How much would you accommodate sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her your menu and ask what you should have on hand for her to eat that she can quickly pull together for herself on the days she won’t eat the stuff you are making.

These suggestions are getting ridiculous. This might make sense for a 4 year old following a strict diet for serious health reasons but this is an adult. Capable of ordering food, grocery shopping, planning ahead, or just eating 2 bites of something offered like every other grown adult that doesn’t care for the menu choice.

2 bites. She’s not eating enough as it is and you want to starve her. No, be a good host.

She's starving herself. Let's assign responsibility accurately here.

First. No matter what OP does this visit she’s not going to change her sister nor her parents. So she can choose to make a big deal out of it or just quietly provide the kitchen space or appropriate food options.

Second. Are people who are keto, or carnivore, or vegan, etc. starving themselves? I’m curious if OP’s sister has an actual diagnosed eating disorder or is just - like MANY here - very restricted in order to stay skinny and OP has themselves diagnosed the sister.

Lots of people don’t eat red meat, dairy, bread, etc. and I wouldn’t jump to “eating disorder.” Half the people I know have various restrictions and diets; they’d all have an ED under that logic.

To your first statement, the op doesn’t need to change her sister. People are simply saying that she doesn’t have to feed into it nor change herself for her sister.
You are wrong.

She doesn’t HAVE to, no. But it’s just as easy to grill chicken as it is to grill a burger or hot dogs. Keep some eggs annd salad fixings in the fridge and let her sister cook something if she wants. almost like OP is inviting trouble where there is none by being petty. My clue to this was OP saying that it takes “hours” to scrub pans after her sister has used them. I just can’t comprehend how that is the case.

It is not just as easy. OP should not anything to accommodate her apart from a medical issue.

OK, so let's really play this out.

Option #1: OP allows sister to bring her own food and grill some salmon/chicken, maybe cook an egg. The burden on OP is two extra pans and an extra dish to clean, assuming sister doesn't do it. It is also having sister in the kitchen taking up space and being in the way for a bit.

Option #2: OP draws a line and says she won't prepare any different food and sister isn't allowed to either. The burden on OP, even if she chooses not to engage, is multiple attempts by parents to change her mind, possibility that some or all do not come, impact on other guests of them not coming, possible altercation during the event when sister attempts to prepare some eggs and OP "enforces the boundary."

Which option is "easier" for OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her your menu and ask what you should have on hand for her to eat that she can quickly pull together for herself on the days she won’t eat the stuff you are making.

These suggestions are getting ridiculous. This might make sense for a 4 year old following a strict diet for serious health reasons but this is an adult. Capable of ordering food, grocery shopping, planning ahead, or just eating 2 bites of something offered like every other grown adult that doesn’t care for the menu choice.

2 bites. She’s not eating enough as it is and you want to starve her. No, be a good host.

She's starving herself. Let's assign responsibility accurately here.

First. No matter what OP does this visit she’s not going to change her sister nor her parents. So she can choose to make a big deal out of it or just quietly provide the kitchen space or appropriate food options.

Second. Are people who are keto, or carnivore, or vegan, etc. starving themselves? I’m curious if OP’s sister has an actual diagnosed eating disorder or is just - like MANY here - very restricted in order to stay skinny and OP has themselves diagnosed the sister.

Lots of people don’t eat red meat, dairy, bread, etc. and I wouldn’t jump to “eating disorder.” Half the people I know have various restrictions and diets; they’d all have an ED under that logic.

To your first statement, the op doesn’t need to change her sister. People are simply saying that she doesn’t have to feed into it nor change herself for her sister.
You are wrong.

She doesn’t HAVE to, no. But it’s just as easy to grill chicken as it is to grill a burger or hot dogs. Keep some eggs annd salad fixings in the fridge and let her sister cook something if she wants. almost like OP is inviting trouble where there is none by being petty. My clue to this was OP saying that it takes “hours” to scrub pans after her sister has used them. I just can’t comprehend how that is the case.

It is not just as easy. OP should not anything to accommodate her apart from a medical issue.

OK, so let's really play this out.

Option #1: OP allows sister to bring her own food and grill some salmon/chicken, maybe cook an egg. The burden on OP is two extra pans and an extra dish to clean, assuming sister doesn't do it. It is also having sister in the kitchen taking up space and being in the way for a bit.

