult man's 3rd graduation.

In fact, if he dotes on his sister as much as OP says he claims to do, then he should cut his own graduation festivities, scheduling them another day, and fly out right after his ceremony so he can attend her graduation, making that the priority since high school graduation is a much larger milestone than a phd graduation, and he is a fully grown adult man, not a teenage child.

[Anonymous]

What kind of adult man stomps his feet and insists that his 3rd graduation ceremony should take priority over his sister's high school graduation, including insisting that his teen sister needs to prioritize his event over her own graduation?

Is he from some male dominated, non US, non western culture, where girls are seen as unimportant burdens and men, especially first born sons are seen as the most important prople in the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of adult man stomps his feet and insists that his 3rd graduation ceremony should take priority over his sister's high school graduation, including insisting that his teen sister needs to prioritize his event over her own graduation?

Is he from some male dominated, non US, non western culture, where girls are seen as unimportant burdens and men, especially first born sons are seen as the most important prople in the family?

Did his mother have primary custody after the divorce? Maybe he holds a grudge that he didn't get to live with his father, while his half sister has lived with dad for her whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just favoring DD over stepson. I would try and do both. Grad school is a big deal, much more important than finishing high school.

Of course she should favor her daughter, over her stepson. What?

No, there is nothing of course about it. You're just not a nice person.

OP, I would absolutely try to do both. Yes, it will be a late night but this is one of those moments in life that you just don't skip.

The son is not a kid.

He is an adult man, closer to middle aged than high school. He is closer to middle aged than his sister is to kindergarten.

Of course they should prioritize the daughter's high school graduation over the adult man's 3rd graduation.

In fact, if he dotes on his sister as much as OP says he claims to do, then he should cut his own graduation festivities, scheduling them another day, and fly out right after his ceremony so he can attend her graduation, making that the priority since high school graduation is a much larger milestone than a phd graduation, and he is a fully grown adult man, not a teenage child.

There is zero chance you'd be saying any of this if both kids were OP's bio kids. Pretty disgusting, actually.

OP herself wouldn't be asking the question either. She would make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re just favoring DD over stepson. I would try and do both. Grad school is a big deal, much more important than finishing high school.

This is my take, too. I would absolutely try to do both. If it's literally impossible, work with your stepson to come up with a plan that he can live with. But your dismissiveness toward his viewpoint shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just favoring DD over stepson. I would try and do both. Grad school is a big deal, much more important than finishing high school.

This is my take, too. I would absolutely try to do both. If it's literally impossible, work with your stepson to come up with a plan that he can live with. But your dismissiveness toward his viewpoint shows.

+3

[Anonymous]

A high school graduation is a very big deal for kids. You absolutely should not miss that. His dad should attend his graduation and you should stay home with your daughter. I appreciate that your son would like you all to attend, but that's simply not reasonable.