Mother Left 4.5M Estate to Unemployed, Alcoholic Sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know what to think. My brother and I were completely cut out. There was no drama. Where do I start to unravel this?

Similar happened on my husband's side of the family. His sister was a deadbeat pretending to be married to a deadbeat. Never actually married but told his parents they were. They got like 80% of the estate, which was a couple million bucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your aunt is irresponsible with money, your mother should have made a trust, perhaps with you children in charge. And a portion of the inheritance to you two, of course.

Sister not Aunt

[Anonymous]

I would not say another world to the sister unless she shares the inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your mother didn't want to burden you and your brother.
This is her way, right or wrong....
She is giving your sister the power and relieving the burden from you, killing two birds with one stone!

*the power meaning maybe your sister always felt unloved so with $ all going to her now, it's your mom's way of saying to your sister "you need to snap out of it!!!"
Speaking from her grave to your sister, I'm just guessing. She also knew money don't buy happiness.

I think this is correct. OP and her brother don't need to care for the sister and won't be stuck with that burden. Sister is taken care of until she dies, and maybe feels positive about this development. The two successfully launched kids will be okay.

I wouldn't have made her the sole heir but I think it's inevitable that it would be significantly uneven. Even $1 million would not have been sufficient if your sister lives a long time.

“Taken care of?” That money will be gone in 3-5 years.

How wil it be gone? If it's parked in bonds shes making ~$196,000 a year without touching the principal. She owns her condo. Utilities and hoa fees might be $500 a month How will a morbidly obese shut in spend the other $17,000 coming in every month?

[Anonymous]

I tend to agree with PPs who say this was your mom's way of letting you off the hook. It sucks and feels hurtful and wasteful. But you have no moral or financial obligation to your sister anymore, so maybe consider the freedom your inheritance.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s awful. I would treat my kids equally. Leaving them nothing at all, no acknowledgment? OP and her brother are always going to wonder about their relationship with their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know what to think. My brother and I were completely cut out. There was no drama. Where do I start to unravel this?

Work hard. Make our own money. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

How does your brother feel about this. I would be so hurt. She could have easily given you each some money, even if not an equal amount.

[Anonymous]

There is this popular reel theme where a toddler watches one parent hand out cookies and the parent gives the toddler 3, mom none and the other sibling none. Most toddlers look sad and quickly give mom 1 and the sibling 1 so everyone has 1 cookie. toddlers know it is wrong to play favorites, but adults on DCUM have no problem excusing giving one sibling over 4 million dollars and the other siblings none. So disturbing. Stop excusing and justifying and just validate OPs feelings.

[Anonymous]

This is how an angry parent lashes out from the grave. They sabotage the siblings relationships over money.

[Anonymous]

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.


Can you please elaborate on the tax implications? I of course believe that there would be but have no idea what that means and I may be in a situation someday where I would need to know to make things right.

Lots of misinformation here. You can gift much more than the 19k annually without triggering gift tax, but you must fill out a form (Form 709) and it counts against your lifetime limit of 15 million. The recipient is not taxed on the gift. the PP here was misinformed about taxes.

I know this because I am going to gift my sibling some portion of an inheritance and while I will file a Form 709, I will not come close to exceeding my lifetime limit of 15million (sadly!), nor will he have to pay taxes. I vetted all this with our estate lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the mother truly wanted to avoid problems for OP and the healthy sibling, she would have created a trust with an executor who was tasked with ensuring the sister's well-being for the next 40 years or whatever. That person could have made sure she had a safe home, healthy food, healthcare, recreation, etc... for the rest of the loser sister's life.

The mother was either out of her mind or just wanted to send a FU from the grave to OP. Some people are just plain mean and stupid.

Maybe the mother had never heard of this. Op could sure the estate to make sure a trust is established for her sister.

* I specifically mean sue to have the $4.5 million put into a trust for your sister. Not sue to take the money for yourself. That should pay out about $12-15k per month pre tax and she will need it for health insurance and living expenses

This is so smart. I’d talk to a lawyer about this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your mother didn't want to burden you and your brother.
This is her way, right or wrong....
She is giving your sister the power and relieving the burden from you, killing two birds with one stone!

*the power meaning maybe your sister always felt unloved so with $ all going to her now, it's your mom's way of saying to your sister "you need to snap out of it!!!"
Speaking from her grave to your sister, I'm just guessing. She also knew money don't buy happiness.

I think this is correct. OP and her brother don't need to care for the sister and won't be stuck with that burden. Sister is taken care of until she dies, and maybe feels positive about this development. The two successfully launched kids will be okay.

I wouldn't have made her the sole heir but I think it's inevitable that it would be significantly uneven. Even $1 million would not have been sufficient if your sister lives a long time.

“Taken care of?” That money will be gone in 3-5 years.

How wil it be gone? If it's parked in bonds shes making ~$196,000 a year without touching the principal. She owns her condo. Utilities and hoa fees might be $500 a month How will a morbidly obese shut in spend the other $17,000 coming in every month?

Alcohol, drugs, health care issues. Maybe a few stints in rehab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked two siblings were cut out, but nothing you can do about it but move on with your life. You could try asking your sister to share some of it (I definitely would share), but probably unlikely in this case.

There are tax implications to inheriting something and then attempt to gift it or give it to others who are not a non profit.

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.

I'm not following why you're mad at your brother if he tried to make things right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked two siblings were cut out, but nothing you can do about it but move on with your life. You could try asking your sister to share some of it (I definitely would share), but probably unlikely in this case.

There are tax implications to inheriting something and then attempt to gift it or give it to others who are not a non profit.

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.

I'm not following why you're mad at your brother if he tried to make things right?

They offered 1/2 what do they want.
It’s more than a lot of people would give.