Option #2: OP draws a line and says she won't prepare any different food and sister isn't allowed to either. The burden on OP, even if she chooses not to engage, is multiple attempts by parents to change her mind, possibility that some or all do not come, impact on other guests of them not coming, possible altercation during the event when sister attempts to prepare some eggs and OP "enforces the boundary."

Which option is "easier" for OP?

There are other options but doesn’t fit your agenda. OP has to do neither one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her your menu and ask what you should have on hand for her to eat that she can quickly pull together for herself on the days she won’t eat the stuff you are making.

These suggestions are getting ridiculous. This might make sense for a 4 year old following a strict diet for serious health reasons but this is an adult. Capable of ordering food, grocery shopping, planning ahead, or just eating 2 bites of something offered like every other grown adult that doesn’t care for the menu choice.

2 bites. She’s not eating enough as it is and you want to starve her. No, be a good host.

She's starving herself. Let's assign responsibility accurately here.

First. No matter what OP does this visit she’s not going to change her sister nor her parents. So she can choose to make a big deal out of it or just quietly provide the kitchen space or appropriate food options.

Second. Are people who are keto, or carnivore, or vegan, etc. starving themselves? I’m curious if OP’s sister has an actual diagnosed eating disorder or is just - like MANY here - very restricted in order to stay skinny and OP has themselves diagnosed the sister.

Lots of people don’t eat red meat, dairy, bread, etc. and I wouldn’t jump to “eating disorder.” Half the people I know have various restrictions and diets; they’d all have an ED under that logic.

To your first statement, the op doesn’t need to change her sister. People are simply saying that she doesn’t have to feed into it nor change herself for her sister.
You are wrong.

She doesn’t HAVE to, no. But it’s just as easy to grill chicken as it is to grill a burger or hot dogs. Keep some eggs annd salad fixings in the fridge and let her sister cook something if she wants. almost like OP is inviting trouble where there is none by being petty. My clue to this was OP saying that it takes “hours” to scrub pans after her sister has used them. I just can’t comprehend how that is the case.

It is not just as easy. OP should not anything to accommodate her apart from a medical issue.

How is it not just as easy to put a piece of chicken breast or salmon (in foil if there’s a concern about fats) on the grill instead of or in addition to hamburgers and hot dogs? In fact, I bet other people would like that as an option too. I don’t have dietary restrictions but would love grilled chicken and salad maybe even over a burger or hot dog.

It is possible to just quietly and nicely do these things - or allow sister the option to do it herself - and not make a big show of it. But, I actually try to enjoy the people and not focus on what is “right” all the time.

I always do “make your own” type meals with a variety of choices people can put together when I host. Taco bar, etc. Then everyone can eat what they want without alienation.

You would love other options. You treat your hostess like a short order cook.

[Anonymous]

Can't sister (and your parents) stay at a vrbo with a kitchen? I can't imagine everyone is staying with you.... tell them where your favorite grocery store is and your planned menu. She can cook her own food and bring it if the menu doesn't suit her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her your menu and ask what you should have on hand for her to eat that she can quickly pull together for herself on the days she won’t eat the stuff you are making.

These suggestions are getting ridiculous. This might make sense for a 4 year old following a strict diet for serious health reasons but this is an adult. Capable of ordering food, grocery shopping, planning ahead, or just eating 2 bites of something offered like every other grown adult that doesn’t care for the menu choice.

2 bites. She’s not eating enough as it is and you want to starve her. No, be a good host.

She's starving herself. Let's assign responsibility accurately here.

First. No matter what OP does this visit she’s not going to change her sister nor her parents. So she can choose to make a big deal out of it or just quietly provide the kitchen space or appropriate food options.

Second. Are people who are keto, or carnivore, or vegan, etc. starving themselves? I’m curious if OP’s sister has an actual diagnosed eating disorder or is just - like MANY here - very restricted in order to stay skinny and OP has themselves diagnosed the sister.

Lots of people don’t eat red meat, dairy, bread, etc. and I wouldn’t jump to “eating disorder.” Half the people I know have various restrictions and diets; they’d all have an ED under that logic.

To your first statement, the op doesn’t need to change her sister. People are simply saying that she doesn’t have to feed into it nor change herself for her sister.
You are wrong.

