Do men actually want a wife? Or is marriage mostly for women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the trappings of "getting married" are aimed more at women than men, so I think men are generally less excited than women about engagement and weddings. And actually a lot of what men are told about engagement and weddings is burdensome (it's a lot of "you have to do this or your cheap" or "you have to do that or her parents won't respect you" or whatever) so it shouldn't come as a surprise that a lot of men are like OP's ex or BF and just not enthusiastic.

Meanwhile women get sold on the fairy tale of getting married from a young age. They are told that engagement and the wedding itself are really significant milestones for women, specifically, and both are made extra desirable with the bribe of the ring, the dress, the photos and attention. And social media has amped that up for a lot of women.

But that doesn't have a lot to do with marriage. I think marriage tends to benefit men more than women, especially if there are children. Women tend to make more sacrifices within marriage and offer more of value to the the family unit (on average, on average, of course this is not true of every marriage).

This is why women are more likely to file for divorce.

So to answer OP: men do want a wife but they want one without the burdens of proposing and a wedding, which is understandable because those things tend to be pretty shallow and not really geared towards men at all. But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it, whereas women are more likely to question the value of the actual marriage even though the proposal/engagement/wedding is more geared towards them.

Why do lesbians divorce at the highest rate and gay men the lowest? Women are the problem, not men.

Doesn’t this just prove the point above that women are more independent and can function on their own, but men very much need a partner?

No, actually, not in any sort of way.

[Anonymous]

LOL, seeing as men benefit FAR more than women, yeah. But a man you’re dating who thinks it’s “a piece of paper” just wants to F and doesn’t want to be responsible for maintaining a relationship or children. Eventually these men get married and reap the benefits of having someone do 90% of the labor of raising kids and keeping the house (and make 50% of the money) now too. It’s a bum deal for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

Not if men would move the f out of the way and let us work for the same pay and run our own lives. In a heavily patriarchal society, yeah our HHI can be better, but study after study has shown that higher HHI doesn’t necessarily benefit women because their money, IF it makes it past the male in the household, goes directly to the kids.

[Anonymous]

The usual bitter divorcées have shown up to complain about men, but the actual answer is that the difference between individuals is much more significant than any gender based trends. Some men are desperate to get married, some aren't, same as women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it,

Who are all these guys who have domestic slaves to provide cooking, child care, and on-demand sex? My marriage doesn't work like that, and I don't know any guys who are getting that.

This whole bean-counting attitude towards marriage is pernicious. Do you even like your husband? Do you value anything about him besides what he does around the house? Is there anything in your head besides this running balance sheet of "what he gets and what I get" and once it is too far in the red, from your point of view, it's divorce time?

This whole non bean-counting attitude reminds me of people who order steak, appetizer and two drinks when everyone else orders pasta and then suggest to split the bill evenly because “it all evens out over time”. Somehow it’s always the same people doing that, but who is counting, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Anecdotally, I get the message that women are chasing marriage and that they get nothing out of it.

Also anecdotal but from what I see, the women who are pushing hard for marriage and have partners that are dragging feet, are in relationships where they are not getting their needs met. I think they mistakenly hope that, if they get married, their boyfriend will start showing up for them more and take the relationship more seriously.

In cases where the woman is not pushing for marriage in an ltr, they have partners that take the relationship very seriously, prioritize their partner, and are equal participants in the relationship.

I think there is a notable portion of women who want an equal partner but date guys that aren’t that and then hope marriage will fix the root issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is for both, wedding is for women. [b]Women are very territorial towards the house as well, sometimes house decor or cleaning is more important than the actual family.

Why are you generalizing this to all women? I never valued home décor or cleaning over my family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

Making up stats again? That’s for people with made up facts. If you had real facts you’d have real stats, and wouldn’t need to make believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

Sounds like your mom was a good for nothing. Freeloader. Too bad she met your dad and they had to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that men get a lot more out of marriage than women do. Yeah, maybe more women want to get married, but men are the ones who want to stay married. Women get over that sh!t fast, lol.

+1

Marriage is for men.

Too bad younger women don't realize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is for both, wedding is for women. [b]Women are very territorial towards the house as well, sometimes house decor or cleaning is more important than the actual family.

Why are you generalizing this to all women? I never valued home décor or cleaning over my family!

+1

I hate cleaning (f that s) but love my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

90%!!?

lol
Cite your data bud

50% of children don’t even have a father in the picture so there’s no “economic gain” for their women or children

60% of college grads are female, for the last 10 years.

there’s 70%+ female labor force participation, even higher here in Washington DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it,

Who are all these guys who have domestic slaves to provide cooking, child care, and on-demand sex? My marriage doesn't work like that, and I don't know any guys who are getting that.

This whole bean-counting attitude towards marriage is pernicious. Do you even like your husband? Do you value anything about him besides what he does around the house? Is there anything in your head besides this running balance sheet of "what he gets and what I get" and once it is too far in the red, from your point of view, it's divorce time?

This whole non bean-counting attitude reminds me of people who order steak, appetizer and two drinks when everyone else orders pasta and then suggest to split the bill evenly because “it all evens out over time”. Somehow it’s always the same people doing that, but who is counting, right?

I’m not. I stopped going to dinners or anywhere with con artists like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

90%!!?

lol
Cite your data bud

50% of children don’t even have a father in the picture so there’s no “economic gain” for their women or children

60% of college grads are female, for the last 10 years.

there’s 70%+ female labor force participation, even higher here in Washington DC.

Sadly have higher student loans debt, higher default and many have studied useless majors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

90%!!?

lol
Cite your data bud

50% of children don’t even have a father in the picture so there’s no “economic gain” for their women or children

60% of college grads are female, for the last 10 years.

there’s 70%+ female labor force participation, even higher here in Washington DC.

Sadly have higher student loans debt, higher default and many have studied useless majors.

Very possible. Also possible they are part of the 40% who never marry nor have kids.