Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Keep us posted on what you do..

Op here. I will be taking my maternity leave early but FMLA requires 30 days notice so I won’t be taking it until early June. I get 12 weeks job protection ( 6 weeks paid) so have time to consider if I want to go back in the fall. I have sick days and vacation I planned to use to extend my maternity leave but decided to take it starting next week. I will be off until my due date in late June. This way I can keep my insurance and have the next 4 months to decided what I want to do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

I was on bedrest the last five months of my pregnancy. The only things that are a must are diapers and wipes, onesies, blankets, crib/bassinet, and a car seat. Literally everything else can wait. (I breastfed)

I get that you want everything to be set up before the baby comes, but it is not required.

This!! The only other thing I’d add is a breast pump. Everything else is just frills. I bet you have plenty of clothes and blankets from your baby shower, and the rest is a few clicks on Amazon.

Ask your DH to unbox everything and set it all out tonight in front of you. Sit and take inventory and order whatever you still need. Or if your DH is unhelpful, ask a friend to come over and perform that function. It really sounds ridiculous to want to quit your job over something so simple.

Op here. We started unboxing things last night. It’s just very overwhelming because we received so many gifts. I have to find places to put things, clear out the nursery closet, and organize it all. We got over 100 gifts so we are swamped with all of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

I was on bedrest the last five months of my pregnancy. The only things that are a must are diapers and wipes, onesies, blankets, crib/bassinet, and a car seat. Literally everything else can wait. (I breastfed)

I get that you want everything to be set up before the baby comes, but it is not required.

This!! The only other thing I’d add is a breast pump. Everything else is just frills. I bet you have plenty of clothes and blankets from your baby shower, and the rest is a few clicks on Amazon.

Ask your DH to unbox everything and set it all out tonight in front of you. Sit and take inventory and order whatever you still need. Or if your DH is unhelpful, ask a friend to come over and perform that function. It really sounds ridiculous to want to quit your job over something so simple.

Op here. I don’t think we will need to buy anything. We were gifted our registry and many other things we didn’t have on our registry.

We were so far gifted ( what we opened)

- bouncer
- swing
- high chair
- various washes and lotions
- 50+ clothing items
- like 20 burp clothes
- pacifiers
- 3 sets of bottles
- A portable breast pump
- stroller, car seat, and longer.
- changing pad

So far that’s all we have opened. We still have like 80 gifts to open up. We need to put together the crib, dresser, and bookshelf. Put in the rocker and the rug and organize for the nursery, our room, and kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

Your friend is nuts. That stuff can go on a pile on a dresser—extra in a closet.

I worked until the day of birth for both kids.

My first I had almost zero. I had a bassinet, a breast pump, some bottles and pacifiers, diapers and three outfits and swaddles. I did not even buy a crib or furniture until after the birth. Oh yeah, I had a car seat. It took less than two hours to organize this. I literally bought everything online from my iPhone after the baby was born. This takes hours to prep for a baby.

Well she found it helpful to have pads and all the postpartum stuff in a cart. She would use it for the baby too.

that is a nice to h ave, not a need. You can do. It when you have tackled the back issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

I was on bedrest the last five months of my pregnancy. The only things that are a must are diapers and wipes, onesies, blankets, crib/bassinet, and a car seat. Literally everything else can wait. (I breastfed)

I get that you want everything to be set up before the baby comes, but it is not required.

This!! The only other thing I’d add is a breast pump. Everything else is just frills. I bet you have plenty of clothes and blankets from your baby shower, and the rest is a few clicks on Amazon.

Ask your DH to unbox everything and set it all out tonight in front of you. Sit and take inventory and order whatever you still need. Or if your DH is unhelpful, ask a friend to come over and perform that function. It really sounds ridiculous to want to quit your job over something so simple.

Op here. We started unboxing things last night. It’s just very overwhelming because we received so many gifts. I have to find places to put things, clear out the nursery closet, and organize it all. We got over 100 gifts so we are swamped with all of it.

It’s the Thankyou notes that take the most time, not the unwrapping and storing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how much you have saved, but one bad delivery and long hospital stay can eat that up. We had saved 3+ months of money, bought a house we could afford, and had ALL other debt completely paid off when I got pregnant. I started having pregnancy problems and the medical bills ate everything we had.
I wouldn’t quit and loose that paid maternity leave. Also, if your husband isn’t helping before the baby and he dumps it all on you after, you might be glad you kept that job.

The other option is to go to part time to keep my insurance.

He will help setup big items but will leave the organizing to me because I’m much better at that stuff. I don’t think most husbands care about organizing postpartum stuff or baby clothes.

Have your friend come over and help organize while you sit/lie directing her. She can set u p the post partum cart, since she is the one who raved about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

DP. You can hire someone from taskrabbit to organize and assemble everything. That’s what I did for number 2.

If you are entitled to any paid parental leave I think it’s crazy to quit beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

I was on bedrest the last five months of my pregnancy. The only things that are a must are diapers and wipes, onesies, blankets, crib/bassinet, and a car seat. Literally everything else can wait. (I breastfed)

I get that you want everything to be set up before the baby comes, but it is not required.

This!! The only other thing I’d add is a breast pump. Everything else is just frills. I bet you have plenty of clothes and blankets from your baby shower, and the rest is a few clicks on Amazon.

Ask your DH to unbox everything and set it all out tonight in front of you. Sit and take inventory and order whatever you still need. Or if your DH is unhelpful, ask a friend to come over and perform that function. It really sounds ridiculous to want to quit your job over something so simple.

Op here. We started unboxing things last night. It’s just very overwhelming because we received so many gifts. I have to find places to put things, clear out the nursery closet, and organize it all. We got over 100 gifts so we are swamped with all of it.

It’s the Thankyou notes that take the most time, not the unwrapping and storing.

Very true but it’s still overwhelming. The nursery is filled with all the baby gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

DP. You can hire someone from taskrabbit to organize and assemble everything. That’s what I did for number 2.

If you are entitled to any paid parental leave I think it’s crazy to quit beforehand.

I’m not quitting. DH will put the furniture together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

DP. You can hire someone from taskrabbit to organize and assemble everything. That’s what I did for number 2.

If you are entitled to any paid parental leave I think it’s crazy to quit beforehand.

I’m not quitting. DH will put the furniture together.

Glad you’ve returned to the land of the sane and your husband has stepped up!