She doesn’t HAVE to, no. But it’s just as easy to grill chicken as it is to grill a burger or hot dogs. Keep some eggs annd salad fixings in the fridge and let her sister cook something if she wants. almost like OP is inviting trouble where there is none by being petty. My clue to this was OP saying that it takes “hours” to scrub pans after her sister has used them. I just can’t comprehend how that is the case.

It is not just as easy. OP should not anything to accommodate her apart from a medical issue.

OK, so let's really play this out.

Option #1: OP allows sister to bring her own food and grill some salmon/chicken, maybe cook an egg. The burden on OP is two extra pans and an extra dish to clean, assuming sister doesn't do it. It is also having sister in the kitchen taking up space and being in the way for a bit.

Option #2: OP draws a line and says she won't prepare any different food and sister isn't allowed to either. The burden on OP, even if she chooses not to engage, is multiple attempts by parents to change her mind, possibility that some or all do not come, impact on other guests of them not coming, possible altercation during the event when sister attempts to prepare some eggs and OP "enforces the boundary."

Which option is "easier" for OP?

There are other options but doesn’t fit your agenda. OP has to do neither one of those.

PP here. I was sincerely trying to be balanced, while concise enough to note write more than people want to read. I don't have an "agenda", but I do think that allowing sister to bring her own food is the best option of those identified. What do you think is a better one?

[Anonymous]

Restricted eating is an aspect of eating disorders. I understand why the parents want to get food in her but until she can get enough nutrition going along with the restrictive eating doesn’t help. Liquid drinks with lots of calories and protein helped my daughter a lot. When you restrict eating for a long time your digestive muscles weaken and you are more prone to indigestion. This leads people with eating disorders to restrict dairy, gluten etc etc. This makes it really hard for them to find foods they like.

I think it’s perfectly fair to say no messes in the kitchen. If she eats chicken, Costco has a large bag of pulled rotisserie chicken. She can throw that into the salad you serve on pizza night. If she eats rice, get those microwave rice packets and she can throw some chicken in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her your menu and ask what you should have on hand for her to eat that she can quickly pull together for herself on the days she won’t eat the stuff you are making.

These suggestions are getting ridiculous. This might make sense for a 4 year old following a strict diet for serious health reasons but this is an adult. Capable of ordering food, grocery shopping, planning ahead, or just eating 2 bites of something offered like every other grown adult that doesn’t care for the menu choice.

2 bites. She’s not eating enough as it is and you want to starve her. No, be a good host.

She's starving herself. Let's assign responsibility accurately here.

First. No matter what OP does this visit she’s not going to change her sister nor her parents. So she can choose to make a big deal out of it or just quietly provide the kitchen space or appropriate food options.

Second. Are people who are keto, or carnivore, or vegan, etc. starving themselves? I’m curious if OP’s sister has an actual diagnosed eating disorder or is just - like MANY here - very restricted in order to stay skinny and OP has themselves diagnosed the sister.

Lots of people don’t eat red meat, dairy, bread, etc. and I wouldn’t jump to “eating disorder.” Half the people I know have various restrictions and diets; they’d all have an ED under that logic.

To your first statement, the op doesn’t need to change her sister. People are simply saying that she doesn’t have to feed into it nor change herself for her sister.
You are wrong.

She doesn’t HAVE to, no. But it’s just as easy to grill chicken as it is to grill a burger or hot dogs. Keep some eggs annd salad fixings in the fridge and let her sister cook something if she wants. almost like OP is inviting trouble where there is none by being petty. My clue to this was OP saying that it takes “hours” to scrub pans after her sister has used them. I just can’t comprehend how that is the case.

It is not just as easy. OP should not anything to accommodate her apart from a medical issue.

How is it not just as easy to put a piece of chicken breast or salmon (in foil if there’s a concern about fats) on the grill instead of or in addition to hamburgers and hot dogs? In fact, I bet other people would like that as an option too. I don’t have dietary restrictions but would love grilled chicken and salad maybe even over a burger or hot dog.

It is possible to just quietly and nicely do these things - or allow sister the option to do it herself - and not make a big show of it. But, I actually try to enjoy the people and not focus on what is “right” all the time.

