How much would you accommodate sibling?

[Anonymous]

I would not enable an eating disorder. Let her cook her own stuff. She can go to a store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate anorexia. That’s like buying bottles of liquor to accommodate an alcoholic. Let her figure it out.

So....the difference between alcoholism and anorexia is that alcoholics ingest things they shouldn't, and anorexics do not ingest things when they should.

The right way to help an alcoholic is to not provide alcohol. The right way to help an anorexic is to provide calories they will eat, or at a minimum let them eat the calories they are comfortable with.

You sound very stupid the anorexic can’teat and the alcoholic can’t not drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not enable an eating disorder. Let her cook her own stuff. She can go to a store.

OP says that she doesn't even want to do the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate anorexia. That’s like buying bottles of liquor to accommodate an alcoholic. Let her figure it out.

So....the difference between alcoholism and anorexia is that alcoholics ingest things they shouldn't, and anorexics do not ingest things when they should.

The right way to help an alcoholic is to not provide alcohol. The right way to help an anorexic is to provide calories they will eat, or at a minimum let them eat the calories they are comfortable with.

The op is providing calories. You are wrong.

First, OP didn't say (and actually doesn't know) whether her sister is anorexic. She eats a limited diet....as do a lot of people these days.

Second, there have been millions of posts about people hosting others who have restrictions. The universal answer here has always been to provide them something minimal (which has been suggested here) or to let them bring their own food.

For some reason the fact that this is a sister and/or the fact that OP characterizes it as an ED is skewing the answers.

It is not hard to grill chicken and have a salad, or to let her bring and prepare her own food.

Anything else is rooted in some kind of spite or dynamic that has nothing at all to do with the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

How does she eat at home? Does your mom cook? Does your mom let her cook but clean up after her?

Since you will be busy hosting everyone else, I would talk to your mom and sister and tell them to come up with a plan. Your kitchen will be available, you will even pick up what she wants from the store when you shop for everyone else, but beyond that you are not making separate meals and you expect anyone else using your kitchen will leave it in the condition in which they found it.

[Anonymous]

What does she eat? Chicken, fish and raw veggies? What kind of mess can be making? It’s not like she making a lasagna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate this nonsense at all. She is a grown woman.

Seriously. The salad is over there psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate anorexia. That’s like buying bottles of liquor to accommodate an alcoholic. Let her figure it out.

So....the difference between alcoholism and anorexia is that alcoholics ingest things they shouldn't, and anorexics do not ingest things when they should.

The right way to help an alcoholic is to not provide alcohol. The right way to help an anorexic is to provide calories they will eat, or at a minimum let them eat the calories they are comfortable with.

She is an adult and does not need to be spoon fed like an infant.

I also wouldn't hid the booze if an alcoholic is attending because they are adults responsible for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

She can eat the salad for one meal, and I've found in my experience if I'm grilling and throw some chicken breasts on there, they will ALWAYS get eaten. Every. Single. Time. So it'd be no big deal for me to do that. But I'd also tell the sister "you may want to bring some granola bars or consider not coming - I'll have hard boiled eggs and yogurt you can grab, but we won't be able to let you cook your own meals for each meal. How you handle this is up to you, but we're not completely catering to your weird eating." And I wouldn't give a crap if she was upset and ran to tell Mommy and Daddy.

[Anonymous]

I think she is a guest in your home, and I would approach the situation with that attitude. With all those people around she probably won't be eating much anyway. I'd tell her that she is welcome to use your kitchen to prepare her own food (since that seems to be what she'd prefer to do). It is fine to ask her to clean up after herself.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not enable an eating disorder. Let her cook her own stuff. She can go to a store.

OP says that she doesn't even want to do the bolded.

Sister is not a capitve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my siblings had a pretty bad eating disorder among other issues like anxiety. She is 26 and still lives at home, but my parents walk on eggshells with her and have never forced her to get help.

My parents, siblings and their families are all coming to visit next month so there will be 14 people that we are responsible to feeding and entertaining for a few days. This is totally fine, but my sister with the ED has. Very restrictive diet and my parents have asked me to try to accommodate her for all meals so she has something to eat.

Given the number of people, we wanted to keep things easy and were planning to order pizza and salad for one meal, grill burgers and hot dogs, etc. My sister doesn’t eat any of those things - no bread, no red meat, no dairy. She really only eats things she cooks herself so there is no oil or anything she won’t eat. I am really not sure how I would accommodate this unless I let her cook her own meals, but not thrilled about that either since she always makes a humongous mess that she never cleans up.

How accommodating would you be here? Don’t want to encourage her not to eat the entire weekend, but always don’t want to make things even more complicated and messy.

How does she eat at home? Does your mom cook? Does your mom let her cook but clean up after her?

Since you will be busy hosting everyone else, I would talk to your mom and sister and tell them to come up with a plan. Your kitchen will be available, you will even pick up what she wants from the store when you shop for everyone else, but beyond that you are not making separate meals and you expect anyone else using your kitchen will leave it in the condition in which they found it.

Exactly this. She needs to do whatever she does at home. If mom or dad clean up her mess at home, they'll have to do it at your house too. Be explicit about that. If it's not clean, you walk in after dinner and say "sooo, which one of you is cleaning the kitchen tonight?"

[Anonymous]

This thread sucks - you accommodate medical conditions. This could be a planned diet with medical advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate anorexia. That’s like buying bottles of liquor to accommodate an alcoholic. Let her figure it out.

So....the difference between alcoholism and anorexia is that alcoholics ingest things they shouldn't, and anorexics do not ingest things when they should.

The right way to help an alcoholic is to not provide alcohol. The right way to help an anorexic is to provide calories they will eat, or at a minimum let them eat the calories they are comfortable with.

You sound very stupid the anorexic can’teat and the alcoholic can’t not drink.

You are stupid.