How much would you accommodate sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread sucks - you accommodate medical conditions. This could be a planned diet with medical advice.

You want the op to go seek medical advice for this? You’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

.

So you are an adult and can pack a protein shake or peanuts or a can of tuna in your bag or bring some protein with you. It is rude to expect a host to cater to your needs when they are trying to feed a bunch of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

.

So you are an adult and can pack a protein shake or peanuts or a can of tuna in your bag or bring some protein with you. It is rude to expect a host to cater to your needs when they are trying to feed a bunch of people.

You bring up an interesting thing here. The sister never asked for anything. It was the parents who asked OP to accommodate.

Isn't the obvious answer here for OP to simply call her sister and talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Your sister either communicates about this directly or you do nothing any different from what you do for any other guests.

Your parents are abetting her, maybe to death. You don’t have to participate in that. Shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Yep, the pp has it right.

Op, this is an opportunity to talk to your sister, adult to adult. Ask her what she prefers and then tell her what you’ll be able to accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sucks - you accommodate medical conditions. This could be a planned diet with medical advice.

You want the op to go seek medical advice for this? You’re nuts.

I want the op to have food available for her sister she can eat. She just needs to speak to her sister….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

.

So you are an adult and can pack a protein shake or peanuts or a can of tuna in your bag or bring some protein with you. It is rude to expect a host to cater to your needs when they are trying to feed a bunch of people.

Have you ever read Emily Post or Miss Manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

.

So you are an adult and can pack a protein shake or peanuts or a can of tuna in your bag or bring some protein with you. It is rude to expect a host to cater to your needs when they are trying to feed a bunch of people.

Have you ever read Emily Post or Miss Manners?

The original Emily and Miss Manner are rolling in the grave at the audacity of guests now. OP isn't a restaurant, you get what you get within reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

What does she eat? So far her diet is similar to mine (no white flour, no red meat, and no dairy - among other things), but I do eat fats like olive oil, avocado, fish. Mine is based on medical issues. On pizza night, I would need a protein to go with the salad.

.

So you are an adult and can pack a protein shake or peanuts or a can of tuna in your bag or bring some protein with you. It is rude to expect a host to cater to your needs when they are trying to feed a bunch of people.

Have you ever read Emily Post or Miss Manners?

The original Emily and Miss Manner are rolling in the grave at the audacity of guests now. OP isn't a restaurant, you get what you get within reason.

The guest in question did not ask OP to do anything.

She should TALK TO HER SISTER.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. She definitely has an eating disorder and has gotten some help in the past but did not like having to change her ways, so she refuses both in and out-patient therapy at this point. My parents don’t want to push her so they just allow her to do her thing. I don’t if it’s technically anorexia or not since she does eat, she just only eats maybe 10 things total. She is very thin but not sickly looking so most people just tell her she looks great. It’s actually really sad.

She will not eat at restaurants or order take out because she doesn’t trust what is on the food or what it may have been prepared with. So it’s not as simple as ordering a salad with no cheese and dressing on the side. She only eats chicken, salmon, eggs, lettuce and certain other green vegetables and herbal tea. I honestly can’t think of anything else she eats.

In terms of letting her cook, the main issue is that she won’t use any oil, butter or even Pam to cook things so they stick to the pan which then has to be scrubbed for hours to get all the food off. She also likes everything to be cooked separately so she uses like 3-4 pans depending on what she is making. My parents do clean up after her at home but I know they won’t in my house.

I want to be compassionate but also think it’s kind of ridiculous that they just let her live this way under their roof and do absolutely nothing.

[Anonymous]

Give her a menu from where you are ordering and let her choose, otherwise she can cook herself. Or, pick one thing she will eat. I'd pick something she can eat as that's what good people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She definitely has an eating disorder and has gotten some help in the past but did not like having to change her ways, so she refuses both in and out-patient therapy at this point. My parents don’t want to push her so they just allow her to do her thing. I don’t if it’s technically anorexia or not since she does eat, she just only eats maybe 10 things total. She is very thin but not sickly looking so most people just tell her she looks great. It’s actually really sad.