I always do “make your own” type meals with a variety of choices people can put together when I host. Taco bar, etc. Then everyone can eat what they want without alienation.

You would love other options. You treat your hostess like a short order cook.

Huh? Was just saying that she could serve that as or in addition to the rest of the meal and I’m sure people would like it.

I have never treated a host anything other than graciously.

[Anonymous]

What “I” would do is run by goodwill and try to buy a few really cheap pans. If none were there, I would grab a three pack of them at target. I would tell her that you know she may want to cook for herself and here are pans she can use. And then, I would let her do that. If she didn’t clean the pans, I would not care. She can keep reusing dirty pans. And then I would throw them away at the end of their visit. This assumes I could not get past my anger about the whole thing — which it seems like you are not able to do at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What “I” would do is run by goodwill and try to buy a few really cheap pans. If none were there, I would grab a three pack of them at target. I would tell her that you know she may want to cook for herself and here are pans she can use. And then, I would let her do that. If she didn’t clean the pans, I would not care. She can keep reusing dirty pans. And then I would throw them away at the end of their visit. This assumes I could not get past my anger about the whole thing — which it seems like you are not able to do at this point.

And of course, I would have some carrots, lettuce, etc available — whatever requires no prep for you but is a safe food
For her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What “I” would do is run by goodwill and try to buy a few really cheap pans. If none were there, I would grab a three pack of them at target. I would tell her that you know she may want to cook for herself and here are pans she can use. And then, I would let her do that. If she didn’t clean the pans, I would not care. She can keep reusing dirty pans. And then I would throw them away at the end of their visit. This assumes I could not get past my anger about the whole thing — which it seems like you are not able to do at this point.

And of course, I would have some carrots, lettuce, etc available — whatever requires no prep for you but is a safe food
For her.

Should she pick up a weight scale, a food scale, new measuring cups, baby spoons, and extra small matching plates too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What “I” would do is run by goodwill and try to buy a few really cheap pans. If none were there, I would grab a three pack of them at target. I would tell her that you know she may want to cook for herself and here are pans she can use. And then, I would let her do that. If she didn’t clean the pans, I would not care. She can keep reusing dirty pans. And then I would throw them away at the end of their visit. This assumes I could not get past my anger about the whole thing — which it seems like you are not able to do at this point.

And of course, I would have some carrots, lettuce, etc available — whatever requires no prep for you but is a safe food
For her.

Should she pick up a weight scale, a food scale, new measuring cups, baby spoons, and extra small matching plates too?

Don’t forget the toothbrush and mouth wash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What “I” would do is run by goodwill and try to buy a few really cheap pans. If none were there, I would grab a three pack of them at target. I would tell her that you know she may want to cook for herself and here are pans she can use. And then, I would let her do that. If she didn’t clean the pans, I would not care. She can keep reusing dirty pans. And then I would throw them away at the end of their visit. This assumes I could not get past my anger about the whole thing — which it seems like you are not able to do at this point.

And of course, I would have some carrots, lettuce, etc available — whatever requires no prep for you but is a safe food
For her.

Should she pick up a weight scale, a food scale, new measuring cups, baby spoons, and extra small matching plates too?

I must have missed the post where OP complained about those things. But she did complain about pans and PP gave her a simple suggestion of spending ten dollars on pans so hers won't be ruined. I get it though, it's much more fun to make fun of someone's mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Each bite of food she eats or refuses is her making a choice to live or die. If she wants to live bad enough she’ll eat something regardless of what is offered or figure out an alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each bite of food she eats or refuses is her making a choice to live or die. If she wants to live bad enough she’ll eat something regardless of what is offered or figure out an alternative.

Do any of the people making these kinds of suggestions have any actual experience or expertise in successfully helping people overcome eating disorders?

(and OP indicated in the first post that she wasn't open to letting sister "figure out an alternative")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each bite of food she eats or refuses is her making a choice to live or die. If she wants to live bad enough she’ll eat something regardless of what is offered or figure out an alternative.

This is quite a dramatic post given what’s going on. No ED issues will be solved over the weekend. So basically this a debate between a woman who wants to eat grilled chicken and a woman who wants to serve pizza, hot dogs, and hamburgers. If someone beamed into America in 2024, they would be surprised to learn that the disordered eater is the one who wants chicken, not the one who wants to serve pizza.