Moving to another state without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

Here’s the thing. If he loved you he wouldn’t ask you to take the risk. Which brings me to this awkward question: Did you bring up moving with him when he told you about his new job or did he?

[Anonymous]

I would do it if it’s a nice location. I think 20s is a great time to experience new cities.
If the location sucks then I would stay out and see how distance goes.
I don’t know your type of social circle but in mine 24 is very young for a ring.

[Anonymous]

I did, many years ago. But it was to a city I was happy to live in. We broke up in the end, and I continued to live out there for another 10 years or so before I eventually moved home.

I think when you’re young such a move is fairly low risk, assuming you have some flexibility in your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

No.
I’d do long distance.

I did this once- left my car at a relative’s, stored a fully loaded apt with if stuff, shipped four boxes of clothes and daily items to a boyfriends over seas.
Turned out he had anger problems and would kick me out of our apt when we had to “discuss” something and no show for ticketed events. Always a lame excuses. And that was the end.

[Anonymous]

I did this. Worked out well, we’re celebrating 15 years of marriage next month.

[Anonymous]

My husband moved across the country to be with me. We weren’t engaged. He knew nobody and had never been to the city I moved to.

[Anonymous]

There are so many variables that it's really impossible to crowdsource something like this. Where you live now vs the new location, what your relationship is like, how adventurous you are, the job situation, how much you want it vs he wants, many many factors.

Without knowing any of this, I would probably begin planning for it but tell let him move there ahead of you, maybe 3-6 months, so that he's settled in his job, apartment, knows the city, etc. It will, in my opinion, make parts of it less stressful. It will also give you a little bit of time to see if you really want to go or just don't want to not have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

No! He moved and proposed later but it was a mistake. Long distance for more than a year hid a lot. Bad marriage now divorced.

Now I really believe a man should not move without a proposal first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

No.
I’d do long distance.

I did this once- left my car at a relative’s, stored a fully loaded apt with if stuff, shipped four boxes of clothes and daily items to a boyfriends over seas.
Turned out he had anger problems and would kick me out of our apt when we had to “discuss” something and no show for ticketed events. Always a lame excuses. And that was the end.

Isn’t it better that you tried out the relationship in the same city before getting engaged in that case? You got to see what he was really like by living in the same place. It could have been disastrous to be long-distance and then get engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

No.
I’d do long distance.

I did this once- left my car at a relative’s, stored a fully loaded apt with if stuff, shipped four boxes of clothes and daily items to a boyfriends over seas.
Turned out he had anger problems and would kick me out of our apt when we had to “discuss” something and no show for ticketed events. Always a lame excuses. And that was the end.

Isn’t it better that you tried out the relationship in the same city before getting engaged in that case? You got to see what he was really like by living in the same place. It could have been disastrous to be long-distance and then get engaged.

Overseas is a bit much for this to story to have a silver lining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?

No.
I’d do long distance.

I did this once- left my car at a relative’s, stored a fully loaded apt with if stuff, shipped four boxes of clothes and daily items to a boyfriends over seas.
Turned out he had anger problems and would kick me out of our apt when we had to “discuss” something and no show for ticketed events. Always a lame excuses. And that was the end.

Isn’t it better that you tried out the relationship in the same city before getting engaged in that case? You got to see what he was really like by living in the same place. It could have been disastrous to be long-distance and then get engaged.

Overseas is a bit much for this to story to have a silver lining.

While I agree that’s a lot, pp suggested long distance as an alternative. I don’t see how that’s any better, because at some point you have to fish or cut bait. The pp gave it a shot, it didn’t work, lesson learned, and presumably she was ready to move on with her life. Better that than years of long distance, getting engaged, moving to the same city, and only then discovering that the guy is awful.

[Anonymous]

Met senior year, together for 3 years, lived together for last year and a half. He asked to move together and his parents too are enthusiastic about it. He did first two years of college there so knows town well and his parents live in bordering state so drivable.

[Anonymous]

I did. Married 15 years with 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. Married 15 years with 2 kids.

My thinking was that I could always move back if things didn’t work out. But I thought that they would. Also, I found a job before I quit my old job and moved.

[Anonymous]

I moved across the Atlantic, OP, after my boyfriend proposed on the second date. We had never lived together or gone on many dates. No ring, no plan, no date.

24 years later, we're still here, with a college freshman and a high schooler. Married 20 years.