Moving to another state without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

If you want to move to that city and wouldn’t regret the move if you ended up breaking up once you are out there then okay. If you are moving because you are making the sacrifices of a spouse without having that commitment then no way unless you have deeper conversations. Can both of you see each other as end game and have you had the type of conversations one would if they are getting married - like pre-marital counseling type conversation? Have you spoken in general of when you can see being engaged or married? Some people have certain milestones of either age or certain accomplishments like not before 30 or after completing grad school etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he do the same for you? I learned this hard way.

He already is not willing to do this because all HE has to do is stay in the current city and get a job there instead of moving away.

But….that’s not what he wants to do. This career opportunity is more important to him than making sure he keeps her in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you really want to get married at 24?

Yes, she absolutely should.

So many millennials bought into the idea that women should wait to get married in their 30s, and data now shows that by 2030, over 50% of 35 year old women will be single and childless.

OP of you have in your heart that he is the guy worthy of your partnership in marriage—go for it! Even if you break up, if you DON’T go, you’ll always wonder whether you would have married each other if you had gone. People rarely regret the risk. What they regret is NOT taking the risk.
Follow your heart, OP

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the women posting here are in their 30s and 40s so they have a different perspective. Your early 20s are a great time to do this. Live new places. Go try something new. You shouldn’t be getting engaged at 24 anyway. Give it a few more years until you both know each other inside and out.

One word of wisdom. Don’t assume that the move will solidify his desire to marry you one day. Move because you want to be with him, sure, but do it for love and adventure and know that nothing is guaranteed.

Good look to you OP! Signed, 41 year old that thinks people should push boundaries and try new things just a little bit more 😀

[Anonymous]

No way and don't get married that young trust me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you really want to get married at 24?

Yes, she absolutely should.

So many millennials bought into the idea that women should wait to get married in their 30s, and data now shows that by 2030, over 50% of 35 year old women will be single and childless.

OP of you have in your heart that he is the guy worthy of your partnership in marriage—go for it! Even if you break up, if you DON’T go, you’ll always wonder whether you would have married each other if you had gone. People rarely regret the risk. What they regret is NOT taking the risk.
Follow your heart, OP

PP. this is horrible advice. I posted that my ex moved away and later proposed after 8 months of long distance. I moved after the wedding: I am divorced. I was married a miserable decade because I was stuck in that state most of the time.

If a man can leave you for a job without proposing first, he does not really love you.

My ex didn’t love me. He would not have left without securing our relationship. He also did not understand the sacrifices I had to my to upend my life and career…a man who loves you does not make the woman make all the sacrifices.

I learned the hard way.

Also, I am Gen X and STILL firmly believe no one should marry before 30. No one. Life is too long. Your brain is not even adult functioning until age 26.

Don’t do it without a ring and a date and make sure you 100% ok with giving up your life here to be alone with this man in a new city. It is extremely hard on a relationship on even the best of circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you really want to get married at 24?

Yes, she absolutely should.

So many millennials bought into the idea that women should wait to get married in their 30s, and data now shows that by 2030, over 50% of 35 year old women will be single and childless.

OP of you have in your heart that he is the guy worthy of your partnership in marriage—go for it! Even if you break up, if you DON’T go, you’ll always wonder whether you would have married each other if you had gone. People rarely regret the risk. What they regret is NOT taking the risk.
Follow your heart, OP

PP. this is horrible advice. I posted that my ex moved away and later proposed after 8 months of long distance. I moved after the wedding: I am divorced. I was married a miserable decade because I was stuck in that state most of the time.

If a man can leave you for a job without proposing first, he does not really love you.

My ex didn’t love me. He would not have left without securing our relationship. He also did not understand the sacrifices I had to my to upend my life and career…a man who loves you does not make the woman make all the sacrifices.

I learned the hard way.

Also, I am Gen X and STILL firmly believe no one should marry before 30. No one. Life is too long. Your brain is not even adult functioning until age 26.

Don’t do it without a ring and a date and make sure you 100% ok with giving up your life here to be alone with this man in a new city. It is extremely hard on a relationship on even the best of circumstances.

Speak for yourself. I've known a few millennial women who married out of college and they are happy, and yes, they are professional women (nor Mormons).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you really want to get married at 24?

Yes, she absolutely should.

So many millennials bought into the idea that women should wait to get married in their 30s, and data now shows that by 2030, over 50% of 35 year old women will be single and childless.

OP of you have in your heart that he is the guy worthy of your partnership in marriage—go for it! Even if you break up, if you DON’T go, you’ll always wonder whether you would have married each other if you had gone. People rarely regret the risk. What they regret is NOT taking the risk.
Follow your heart, OP

TBF, many of those women don’t want to marry or have children.

OP, I would ask myself if the new place is somewhere I would want to be without the BF. I’d consider what the move would do to my career trajectory (I know you can move with your company but will it help or harm you? I’d also wonder about whether by moving there would be an implicit commitment to put roots down in the new place. I’d definitely consider leaving my support network.

My choice would probably be to do long distance for six months to a year, and then decide. If you can’t make it work long distance, he wasn’t the one. If you both stay committed and want to be together after that time, figure out the next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would he do the same for you? I learned this hard way.

He already is not willing to do this because all HE has to do is stay in the current city and get a job there instead of moving away.

But….that’s not what he wants to do. This career opportunity is more important to him than making sure he keeps her in his life.

It is a career building opportunity for a recent grad, not a random job.

[Anonymous]

I think you can know if you are committed to the relationship without necessarily thinking it’s the right time to get married.

I actually had a similar situation— dated in college then lived together for about 18 months afterward— spouse got a job in a new city and I lost my job and it never even occurred to us not to move together. Got married about 18 months after that and been together over 25 years.

But marriage for us wasn’t really about proving our commitment to each other, it was about stuff like kids.

Anyway I would say you should know if you are willing to do this or not.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend did this for me when we were in our 20s. He proposed once he found a job in the new city.

[Anonymous]

I did. DH and I were college friends who got together as he was getting ready to move away for a new job. We dated long distance for 2 years and then I moved to where he was without a ring. I got a job and chose to live with roommates instead of living with him. We dated another year before getting engaged and then got married a year after that. It’ll be 23 years this year.

It was a risk, but it was also an adventure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. DH and I were college friends who got together as he was getting ready to move away for a new job. We dated long distance for 2 years and then I moved to where he was without a ring. I got a job and chose to live with roommates instead of living with him. We dated another year before getting engaged and then got married a year after that. It’ll be 23 years this year.

It was a risk, but it was also an adventure.

Your “adventure” worked. Sometimes it ruins your life. A man should propose before moving or dump him. I wish I had.

[Anonymous]

My long term ex moved with me to the UK where he met his now wife. They are incredibly compatible and happy. So, you never know… life is funny sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I did. We got engaged a couple months later. Married 17 years now.