Being Counseled Out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

Incorrect. Pakistanis do not speak Arabic. Arabic is the language of Arab countries. Pakistanis speak Urdu.

YOU are incorrect. Many Pakistanis learn Arabic as part of formal study of the Quran. When I lived in Pakistan, multiple Pakistani colleagues paid for their sons to have Quran lessons, and part of this learning Arabic. All of the mullahs know Arabic, and the imams.

Many Pakistanis don't learn Arabic, but many do. Many non-Arab Muslims who seriously study the Quran also learn it. Educate yourself.

I’m sorry but you need to educate yourself (NP here). Just because some religious Pakistanis learn Arabic as part of their religious studies does not mean that “Pakistanis are Arabic.” First, they are not Arabs and second, they speak URDU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our kid’s school, kid asked to leave after junior year due to failing a required class. The school’s position was that it didn’t offer it during the summer, it was a core class, and the school requires all core classes to be taken at school taught by school personnel. The school would not let the kid take the class senior year. (The school told me directly. It came up when I asked about having my kid take a class over the summer.) I was shocked. At some schools, it doesn’t take much to be asked to leave. But do call around.

They kicked out a kid for their senior year of HS?? That is just a sh!!tty thing to do.

It does happen. And it happens after several years of school working closely with the student and family but the student just can't keep up.

Schools do not do this lightly. They are in a tug of war, they do want to help the kid and the families do want to stay at the school. Many times there's a DEI layer wrapped in so they feel ideologically committed. But then comes that point when it's clear kid will just be failing most classes in Jr and Sr year.

The families do often feel betrayed but it does go both ways as the families could have quickly seen what was happening and cut losses and moved kid to a less competitive school earlier. Which others do all the time.

In the above post, the student failed one class. And the school refused to find a way for that student to stay for their senior year. Some supportive community.

Never has a kid failed a class and had zero other issues. Failing a class is a huge deal. There was likely more going on and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who were blindsided did you try to work it out or did you just leave the school? I think I would be turned off by that type of experience.

Happened to us. Was devastated but left immediately and went on to explore other options. No use insisting on staying where one is not wanted. Thankfully years down the line both kids have completed college at top IVY colleges, and gone on to post graduate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

Not entirely true/false. Some schools counsel out some students with LDs, including ADHD.

exactly. A lot if schools don’t want to deal with ADHD. Just because your school did help does not make the situation false for others. We had a bun experience getting help with ADHd in both a private and parochial.

[Anonymous]

Our friends at our school found out about a counsel our decision this week when the school didn’t send a contract for one of their children. No warning. They had been looking at other schools because their child was having a tough year and they didn’t like the administration response so they had applied to other options, but what if they hadn’t? Shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our friends at our school found out about a counsel our decision this week when the school didn’t send a contract for one of their children. No warning. They had been looking at other schools because their child was having a tough year and they didn’t like the administration response so they had applied to other options, but what if they hadn’t? Shocking.

This to me is the most shocking and unacceptable part. Of course schools have the right to counsel out students who for whatever reason aren’t thriving or are creating issues or whatever. Parents may not like or agree with the decision, but the school has the right to do it. Barring a major incident that crops up in January after applications are due, these conversations *should* be happening in the fall to give families time to explore options and apply out. I’m surprised that’s not somehow written into the contracts (which I admit I’ve never scrutinized), but at a minimum that seems like a pretty basic concept and it’s very sad that schools are not doing that.

[Anonymous]

"Counsel out" is a process that lets families find a better fit for their child and that process begins in the fall. It is not a happy situation for parents who have joined a community thinking they will be long term members but it often helps the child long term. Not having a contract renewed is a different matter. That is a direct result of a family not following the school's recommendations re: testing, therapy, tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Counsel out" is a process that lets families find a better fit for their child and that process begins in the fall. It is not a happy situation for parents who have joined a community thinking they will be long term members but it often helps the child long term. Not having a contract renewed is a different matter. That is a direct result of a family not following the school's recommendations re: testing, therapy, tutoring.

The first few sentences are not true. It depends on the administration and the pressures that they are facing. Schools do counsel out all throughout the year.

The second part of your paragraph may or may not be true. It also depends on the family, child and school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Counsel out" is a process that lets families find a better fit for their child and that process begins in the fall. It is not a happy situation for parents who have joined a community thinking they will be long term members but it often helps the child long term. Not having a contract renewed is a different matter. That is a direct result of a family not following the school's recommendations re: testing, therapy, tutoring.

This just isn’t true. Our friends who didn’t receive a contract renewal had no notification at all from the school (one of the ones that everyone on the board is obsessed with).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

This is completely untrue.

— mother of a child with ADHD and dyslexia, who has been totally embraced by her private school for 4 years so far

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

This is completely untrue.

— mother of a child with ADHD and dyslexia, who has been totally embraced by her private school for 4 years so far

+1, with 11 years under our belt here. College on the horizon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

WHICH SCHOOL?