Moving to another state without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Go for it...you only live once. It sounds like an adventure. Move for the experience and because you are in love. If it doesn't work out, oh well - you move back like millions of others have done.

You are young. No need for a ring yet. A ring is a material item. Don't focus on marriage. Enjoy life. Live it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. DH and I were college friends who got together as he was getting ready to move away for a new job. We dated long distance for 2 years and then I moved to where he was without a ring. I got a job and chose to live with roommates instead of living with him. We dated another year before getting engaged and then got married a year after that. It’ll be 23 years this year.

It was a risk, but it was also an adventure.

Your “adventure” worked. Sometimes it ruins your life. A man should propose before moving or dump him. I wish I had.

There are no guarantees in life— you make the best choices you can at the time.

You can roadmap all the ways different choices could go right or wrong but it won’t prove anything.

Maybe you don’t move and you break up (either immediately or bcs long distance relationships are hard) — could be you never find a relationship as good or could be you do.

Maybe you make the ultimatum and get a ring, that doesn’t guarantee happily ever after— could be the stress of insisting on getting married actually undermines the relationship long term.

At some point you have to embrace, or at least learn to surf, the uncertainty of life, especially at 24. There is a whole multiverse of lives out there and no way to know which will be “best”.

So I am sorry things did not work out for you but I really don’t think refusing to tale any risks in relationships or life is a sensible option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you move to another state for BF's new job if there is talk to eventually marrying but no ring or definite date. Both working two year post college and you can find a role within your company in new state.

Should you move, long distance or end? You'll be leaving your family and support network. Is it worth the risk if you love the guy?[/quote

I did that. We did get married eventually. But to this day I regrets given up everything to follow him. Love is stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the women posting here are in their 30s and 40s so they have a different perspective. Your early 20s are a great time to do this. Live new places. Go try something new. You shouldn’t be getting engaged at 24 anyway. Give it a few more years until you both know each other inside and out.

One word of wisdom. Don’t assume that the move will solidify his desire to marry you one day. Move because you want to be with him, sure, but do it for love and adventure and know that nothing is guaranteed.

Good look to you OP! Signed, 41 year old that thinks people should push boundaries and try new things just a little bit more 😀

+1

But it depends on what you want and when you want it. Your 20s is a great time to try new things and be bold. It's the time to move someplace new just to do it. If that's the kind of person you are!

But if you do want to get married soon - or at least have that commitment - then talk to him about his feelings, and make sure you are on the same page/timeline.

Rings don't matter much. You can break off an engagement. You can get divorced. You're in this relationship - you're the only one who can tell us if it feels as real as what you are wanting right now.

[Anonymous]

I had this same choice at the same time in my life. I made clear I wouldn’t move without a ring. We got engaged, happily married 20 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. DH and I were college friends who got together as he was getting ready to move away for a new job. We dated long distance for 2 years and then I moved to where he was without a ring. I got a job and chose to live with roommates instead of living with him. We dated another year before getting engaged and then got married a year after that. It’ll be 23 years this year.

It was a risk, but it was also an adventure.

Your “adventure” worked. Sometimes it ruins your life. A man should propose before moving or dump him. I wish I had.

If your life is going to be ruined by you moving without being married, then you shouldn't do it. That's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I did that. We did get married eventually. But to this day I regrets given up everything to follow him. Love is stupid

Would you do it differently if could go back in time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for it...you only live once. It sounds like an adventure. Move for the experience and because you are in love. If it doesn't work out, oh well - you move back like millions of others have done.

You are young. No need for a ring yet. A ring is a material item. Don't focus on marriage. Enjoy life. Live it.

Totally disagree IF marriage is what you want. Obviously the ring is a material item - that’s not what OP is asking about. The engagement is. If marriage is what you want, don’t tell yourself you are young and waste time. I was engaged at 24 and that was exactly the trajectory of life I wanted. Plenty of time to travel and experience adventure - together - and not have to stress about when to start a family because of my biological clock.

It’s all about what you want out of life.

[Anonymous]

I can't recall who said it but sounds so true, "beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one".

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's a moe to advance bf's career

But will it advance yours?

Yeah you can get a job, but what does it do for your career?

Your company having an office in the new location is not the same as you having a job and a job that will advance your career.

Do not set yourself up to be the trailing partner/spouse.

[Anonymous]

Notice how only old people are saying they did this and it worked out, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I mean not unless you want to move there even if you break up before you move.

This. Is it better for YOU there? Would you like it together or single? Would you advance yourself better there?

I had a cousin who did this but the job prospects for her were great there. So she did not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notice how only old people are saying they did this and it worked out, OP.

Sorry, hit send before finishing. Even 30 years ago, men were still far more willing to marry. It was less culturally acceptable to waste a woman’s time, and both the culture at large families were less tolerant of these low-commitment relationships.

I would never do this with a Gen Z or younger man. If you’re young enough for this to be an “adventure”, you’re young enough to find a guy you don’t have to move your whole life to be with too. Never shut off all your options for a guy who won’t marry you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how only old people are saying they did this and it worked out, OP.

Sorry, hit send before finishing. Even 30 years ago, men were still far more willing to marry. It was less culturally acceptable to waste a woman’s time, and both the culture at large families were less tolerant of these low-commitment relationships.

I would never do this with a Gen Z or younger man. If you’re young enough for this to be an “adventure”, you’re young enough to find a guy you don’t have to move your whole life to be with too. Never shut off all your options for a guy who won’t marry you!

Never shut off your options. Period. a Man is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

I pressured a guy into a ring before moving and got it. We split up 8 mos after the move; he went home and I stayed here.