She will not eat at restaurants or order take out because she doesn’t trust what is on the food or what it may have been prepared with. So it’s not as simple as ordering a salad with no cheese and dressing on the side. She only eats chicken, salmon, eggs, lettuce and certain other green vegetables and herbal tea. I honestly can’t think of anything else she eats.

In terms of letting her cook, the main issue is that she won’t use any oil, butter or even Pam to cook things so they stick to the pan which then has to be scrubbed for hours to get all the food off. She also likes everything to be cooked separately so she uses like 3-4 pans depending on what she is making. My parents do clean up after her at home but I know they won’t in my house.

I want to be compassionate but also think it’s kind of ridiculous that they just let her live this way under their roof and do absolutely nothing.

If she only eats a few things why does she need 3-4 pans. Just get her some food you know she'll eat. Do a chicken meal, salmon meal, veggies she likes. Get some non-stick foil for baking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She definitely has an eating disorder and has gotten some help in the past but did not like having to change her ways, so she refuses both in and out-patient therapy at this point. My parents don’t want to push her so they just allow her to do her thing. I don’t if it’s technically anorexia or not since she does eat, she just only eats maybe 10 things total. She is very thin but not sickly looking so most people just tell her she looks great. It’s actually really sad.

She will not eat at restaurants or order take out because she doesn’t trust what is on the food or what it may have been prepared with. So it’s not as simple as ordering a salad with no cheese and dressing on the side. She only eats chicken, salmon, eggs, lettuce and certain other green vegetables and herbal tea. I honestly can’t think of anything else she eats.

In terms of letting her cook, the main issue is that she won’t use any oil, butter or even Pam to cook things so they stick to the pan which then has to be scrubbed for hours to get all the food off. She also likes everything to be cooked separately so she uses like 3-4 pans depending on what she is making. My parents do clean up after her at home but I know they won’t in my house.

I want to be compassionate but also think it’s kind of ridiculous that they just let her live this way under their roof and do absolutely nothing.

Try to put the bolded out of your head....and TALK TO YOUR SISTER.

You have a guest in your home that you know eats a restricted diet. Do what you would for any guest, hopefully: Call her and talk to her about it. Honestly if that is what she eats, it doesn't seem that difficult for you to grill chicken/salmon along with whatever else you are grilling and steam some vegetables in advance. But it also isn't that hard for her to do it and bring it.

I say this from a good place...you seem to not like the dynamic between your parents and your sister, and mostly hold your parents accountable. Try not to bring that in to a simple issue of hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She definitely has an eating disorder and has gotten some help in the past but did not like having to change her ways, so she refuses both in and out-patient therapy at this point. My parents don’t want to push her so they just allow her to do her thing. I don’t if it’s technically anorexia or not since she does eat, she just only eats maybe 10 things total. She is very thin but not sickly looking so most people just tell her she looks great. It’s actually really sad.

She will not eat at restaurants or order take out because she doesn’t trust what is on the food or what it may have been prepared with. So it’s not as simple as ordering a salad with no cheese and dressing on the side. She only eats chicken, salmon, eggs, lettuce and certain other green vegetables and herbal tea. I honestly can’t think of anything else she eats.

In terms of letting her cook, the main issue is that she won’t use any oil, butter or even Pam to cook things so they stick to the pan which then has to be scrubbed for hours to get all the food off. She also likes everything to be cooked separately so she uses like 3-4 pans depending on what she is making. My parents do clean up after her at home but I know they won’t in my house.

I want to be compassionate but also think it’s kind of ridiculous that they just let her live this way under their roof and do absolutely nothing.

It is very easy to grill some salmon and chicken and have some salad or allow her to put this together. Don’t you own nonstick pans? This sounds a little dramatic.

One of my siblings is vegan. I’ve been accommodating many times over for years. Is it annoying? Yes, not gonna lie. But it is what it is and I would never let someone come in my home and serve things I know they won’t eat.